Franchise Mode

NBA 2k9 coming to your cul-de-sac soon (Oct 7)

2008-09-18T18:24:00.007-04:00

Just thinking about tipping off another season of NBA 2k9 makes my balls glisten with moisture. According to 360voice.com (a FMode fav) I played NBA 2k8 102 days topping any other game in the history of my 360 console.

My goal next season is to double that and hit 200 days, it will take dedication, a lot of ignoring real worldy tasks (father duties, husbandry and other work related nonsense) but I think I can pull it off.

More plagery below from a blog I frequent (sportvideogames.net)about NBA 2k's living rosters and NBA Insider for the franchise mode( self plug thank you).

In the last few days more NBA 2K9 information has been released than in the whole previous 12 months. To save you from being swept away in this torrential downpour of information we thought we would go through all the big news in one concise package, with links for further reading along the way. Just like NBA 2K9 itself you can dig as deep as you want.

The huge announcement everyone had been waiting for was unveiled by Gamespot today which you can find right here along with a discussion with the producers on the Gamespot Podcast here. It is well worth a listen as they cover off quite a few of the new features and its always good to hear it straight from the developer themselves.

The big feature everyone is talking about is surely 2K’s Living Rosters & NBA Insider. Not only matching NBA Lives “Live 365″ Feature but taking it to another level by adding a “human element” into the mix.

Basically 2K have employed someone full time, a real person, to keep track of the NBA over the course of the season and continually adjust the game to reflect the real life happenings. So say OJ Mayo turns out to be a disaster in the NBA, his ratings will take a tumble, and going even further, he may even lose his flashy dribble package or move specific animations he started with. On the other end of this spectrum is players who perform well may have their packages improved or if they develop a killer new move during the course of the season, it will be added into the game.

This isnt just a cosmetic thing either, 2K has promised to fully realise the additions of new moves in the form of full motion capturing just like every move the game starts out with. You can be sure that when 2K sets out to do something, they do it right.

” The 2K insider also has a blog on 2ksports.com that is interactive with fans. The 2K Insider will be able to communicate important news via a blog on the company’s Web site, as well as through calling out specific players via an in-game 2K Insider screen that will highlight the latest news and biggest movers in the NBA. In addition, the 2K Insider will be able to affect the stats of players on a regular basis. If Derrick Rose has had a consistent streak of missing from beyond the 3-point line, you can expect to see his 3-point percentage take a hit in the game, courtesy of the Insider.

But while the 2K Insider can take away, he can also give. If Deron Williams continues his success of last season or O.J. Mayo begins to dominate during his maiden campaign in the NBA, you can expect to see not just attribute bonuses but actual new animations available to that player as the season progresses. These new animation packages will be mo-capped, produced, and added during the course of the season by 2K devs and added to deserving players who have excelled during the season (or perhaps even developed a new signature move). In other words, this is new content developed during and relevant to the 2008/09 NBA season, not merely unlockable animation packages that are already in the game.”

This is clearly a feature that 2K was holding close to its chest, and while Live may have had the first jump on them with their 365 feature, it seems that 2K just may have overshadowed them with 2K Insider. No game before has ever promised to add new animations and dunk packages into a game via patches, and this could be a huge advantage for 2K.

The other key development, apart from all the gameplay tweaks which is an article in itself, is Association 2.0.

Building on the foundation of last years Association mode, 2K has their sights set on taking it to another level this year with a fully integrated NBA.com interface as the centrepiece. The big part of this is the way information is clearly displayed for the player, just like the real NBA.com.

You will see headlines covering everything from Players of the Week, Players of the Month, Rookies of the Week, Rookies of the Month, League Rumours, Trade Rumours, Injuries, Scoring Streaks & Career Milestones and Broken Records. If that sounds like a lot, well its just the start. 2K has stated they will include over 200 story types and 75 different game results to be included in the NBA.com headlines.

From this main screen of your Association you can then drill down to various stat charts, league leaders & dynamic stat reports that now include a more scientifically accurate metric stats such as efficiency and true shooting percentage. Also included of course is the trade screen, from which you can make trades with up to 4 players per team and including up to 3 teams.
The trades this year also include “Bird Rights” for the first time in a game, which will allow guys who are into Association mode to sign guys that are on your team for more than they can get elsewhere and beyond the salary cap, in line with collective bargaining almost.

Overall it really seems 2K has taken the Association 2.0 to a level all on its own. No longer will you feel like the only guy in the league striving for success as headlines from around the league and constantly updated information will keep your head in the game. This could be a first step towards an online association mode with all these features and we can’t wait to get a taste of it.

Coming in the next few days we will be breaking down the new gameplay elements to be introduced into NBA 2K9 as it truly is shaping up to be the best playing basketball game of all time. Be sure to check out all the articles linked and all our coverage here at sportvideogames.net.

Charles Haley's Warrior

2008-09-12T19:28:00.005-04:00

I was recently reading the latest Bill Simmons Sports Guy article on ESPN.com and came across a reference to Jeff Pearlman's book "Boys will be boys" about the 90's Dallas Cowboys. Anyone who remembers that posse knows they were ripe with debauchery, cocaine, prostitution and a bushel of sex toys but I don't think anyone really knew how f'n nuts some of their guys were, namely Charles Haley.

I'm straight plagiarizing this from another blog because hey, this is the Internets and no rules apply right?

Enjoy, if possible

WARNING: If BBC's frighten you, stop reading now (This guy apparently didn't mind monster dongs in his grill)

Jeff Pearlman has a new book coming out in September called Boys Will Be Boys, which chronicles the Cowboys during the Aikman-Smith-Irvin glory years. Tucked inside the book is a chapter called “The Last Naked Warrior,” which is a nickname defensive end Charles Haley used for himself. Haley, if you recall, was a goddamn beast of a pass rusher, and also a legendary asshole. But what you may not know about Haley is that he was:

A) Legitimately insane
B) Hung like Milton Berle
C) Liked jacking off in front of teammates and coaches

And not playful jerking off. We’re talking the real, hardcore, I’m-home-and-my-wife-is-at-the-movies jerking off. I’ll let Pearlman fill you in:

Haley would stroll up to an unsuspecting (49er) teammate, whip out his phallus, and repeatedly stroke it in his face. Players initially laughed it off…

Hey look, it’s Charles’ huge erection! And he’s pleasuring himself! Man, that is funny.

But Haley refused to stop. He would jerk off in the locker room, in the trainer’s room. He’d wrap his hand around his penis, turn toward a Joe Montana or John Taylor, and bellow, ‘You know you wanna suck this!’

Well, it was San Francisco. I, for one, am glad to see that Haley liked to go native. I’m assuming Montana replied, “Really? I know I wanna suck that? Well, it hadn’t occurred to me before. But now that you’re masturbating right in front of me in a completely unprofessional manner, I can see your point.”

Pearlman also gets this quote from Michael Silver:

”Charles used to beat off in meetings while talking graphically about other players’ wives. It got to the point of ejaculation.”

Well, if you don’t reach the point of ejaculation, there IS no point. Am I right? Think about this quote for just a moment. You go to work. You go sit in a meeting. Then Bob from Accounting decides to take out his Frankencock and starts talking about banging your wife, and then orgasms right in front of you.

That’s… unusual. It won’t surprise you to know that Haley was also a raging homophobe, saying to a new Cowboy teammate once:

“You’re from California? You must be a fucking faggot.”

And he would know! Because he was in California once, jerking off in front of large groups of other men. I haven’t seen a homosexual this insecure since Vin Diesel. Brady Quinn would like him to sign with the Browns ASAP.

Go Utes and Damn I used to be funny

2008-08-30T19:38:00.002-04:00

First off...WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, good to see the Utes finally joining in the overlying theme of this old blog

Secondly, just out of curiousity I have been reading through blogs I wrote over two years ago and damn I used to be pretty funny. Whether it was a Phallic reference to Birons's chubby fingers or just overall chicanery involving how much I hated living in NY, it was always funny and always fresh.

Not sure if we can get this rolling again with both me as a employed parent now (as opposed to the old me sitting home in NY working part-time) and biron as a full-time achievement whore but I think it would be good not only to get some odd thoughts out of my brain but to entertain ourselves with our own seld humor.

Damn that's a long sentence, def not English professor quality but I'm gonna let it slide for now.

Alright Go Utes, War Beanie's Les Franc disease

Josh Hamilton

2007-04-19T08:30:00.000-04:00

So...is it too early to order my #33 Josh Hamilton jersey? The Reds are 4-1 when he starts a game this year, and his impact thus far has caused enough of a stir that newly re-signed CF Ryan Freel began taking ground balls in the infield early last week without being asked to do so.

"I know that for the Reds' sake, for our team, you've got to have that guy's bat in the lineup," Freel said Tuesday to someone other than my blogging punkass. "I'm not going to hit 30 home runs. I know there's people still questioning (Hamilton), saying, 'Let's see how this pans out.' This kid's ready."

Not sure about other Cincinnati fans, but when your resident alcoholic goes out to reassure faith in a former drug addict / alcoholic, that's speaking from experience and carries a little bit of weight with me.

Hamilton's carnage so far:

This does bring up an interesting situation - what happens to the lineup if Hamilton produces throughout the season as he appears capable of doing? The Reds are high on infield prospects Brandon Phillips and Edwin Encarnacion, and they obviously have 7 million reasons to get Freel into the lineup as often as his style of play permits. Alex Gonzalez is an incredibly streaky hitter, however his defense is the epitomy of what new GM Wayne Krivsky emphasizes in pitching and defense. So what's the Reds next move? Thank Xenu the internet gives the faceless internet the ability to solve life's most important problems.

Edwin Encarnacion is the type of player that's going to play every day, and while doing so he's going to drive in a lot of runs. Despite his early struggles, he's still going to be in the lineup against both RHP & LHP - and on top of that he also provides that outstanding bat that breaks up Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey Jr. in the lineup (I say this on the assumption that manager Jerry Narron sticks with a lineup eventually) that will benefit by seeing a lot of hitter's pitches. Gonzalez will in the least prevent a midseason switch of Phillips to SS as was rumored prior to signing Alex, which leaves first base. Currently the Reds are platooning Scott Hatteberg against RHP and Jeff Conine against LHP, which is working out well as Conine has started on fire and Hatteberg is still working counts and producing by hitting pitches in favorable counts.

So what's the answer?

Ehh, we don't have one. Encarnacion has been rumored (I may have started the rumor in a sewing circle that may not have made its way out of my hometown yet) to be a candidate to move to 1B, however a midseason switch on a young player doesn't usually turn out too well. Alongside that, Joey Votto is coming off a season in which he hit .319/.408/.547 with 22 HR's and 77 RBI's in AA and has started the season in AAA to work on his "defense" (despite Narron saying he was impressed with a few plays Votto made in the spring). What's going to happen is Freel is going to dart around the field spelling various people for days off, take a few days off himself because of his "wreckless style" (which I still don't buy), and as much as I hate to say it, this entire lineup snafu is going to go on until Griffey comes up lame jogging out a ground ball.

All for this guy:

Almost had my first NYC fight!

2007-03-11T21:21:00.000-04:00

Having moved to NYC four years ago this month from the hard streets of Salt Lake City (801 bitches) I anticipated a much tougher lifestyle than I've encountered, not so much tough life as I expected to be in arguments with annoying New Yorkers more than I have, well, I got my chance tonight!

I had just helped carry all the laundry a few blocks away to the laundromat for my 9-month pregnant wife and headed home to play some 360 whilst she did the heavy lifting (really not that hard of a job).Get a phone call from her 20 min later "Come down here, some guy is telling me to F off".Immediately my heart and adrenaline go berserk, as i'm throwing on my shoes I see a hammer lying on the floor by the door, almost grabbed it but figured that might be considered intent to bash skull so decided against it.

I walk into the laundromat and a guy that looks like this gets right in my face!:

"Teach your wife respect yo, you need to tell her to watch her mouth yo A-oh oh-A"

Wtf is this guy thinking, i quickly thought to myself, so I immediately put my finger right in his face area and tell him to Shut his fat mouth (looking back I sure wish I was more of a cursing person but alas, I just am not so it didn't naturally flow)."Don't you tell me to shut up, don't you ever tell me to shut up yo" as he struggles to pull his jacket off of his fat sloppy arms.Needless to say, this dude has probably been in about 500 more fights than my soft azz but nonetheless, i could tell he was intimidated by my size so I played the role to a T, more stupid threats from him and more retarded comments by me and a little chinese owner of the laundromat got between us and the guy went storming out.I half expected to have him and Paulie Walnuts come in and shoot me in the head when he returned but he just sat there talking quick Italian on his cell phone as we packed up our crap. Not a big confrontation guy, but when a guy starts cursing out my pregnant wife for sitting down in a chair as she waits for her laundry and tells her she needs to be more respectful to other people, drops F bombs on her, I kind of lose it.Anyways, if i don't tell as many people as possible about it, it didn't happen right?

F this guy

Merry Xenu Christmas!

2006-12-24T13:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I haven't posted in an eternity and Xenu must be displeased but I thought I'd share some wasted time. At least he is spending his holidays in the caribbean so I don't have to worry about his horrid alien egg nog recipe this year, damn that nutty creature!

Just think of what I could have done in the time it took to play all these dynasty games. I shudder to contemplate what accomplishments could have been achieved, what diseases could have been cured (or contracted from the Brazilian) or what weights/treadmills may have been exercised upon.

Merry Xmas to all 5 loyal Fmode readers, here are some sweet dynasty pics for you to ponder as you wait for your "loved" ones to leave your apartment/homes so you can go back to your couch tater ways.

NCAA 2007 Dynasty Pics

Go Bucks

2006-11-13T08:27:00.000-05:00

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Michigan joke?"
The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am a Michigan graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", 225 lbs. and he is a Michigan graduate. The guy on the other side of him is 6'5", 250 lbs and he is also a Michigan graduate. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."

It was reported that the Michigan football Coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing 20 players for the Ohio State game this November...the rest of the players will have to dress themselves.

What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
- Columbus: 187 Miles

What does the average University of Michigan student get on his S.A.T.?
- drool

How do you get a Michigan graduate off your front porch?
- pay him for the pizza

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: An OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as which of them was the most loyal of all. The continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountainside shouting, "This is for the fighting Irish!" Not wanting to be outdone, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this, the OSU grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Michigan grad off the mountain.

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and smile, and gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store."
"But I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "I even played football there!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I better show you how."

A Wolverine football player was almost killed today in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse just in time.

A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies a Michigan graduate and a good man." The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?"

Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about their rivalry. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp.
"Who disturbs me?" asked the genie.
Jim and Lloyd both say they did it.
"You will each get one wish," said the genie.
Lloyd offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Michigan so that none of those stupid Ohioans can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high, and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Lloyd and he is instantly whished away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Jim he'll grant him one wish.
Jim says, "Fill it up with water."

Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football game?
- because the senior that knew the recipe finally graduated

What are the three longest years of a Michigan football player's life?
- his freshman year

It's Michigan Week...

2006-11-12T20:55:00.000-05:00

http://www.scottkropko.com/michigan_still_sucks.htm

Spam I Received...

2006-10-26T14:40:00.000-04:00

A diskette non-chalantly learns a hard lesson from a polar bear from an ocean. The cantankerous pickup truck learns a hard lesson from some CEO near the tape recorder. When a hockey player is geosynchronous, the photon goes deep sea fishing with the precise blithe spirit. A psychotic wheelbarrow makes love to a pickup truck. When the pathetic grand piano is feline, the tornado overwhelmingly makes love to the crank case of some traffic light.

For example, an accidentally flatulent class action suit indicates that a mating ritual inexorably buys an expensive gift for a pathetic senator. A turkey prays, and an infected line dancer sweeps the floor; however, the mortician writes a love letter to some seldom purple tabloid. When a skyscraper inside a skyscraper trembles, a greasy plaintiff earns frequent flier miles. Now and then, a ball bearing secretly befriends a knowingly alleged insurance agent. The wheelbarrow living with a fairy, a paper napkin related to the cowboy, and another smelly freight train are what made America great! A revered graduated cylinder.

Most people believe that a dolphin pours freezing cold water on a tape recorder, but they need to remember how thoroughly the cloud formation beams with joy. For example, some avocado pit indicates that a tabloid competes with a power drill. A scythe secretly admires an incinerated apartment building. Most people believe that some salad dressing feverishly makes a truce with a roller coaster behind a CEO, but they need to remember how single-handledly a South American cheese wheel flies into a rage.

Most people believe that the gentle umbrella often satiates a football team of another ocean, but they need to remember how seldom the geosynchronous light bulb takes a coffee break. If the cheese wheel sanitizes a spider, then an umbrella daydreams. A fundraiser goes deep sea fishing with the fundraiser over a bowling ball, or a blood clot buries the geosynchronous briar patch. Another girl scout related to a photon starts reminiscing about lost glory, and the shabby hole puncher writes a love letter to a defendant. Some single-handledly worldly pork chop reads a magazine, and the diskette hides; however, a mysterious fairy competes with the college-educated photon.

Ethan Albright pisses on EA

2006-10-25T00:25:00.000-04:00

An image of excellence.

To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck, man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.

John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a - 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.

I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.

Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.

Rot in Hell,

Ethan Albright

"Stolen from this fine site"

Halo Wars in Halo 2!

2006-10-13T15:26:00.000-04:00

In what has become a flagrant disregard to journa-err, bloggerism, here's the next video I saw that I thought was cool. Great blog huh?!

Anyway, reminded me of the trailer for Halo Wars that was announced like 2 weeks ago and has occupied my desktop and imagination ever since. You'd think I'd post that trailer or something as to show my enthusiasm for it, however that would make sense and we just don't have time for rational solutions at this point.

Every Mortal Kombat Fatality

2006-10-09T23:48:00.000-04:00

In celebration of the upcoming Armageddon Release:

Superjump on Zanzibar

2006-10-09T20:31:00.000-04:00

Seriously! just full!

Superjump on Ascension

2006-10-09T20:25:00.000-04:00

I'm just full of Halo 2 vids atm ~

Halo 2 Montage by Davidgojr

2006-10-06T14:18:00.000-04:00


I'm thinking that maybe if I keep posting Halo 2 montages that my younger brother & friend will log in more than once every 2 weeks. woooooo!

Untouchable: The Halo God

2006-10-06T13:49:00.000-04:00


Who needs well-written, entertaining and witty blogs when you can just post bitchin' videos you see on Google directly to?

Boz's Theme Song

2006-09-24T11:46:00.000-04:00

Coach Tressel's New Office

2006-09-22T08:54:00.000-04:00

I actually saw Coach's temporary office while this one was under construction over the winter. It was located in the Fawcett Center, not far from Ohio Stadium, which is essentially a venue set up for meetings & social events equipped with a bitchin' cafeteria, hotel rooms and enough space to accomidate some 500 people. Two words: Amazing.

(as always click to enlarge)

Wednesday's suck

2006-09-20T23:39:00.000-04:00

Parenting: Trials & Tribulations

2006-09-14T08:17:00.000-04:00

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

"Here, hold (our five-month old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.

Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . . . "Poupon."

Revenge...

2006-09-10T01:43:00.000-04:00

NCAA Football 2007 (PS2)

2006-09-02T21:46:00.000-04:00

Once again my favorite time of the year has come and gone, it's that god awful too early in the calendar year release of NCAA Football by EA Sports. Now I complain every year as the release date gets pushed earlier and earlier, rosters become more and more incorrect and features are not finished properly - but its not like I'm not going to play this thing until the night before next year's release.

Anyway, I don't ever post reviews until after the game has had a chance to sink in and be properly evaluated. I can't play 2 games on Varsity mode like most reviewers and then sing "Praise EA Sports" to the same tune as "Praise Jesus" - I gotta have a chance to find stuff I don't like and then bitch incessantly.

I'll start off blunt to kind of get things in gear - NCAA 2007 is the best version of the game since 2004. NCAA 2005 was awful - WR's couldn't catch anything but a deep ball vs. triple coverage and the L2 "Big Hit" button was out of control. I mean, there was absolutely no reason to use any other button but. NCAA 2006 was marginally better...as long as you played on Heisman. Boz will argue that from the comforts of his settings on All-American and there's nothing wrong with that - AA was fun, Heisman wasn't realistic but at least it solved some issues with AI defense. But back to the review before I race off on the history of the franchise.

This year EA Sports has refined features introduced last year, as in they've fixed their forced-upon effectiveness. EA's idea of a new feature is to make it be the highlight of the new game - such as Homefield Advantage & Impact Players last year. Last year both were brutal - Heisman was the only way to solve the inhuman impact players, and turning off HFA not only fixed brutal gameplay but it actually made WR's catch the ball a lot better. This year the big push is for Momentum - and again, it's overdone and you can't turn it off. A novel idea, however you're now faced with the dilemma of needing to win the opening coin toss so that you can move down the field and score on the first possession in order to maintain momentum for the rest of the game - its retarded and awarded horribly.

What happens is that when you make a big play, stop someone on defense or something you're awarded +1 momentum, which awards +1 OVR to all your players. When you reach the maximum +5, your team is now juggernauts. Coming from me, an Ohio State user, when I score my first possession I take a 95-rated Troy Smith, toss a TD pass that gets him to a 99 OVR anyway, and now with momentum I increase his stats even further - I'm sure you follow me here. The problem is, random shit gets awarded much more than things you would expect. It's not horrible, but should be a nice feature next year when EA actually takes the time to implement it correctly.

Some other new features are "Jump the Snap", OL slide protection blocking, smart routes, defensive hot routes & precision passing. "Jump the Snap" gives meaning to the guys who play on defense as a down lineman - you can time hitting "X" enabling you to put an offensive lineman on his ass. I love this feature - I don't use it, but I love it. Lost was the art of a cadence in video football, and finally EA has brought it back. Slide protection is a handy tool to use. Last year when hot routing a running play (for example), you'd send the RB to the opposite side - however the OL would still be under the same blocking scheme. Last year 3 down lineman could crash the line and exploit mentally retarded OT's - this year you can actually set your line to adjust to DL's moving different directions. Smart routes are the addition of WR's adjusting to what you're doing as a QB - kind of what Madden '04 brought with the Playmaker control. Defensive hot routes are making their debut after 2 years in Madden, giving you the option to change assignments prior to the play (blitz, zone, & spy), and precision is what NCAA has done for the last 3 versions - only now they're importing the given name from Madden.

Dynasty mode is as close to perfect as it ever has been. Last year's statistical errors are fixed for simulated games (if you're unaware QB's would routinely throw for 75% accuracy, 30+ TD's and less than 5 INT's), the awards appear to make more sense, & recruiting is more realistic as far as the number of 5-star recruits are down. From simulating multiple seasons I can say that I'm yet to get fired for winning too much as I once did last year, and the AI-AD's seem to be displeased with your performance at pretty realistic times as well.

Last year they had "Race For the Heisman", this year they have a Campus Legend feature that focuses on your school work and other aspects. If you know anything about me you know I won't so much as fire this feature up, so let's assume it's another bad port of dynasty mode like last year's feature was.

Online play is still only ranked for All-American games, which is something I don't care for but seems to be the synonomous choice. I find it incredibly difficult to not put 50 on the board against the AA defense, but I guess that's probably seen as me bragging so whatever. I am an NCAA fanatic and dedicate waaaaaaay too much time to this game, so take my level preference with a grain of salt. The same trophies are in from last year to attempt to achieve and they still have levels for people to manipulate as they attempt to become...I dunno, whatever people do that do that stuff.

Online Clubs are a new feature, however being as I don't ever play ranked games I see no reason to do so. From what I understand, you start with so many people and can add more members by...I dunno, forget I said anything.

The rivalry games feature is still incredible and an outstanding addition to the game types, however the classic moments have apparently been axed. Come to think of it, I think they were axed last year as well. Anyway, ya - the rivalry game continues to kick ass and the mascot game continues to not ever be played. The pennants and user profile features are the same which kinda sucks, I'd love the day where you could save your user profile with online statistics on it. I'm 28, married and have a 5 month old child - the only games I get against other users than the AI is online...so the user profile is useless in its current state to me.

Trying to think what else I should say - the deep pass is still too easy to user catch against double coverage, the running game is more realistic in that you can run sweeps and off-tackles instead of running dives and bouncing to the outside, defensive players react to the pass & run better (no more HB Direct when you needed a first down), and the best simulation this year appears to be geared towards Heisman settings. That about covers it!

Now I've spent a lot of time pointing out things I don't like, but seriously - this game rocks. If NCAA 2004 was a 9.8/10 (it was, I just wrote that on my original site of pigskin-gaming.com), NCAA 2007 for the PS2 comes in at a healthy 9.5/10. When ranking new games I don't take off points for lack of originality - I mean, if people are going to buy the shit every year regardless I'm fine with just fixing things that don't work right. 2004 was 2002 & 2003 done perfectly with the addition of online play - it was outstanding. I feel like 2007 is a healthy combination of 2004 & 2006 - just a few minor things remain that either haven't been fixed yet or they don't plan on fixing.

Either way, NCAA Football 2007 a must-buy.

Links
Reviews: Gamepro, Gamespot, Gamespy, IGN, 1up
Official Site: EA Sports
Forums: EA Sports, Maddenmania, Maddenmatrix, Maddennation, Maddenwars, Utopia, VG Sports
Online Leagues: BsW, DaONE
Custom Covers: EA Custom Covers

R.I.P. Smokey

2006-08-26T22:28:00.000-04:00

Lemme break it down for ya:

Bottom of the 8th, my starting pitcher is starting to get tired. First Hilltopper singles down the line, second one comes up to sacrifice. Bunt goes down the first base line, and my C has a brainfart and despite me hitting 'O' to throw to first, he stands there with his thumb up his ass. So 1st and 2nd, next batter lays a bunt down the 3rd base line - my 3rd baseman has a brain fart, won't throw to first. Bases loaded, and their RF comes up to jack one over the right field line.

I'm not one to pout and I take my losses, so I finish the game and hit Rematch.

Bit different this time, as the Hilltoppers take a 1-0 early lead. My RF comes up in the 3rd inning with 2 on, works a 2-0 count and I get a hanging curveball that I jack over the left field fence.

So I cruise into the 8th again, and instinctively go to my bullpen for fear of the 8th inning tattoo I got branded onto my ass. First batter doubles in the gap against my ace middle reliever, next one bunts that catches my 3rd baseman in an odd position, I try to field it and run to 3rd for the tag but he reaches for him after he goes by...ya, here goes. 1st & 3rd, none out:

Mike Patrick: The visiting team is really starting to make a comeback here.
My son: (just waking up from his nap) waaaah, waaaaah
Me: hold on bud!
Patrick: We're seeing some incredible ball here.
Kyle Peterson: We sure are Mike, but I think this pitcher is starting to struggle.
Son: waaaah, waaaah
Me: another second bud, be right there.
Patrick: IT WAS GONE BEFORE IT LEFT THE BAT!
Peterson: THERE WAS NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT ONE!
Me: YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!

*BAM!*

Rest in peace, brother.

FMode Short Hops

2006-08-25T22:32:00.000-04:00

Sponsored by So I'm gonna steal the title of their random MLB observations from ESPN.com, sue me for plagiarism, it's a great title, hopefully I'll remember to do this from hereon out every few days/weeks/etc.

I'm T-minus two weeks until I'm out of this shitty NYC roach infested, mexican music blasting neighbor apartment and in my brand new (well four-years old) 2 bedroom/2 bath apartment with DirecTV (hence the sponsor) so I thought what better way than to blog some MLB randoms.

National League ball isn't worse that American League ball, it's just "Different". National League teams are required to both 1: hit the ball 2: field the ball. What this does is make their benches fill up with soft hitting utility guys that have various roles on a team. They have to fill in for a SS/2B/CF when a double switch occurs and also have to be able to pinch hit and stay in the field afterwards. Doesn't sound like much, but it is a HUGE difference.

American League benches can be stockpiled with Frank Thomas, Ruben Sierra, Jose Canseco and other should be retired ballplayers that in no shape or form could survive a month in the National League. Not only do they survive in the American League, they can kick major ass. There is absolutely no need for a utilityman infielder or an extra speed outfielder during the regular season in the American League (although it does play a part come the best of 5/7 playoffs).

Comparing these two typs of ball is like comparing pineapples to guava (I spared you the apples to oranges cliche'). Sure they are using the same rules, they intermittenly play each other (which lately has been largely lopsided so maybe my theory is shit) but one is just not that much better than the other they are just different.

As much as it makes me regurgitate chalupa in my mouth a little, I dont' see anyone in the AL beating the NY Yankees. Adding Abreu to that team just isn't allowed and should have been blocked if the Commish had any nuts, letting a team add so much payroll this far along in a season has destroyed many a fantasy team, which is what the Yanks are becoming.

Heaven forbid Arod ever gets over his mental breakdown, that team is going to be tacking up Numero twenty-seven.

As a huge Padres fan, I am trying to get excited about being in the wild-card "race" but man, the level of inconsistency by this team is enough to make me drink the koo-aid. I don't think if Xenu came down and played third base he could be worse than Todd Walker, dude's throws are seriously gonna get Adrian Gonzalez's arm broken some time this year. Luckily Russell Branyan is on the way.

It would be redundant to mention all the sick ass young arms chucking in the majors this year in fact I predicted one of them on the penis-head last spring but I wanna know why a lot of veteran pitchers are getting slapped around so badly? I don't have answer as to why Josh Beckett has given up the third most runs in the American League or as to why Jake Peavy has an ERA over 4.00 (I do know that tendonitis played a big role in this). Maybe you don't need a "big" arm anymore, the Mets are tearing through the season with a gimpy Pedey, Tom Glavine and Steve Freakin Trachsel heavy in the rotation. Even though all these arms are great, a great hitting team sure makes their pitching staff look better regardless of their quality (Go Reds!).

This is a video game blog so I'll hit upon the holiday that just passed, Maddenoliday. I've been frustrated by the Madden/NCAA combo for the past 2 or 3 years, mainly because every year it feels exactly the same. While it may not be all that drastically different on the Xbox 360, one thing it does is feel new. Playing NCAA/Madden on the Xbox 360 is like getting a BJ from a new girl, you know it's basically the same bobbing motion, but man, all the new hand movments are great and you just love what she's doing with your taint. Chuck may disagree, but that's the way the short hops bounce today.

If I contradicted myself at all here, well, if they don't like Short Hops, well, then, fuck you. Really. Fuck you. Period."

And please, for the love of Xenu, no sounds at the baby! Please!

Doom 3

2006-08-25T01:35:00.000-04:00

With my selective yet-rarely practiced boycott of EA products, I'm not buying Madden this year. They quit sending me the shit this year and I sure as hell ain't buying it, so atm I'm progressing through my copy of Doom 3 before I save enough for the Xbox 360. Anyway, this game lives up to its reputation - it's a pretty scarey game.

I found this out after flinching when I picked up an ammo pack - I mean, you shoulda seen this pack. If you had to carry this colossal thing on your back while saving Mars from hellspawn demons you'd be fucking scared too. Anyway, ya, creepy noises, and I'm to the point now where there's something growing all over the base and it laughs at me at inopportune times, and my first encounter with it was in a candlelit room with a pentagram flashing down on the ground. I can handle it cause I know Satan wouldn't dream of fucking with Xenu, but a guy like say...Boz would be holding his morning wood in the middle of the afternoon.

Come to think of it, I remember Boz and Swade playing this game back when it came out and they recorded their first trips around Mars City...

Merry Maddenoliday

2006-08-22T10:37:00.000-04:00

'Twas the day of Maddenoliday and all 'cross the land,
people called in sick with Madden 07 now in hand.

The Hail Mary's were flung by the quarterbacks with despair,
in hopes Randy Moss would fly through the air.
Running backs stayed close with blocks being thrown,
while you opened running lanes, all on your own.

Then did the teeth of Manning start to chatter,
fore through the O-line came a blitzing Urlacher.
Down in a heap, now fourth-and-ten,
looks like Vinatieri's got to win it again.

The game clock expires, the victory is yours;
you can play one more game before starting the chores.
The kickoff flies as you headline Monday Night,
Merry Maddenoliday to all and to all...Boom! Now that's football!

The Eukanuba Diet

2006-08-20T20:35:00.000-04:00

I have a miniature schnauzer and was buying a 25 lb. bag of Eukanuba at TSC, waiting in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Eukanuba Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Eukanuba chunks and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it one more time.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned to end up in the hospital. I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to have help as he staggered to the door in hysterics.

F.E.A.R. Multiplayer client free

2006-08-19T23:06:00.000-04:00

Vivendi Games has just announced (actually like 2 days ago, hurray alchohol binge) that the multiplayer portion of the mega-hit F.E.A.R. is available for download under the codename of "F.E.A.R. Combat". Users will be able to engage in online matches with owners of the full version of the game in what appears to be a massive advertising campaign for the upcoming expansion pack "Extraction Point" scheduled to be released October 1st.

Pretty goddamned good idea I must say - see you online in ooooooh, about 55 hours (fuck paying fileplanet for fast servers).

http://www.joinfear.com/main

You know how I know I'm gay?

2006-08-18T23:34:00.000-04:00

Back when Boz worked for Codemasters a common request from me over AIM became, "so send it" - being the phrase I used every time Boz talked about a new game they were putting out. In my defense, it was games that represented the male sexuality so dominant in video games today - Second Sight, IGI-2, Operation Flashpoint, Toca - you know, games I wouldn't ever buy but I'd play the shit out of them if they were free.

Anyway, somewhere along the line he sent a copy of American Idol. My wife questioned why I had spent money on it almost immediately being that I didn't even watch the TV show. Long story short, I put it with my collection of games - I just hid it behind them so that no one would ever see it...till last night.

Looking for old shit to Ebay away to help finance my Xbox 360 fund (btw click the Adsense shit above to help out), I ran across it. Out of curiousity and fresh off an ass-kicking in NCAA 2007, I put it in - and by 12:05 Friday morning I was the next American Idol.

This game is an honest-to-Xenu piece of shit. The gameplay is essentially a Leisure Suit Larry mini-game minus the cartoon nudity. You time buttons while your idol strafes back and forth while banging out hits from N'Sync and the Backdoor Boys. After you finish your anal-assault towards Clay Aikenism, the only other game modes are jukebox and karaoke sessions you can sing along to at home. I dunno, I'm not going to dignify anything else to this post cause I think my point has been made - I'm a newly reknown homosexual.

Anyway, I gotta hop on Halo 2 to blow some shit up and reassure my place amongst heterosexual males.

*sidenote: The South Park episode entitled: "South Park is Gay!" just came on Fox. This could be a long night.

Halo 2 shit-talking

2006-08-17T22:25:00.000-04:00

New Nationwide Insurance Ad

2006-08-16T21:55:00.000-04:00

Nationwide is a well-known insurance company who has their world headquarters located in Columbus, and to go along with the typical daily emails I get about OSU, the Bengals and the Reds, I came across this one today...

it's the new Nationwide Insurance ad:

Fantasy Draft

2006-08-10T22:44:00.000-04:00

I jsut finished my firs tfantasy draft of the year, a keeper league where I finished 4th in last year. I had drafted Javon Walker and Deuce McAllister as 2 of my first 3 draft picks, so my 2 keeprs eneded up being Willis McGahee and Torry Holt. Anyway, my team for the 2006 season:

QB: Donovan McNabb, PHI, Ben Roethlisberger, PIT, Byron Leftwich, JAX
RB: Willis McGahee, BUF, DeShaun Foster, CAR, Fred Taylor, JAX, DeAngelo Williams, CAR, Marion Barber, DAL
WR: Torry Holt, STL, Randy Moss, OAK, Plaxico Burress, NYG, Donte Stallworth, NO, Braylon Edwards, CLE
TE: Todd Heap, BAL, Heath Miller, PIT
K: Mike Vanderjagt, DAL, Ryan Lindell, BUF
DEF: Jacksonville, New England

The league is QB heavy, and last year with Marc Bulger as my 4th round pick I prospered pretty well until playoff time, when I had to rely on Aaron Brooks and Chris Simms to pick up where the pussy left off.

Starting positions are 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 K, 1 DEF

Anyway, I'm drunk as a motherfucker and am tired of retyping words.

Jealous as a bitch

2006-08-10T02:20:00.000-04:00

Earnings down?

2006-08-03T00:04:00.000-04:00

How fuckin' pompous do you have to be?

click to enlarge

August 22nd is just around the corner, and you know you can't wait. If you're someone who has to beat your buddies from the time you crack open the game, then you need to check out Inside Madden NFL 07, an ESPN Pay-Per-View exclusive. Premiering this Friday, August 4th, at 8 p.m. EST, this special features a never-before-seen, behind-the-scenes look at how Madden NFL 07 was put together. EA game designers and top Madden ballers lead the guided tour of new changes and advances in all aspects of the game. But don't take our word for it. Visit here to check out a few clips from the show.

Inside Madden NFL 07, an ESPN Pay-Per-View exclusive is available on TV and Online. To order, call your Pay-Per-View Provider or log on to ESPN.com, search: Madden. For re-airs throughout the month of August, check www.espntv.com listings or contact your pay-per-view provider. Madden NFL 07 will be available in stores on August 22. Pre-order Madden NFL 07 today!

"My boys too much of a problem Sheriff?"

2006-08-02T22:17:00.000-04:00

+10 bonus points if you named the movie that quote came from

I remember hearing about how Oklahoma went and got the #1 and #2 recruits in the nation 3 years ago and were just going to trump the recent accomplishments of USC and rival the greatest dynasties in college football under Bob Stoops.

And to boot - those 2 recruits (QB Rhett Bomar & HB Adrian Peterson) were taken from the state of their longtime rival, Texas.

Soooooooo, fast forward to as about 2 hours ago surfing the web, I see that our favorite drunken coed QB since Steve Bellisari has been kicked off the team for receiving payments from a job at which he didn't work. Well, perhaps he did work - but he didn't work what he was paid for, so forgive my halfassed blogger journalism skills.

Two years later Texas hasn't forgotten. Over at hornfans.com the message boards are being slammed with not-so subtle reminders about the deed that was done that signing day. Check 'em out - this could get as good as the Florida boards in the Kellen Winslow "soldja" incident after the Tennessee game his junior year.

The AP news story linked in this post has the full story, if that doesn't tell you enough then head over to ESPN to read what wildass speculation some idiot will post over there. Just remember, regardless what you read there, it's only 2 players (Bomar and OL Jamie Quinn - no relation to Dr. Quinn or Brady) and it's safe to assume they weren't rolling Benz's around Norman.

Shoulda stayed in Texas, Rhett. If Coach Kilmer taught us anything, it was that nothing is more important than football in Texas. He woulda handled this shit looooong before anyone put some ink down on it.

Stacy Kiebler

2006-07-17T01:14:00.000-04:00

Ya, I guess I kinda owe the massive FM crowd something for not posting since the Super Bowl. As always, be sure to click the images to enlarge them...

Los astilla espléndida

2006-07-16T15:27:00.000-04:00

Usually former #1 overall picks aren't easy to forget: Chipper is a household name, Lebron is a quickly developing 2nd coming of Xenu and Joe Mauer is finally legitimizing his #1 pick over Mark Prior.

The 2000 MLB Amateur draft brought the Marlins Adrian Gonzalez at #1 overall and looking back, who knows who will be the best player out of that draft, there really isn't any standout guys that rock you with their cock out.

The Fish traded AGonzalez to the Rangers in 2003 to acquire Ugueth Urbina (who currently is serving time in a South American prison for pouring gasoline on his field workers and igniting them in flame) resulting in a World Championship for the Marlins, can't fault them for that at all.

The Rangers had no clue what to do with him already having Texeira at first base and needed to commit to either him or Gonzalez and they made the obvious choice for that time by going with Tex.

Enter the Padres, who at this point look like they have stolen Gonzalez from the Rangers for an oft-injured Adam Eaton and an old Japanese reliever, Aki Otsuka. To cap it off, they threw in Chris Young who is having a great year pitching in the vastness of Petco Park (at least until the Braves hit town).

While Tony Gwynn tends to talk out of his expediently-growing ass, he calls Gonzalez "the best young hitter I've seen in the SD organization in 10 years". Adrian is doing what he can to back up the statement hitting .275 with 16 HR and 44 RBI (as of July 15) compared to Texeira's .276 12 HR and 57 RBI you can see the Rangers really had something on their bench. Throw in the fact that you have to hit the ball 900 ft too hit a dinger at the Pet, Adrian's first year fulltime numbers are even that more impressive.

Could Adrian Gonzalez be the Mexican Ted Williams? Too early to tell but for now, we'll just call him "Los astilla espléndida"

"The Trade" Aftermath

2006-07-14T22:24:00.000-04:00

It is downright fucking amazing how fun Major League Baseball can be when you have a GM with grapefruit-sized balls swinging to 'n fro. I mean, with every new regime you get excuses when things go wrong - "he was never one of my guys" is a favorite of mine, and Dan O'Brien was really good at uttering it. But now ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce...

Reds' General Manager Wayne Krivsky

"Seriously. You try walking with this pleasure kit between your legs."

Current Nationals GM Jim Bowden had a flair for the dramatic - Deion Sanders, Sean Casey (I mean back when we thought he was a 30 HR guy), Ken Griffey Jr. - if there was a way to sell tickets he was going to do it. That unfortunately paid a huge price in the long run - we led the league in scoring but suffer the worst cumulative ERA in MLB over the last 6 years. Now exit Bowden, introduce Dan O'Brien. O'Brien had the right idea - rebuild the club thru the minors...he was just a retard. I mean, a giant, fucking retard.

Enter Krivsky. For the last 27 years, Krivsky has been training under the watchful eye of Xenu & perhaps Teebee's "God" (if that b.s. holds up on judgement day) to develop the perfect baseball team right here in Cincinnati. He began work in the ticket department for the Rangers in January 1977, and 2 years later he was named assistant director of player development and scouting. From that origin he went onto player evaluation, contract negotiations some 4 years later and then in 1990-and-4, he was promoted to special assistant to general manager Terry Ryan. In 1998 he was promoted to assistant general manager, and then on that fateful day of February 8th, 2006 he fulfilled the prophecy mentioned in Dianetics of taking over the Reds and leading them to the promised land.

Career journeyman C Dave Ross (now .311, 12 HR in 120 AB's), a man struggling to stay in the starting 5 at Boston in P Bronson Arroyo (9-5, 3.12 ERA & all-star selection), and 1B Scott Hatteberg (.304, .405 OBP) made us soon somewhat forget about fan favorite Sean Casey were just the first of Krivsky's brilliance. Former unfulfilled talented IF Brandon Phillips arrived shortly before the season to eventually get flat out robbed of an all-star selection batting .300 with 44 RBI's and 16-16 SB's. With those giant steps for mankind, Krivsky cleared up a logjam in the outfield rumored to one day set off the Pacific "Ring-of-Fire", he provided a reason to make C Jason LaRue earn his paycheck with his bat as well as his glove, he got us another starting pitcher in Arroyo (ixnay on the Dave Williams-nay), and he resurrected the career of an enormously talented young infielder. As of the all-star break, the Reds were a game above .500 and 4 games out of first place behind NL Central leading St. Louis.

We would've been 11 games over had we played remotely decent the last 3 weeks before it.

Culprit? Bullpen! A part of the team that at least 14 other clubs in the National League alone are trying to upgrade for a potential playoff run, Krivsky finds a former all-star closer in Eddie Guardado to help shut down games when we had only saved 8 of the last 20 opportunities. "Well shit bironm, what happens when the starters only pitch 6 innings or so?" Glad you ask - because yesterday we moved 3 players to help build a bullpen capable of shutting down the middle innings to get to "Every-Day Eddie."

Another culprit is horrendous defense. I mean, grown men & professional baseball infielders were well on a pace to give up 60+ errors on the left side of the infield alone. Adam D-O-N-E is a god awful outfielder defensively, but with 29 HR's and 60+ RBI's at this point in the season I don't give a fuck honestly. Anyway, to help our perhaps overachieving starters we move 2005 all-star SS Felipe Lopez and pick up a 36 year-old journeyman defensive ace Royce Clayton. It sounds shitty, especially when accompanied by losing your best all-around outfielder in Austin Kearns...yes, I said "best all-around", but you really have to ask yourself - where would the Reds be at the end of the year with Lopez and Kearns?

Where will we be if we can convert saves on a regular basis? You have to give something to get something, and Krivsky again beared his ginormous nutsack and rocked the very foundation of the Cincinnati fanbase.

But - mark my words, he's not done yet in 2006...

2007 EA Lineup info

2006-05-07T22:26:00.000-04:00

Some good E3 EA Sports news, welcome the F back Franchise mode!

Along with playable demos that showcase deep new offerings of Madden NFL 07 and NCAA Football 07, EA will feature tech demonstrations of NBA Live, Tiger Woods PGA Tour and FIFA Soccer behind closed doors in the EA Sports Lab. These demos will illustrate the new tools and development philosophy that drives gameplay and feature innovation in EA Sports games on next generation consoles. Highlighting the EA Sports Lab will be never-before-seen technology that delivers authentic athletic performance -- the athletic movements, awareness, look and emotional intensity that bring characters to life in EA Sports games. The Lab will also feature a demonstration of ESPN content integrated in upcoming EA Sports games, including ESPN ticker and ESPN SportsCenter Radio updates.

Madden NFL 07 -- With the exclusive video game license of the NFL and its players, Madden NFL 07 continues to be the #1 football franchise in history with more than 51 million copies sold. In its 17th installment, you control the running game like never before. For the first time ever, step up as the lead blocker to create a hole, and then take control of the tailback and smash through, overpower, or slash away from would-be tacklers as you fight for every yard. Innovative rushing controls give you a game-breaking ground attack featuring all-new jukes, cutbacks, and the distinct running styles of your favorite backs. Developed by EA Tiburon, Madden NFL 07 will launch in August on the Xbox 360, Xbox videogame system from Microsoft, PlayStation 2 computer entertainment system, Nintendo GameCube, PSP system, PC, Nintendo DS and Game Boy Advance. Madden NFL 07 is also in development on the PlayStation 3 console and Nintendo Wii.

NCAA Football 07 -- Momentum changes everything -- now college football's most celebrated videogame turns the tide with NCAA Football 07. Whether battling your biggest rival or playing for the first-ever BCS National Championship Game in Dynasty Mode, success on the field depends on your ability to maintain momentum. Featuring unprecedented graphics that capture every moment in complete detail -- from the authenticity of the stadiums, mascots, and marching bands, to the true-to-life look and feel of the players on the field. NCAA Football 07 delivers the most realistic college football experience ever. NCAA Football 07 is scheduled to ship in July on the PlayStation 2 console, Xbox, Xbox 360 and the PSP system.

NASCAR 07 (Working title) -- Take risks, be rewarded, and become a champion with NASCAR 07 on the PSP system. With all-new Adrenaline Moments, use your skill and instinct during the most intense situations and control the outcome by avoiding disastrous wrecks and flying debris. Maintain your focus on dangerous conditions ahead with the new RaceBreaker feature, which guides you through every treacherous moment of the race. With all-new speed blurring, realistic spark and smoke effects, and camera shakes, get your adrenaline pumping and experience the all-out drama and intensity of 190-mph racing with NASCAR 07.

DSL's to inspire Chuck

2006-03-25T14:43:00.000-05:00

MLB 2k6 Top 25 batters

2006-02-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

So while we don't have MVP 2006 coming out in the next month (which sucks major donkey dick!) we have MLB 2k6 coming out for the last gen consoles and the next gen. This game last year was one of the worst games, not sports games, but all around overall games I've played in my lifetime. IT WAS HORRIBLE! The gameplay was for an ADD stricken 12-year old who can't handle more than 2 seconds of cutscene or non-gameplay.

I have no choice but to try 2k6 for 360 when it comes out, but I'm not hoping for miracles.

Anyways, they (they being IGN) release the top 25 batters in the game, so here goes:

1: Albert Pujols

Overall: 100
Contact vs. LHP: 80
Contact vs. RHP: 89
Power vs. LHP 88
Power vs. RHP 95
Bunt: 22
Plate Discipline: 96
Clutch: 76
Walks: 62
Strikeouts: 49
Speed: 58
Rating someone a 100 overall is like saying "sure, my dick is 9 inches long!", just don't do it 2k6, they have sucked at rosters in the past, and they continue to do so.

#2: Alex Rodriguez
Overall: 100
Contact vs. LHP: 80
Contact vs. RHP: 84
Power vs. LHP 87
Power vs. RHP 93
Bunt: 28
Plate Discipline: 61
Clutch: 68
Walks: 66
Strikeouts: 31
Speed: 80
"WOW MY PENIS NOW 10 INCHES...AROUND"

#3 Vladi Guerrero
Overall: 100
Contact vs. LHP: 89
Contact vs. RHP: 90
Power vs. LHP 94
Power vs. RHP 89
Bunt: 27
Plate Discipline: 73
Clutch: 68
Walks: 65
Strikeouts: 46
Speed: 81
"um, sure, it keeps on growing!"

#4 Big Papi Ortiz
Overall: 100
Contact vs. LHP: 99
Contact vs. RHP: 80
Power vs. LHP 95
Power vs. RHP 88
Bunt: 16
Plate Discipline: 56
Clutch: 80
Walks: 60
Strikeouts: 33
Speed: 42
"one more 100 rated player, this thing is going to explode"

#5 Manny Ramirez
Overall: 100
Contact vs. LHP: 76
Contact vs. RHP: 89
Power vs. LHP 89
Power vs. RHP 97
Bunt: 24
Plate Discipline: 66
Clutch: 81
Walks: 78
Strikeouts: 32
Speed: 55
"POP, yep, there it goes"

Well dammit, click the link if you want to see more of this list, all i know is that 1-8 on the list are rated 100 overall, and none of them is Barry Bonds, so this game just lost all credibility

FU 2k for taking MVP away. I hope you die a miserable death.

No hard feelings though.

Vince Young bombs the Wonderlic

2006-02-27T15:24:00.000-05:00

Although many sources are denying it, Vince young has reportedly received a score of 6 out of 50 on the Wonderlic test. Hilarious, the fact that these guys are this unintelligent somehow makes me feel like the better human although they could beat me in the smallest of physical feats.

Today's challenge! Beat Vince Young in the Wonderlic! That should give you a good taste of why Vince failed this test miserably, I can't imagine most "student" athletes spend much time hitting the books these days, I'm sure VYoung never anticipated actually having to be smart for anything other than chucking a ball around.

How do other athletes compare to Vince's score?

Alex Smith's score: 40

Vince Young: 6

Whether this matters remains to be seen but to me it just shows how damn dumb a lot of successful athletes are.

Post your scores on the test link above, be interesting to see how you all do. I nailed 8 of 9, only one i missed was the damn daylight question.

Top 50 MLB Propects

2006-02-26T16:25:00.000-05:00

Some more action to get you ready for Spring training games (which starts on Tuesday!)

Baseball America has released their top 50 minor league prospects and it's definitely a pretty accurate list. A couple of my favorites on the list:

#3: BRANDON WOOD, ss, Angels
"He's still going to get better. He looks like the next Cal Ripken to me." --San Jose manager Lenn Sakata ETA: 2007
I saw this guy play almost every day covering the Arizona Fall league last oct/nov. He did not disappoint hitting an AFL record 14 home runs as well as a deep 3-run oppo shot in the USA Olympic Qualifying tournament. The scouts comment that he reminds him of Ripken is spot-on, dude can flat out hit, field and throw, just the whole package.

Just check out his stats from MILB.com Dude is the real freakin' deal, most likely plays 3b for the Halos starting 2007 as they have a ton of good middle infielders.

6. FRANCISCO LIRIANO, lhp, Twins
"He's filthy. We're talking three big league pitches, and everything looks easy."
--Indianapolis manager Trent Jewett
ETA: 2006

I haven't seen him play but he might be the #1 on my Looking-forward-to-seeing-play list for the 2006 season. Most likely starts with the Twinkies this season but I wouldn't be surprised to see him come up a month in to safeguard that arm.

Alleged he has the same changeup as teammate/Venezualan Johan Santana as well as much better velocity, touching 94-98 mph at times. Twins will be a force if they can get him, Mauer and Morneau rolling, watch out Palehose!

9. LASTINGS MILLEDGE, of, Mets
"He's going to be an all-star caliber player. You hit home runs with a quick bat, which he's got, and down the road he could steal 35 to 40 bases."--anonymous scout ETA: 2006
Another one of my AFL favorites, had some big clutch hits multiple times in games including a walk-off HR off heralded Marlins closer Travis Bowyer. Guy is about a year in AA away from contributing to the Mets.

Look for him to replace Cliff Floyd mid 2008 or earlier if they decide to get rid of Cliff's outfield antics. Lastings isn't the best OF in his own right but steadily improved throughout the winter league and just needs to keep playing. One hell of an exciting player.

12. HOWIE KENDRICK, 2b, Angels
"I just love his bat. He gets the barrel into the zone very quickly and it stays there for a very long time."--anonymous scout ETA: 2007

Forget the hype about AFL MVP Eric Duncan, Howie was far and away the best hitter in the Arizona Fall league. Every ball just jumped off his bat the entire league and he played a pretty good 2nd base.

Only problem for Howie: Finding a place to play. My prediction is Howie could go to the MLB's and get 150-175 hits this year, whether the Halos give him a shot to supplant incumbent Adam Kennedy is another question. A hot spring could force their hand. I say he replaces AK after the Halos get off to a slow start, coming up from AAA Salt Lake sometime around May 10.

Those are some of my favorite players on the Baseball America list of top 50, look for all of them in action this week as MLB.com provides live scores of spring training for the first time ever.

Play Ball!

World Baseball Classic

2006-02-24T20:34:00.000-05:00

Ok, so not everyone is as hyped up about the WBC as I am, but man, I just really am into it. Before everyone here says "noone in the US is gonna care about this, blah blah" I don't give a crap.

To let the hype continue, here is a really nice site at espn.com, highly flash animated that has all tv listings, early team previews, etc.

Really a cool site, check it out.

ESPN World Baseball Classic site

World Baseball Classic Trophy

2006-02-22T14:19:00.000-05:00

DR gonna be pimping this hardware??

Fantasy Baseball Preview

2006-02-16T18:16:00.000-05:00

If you love fantasy (which I kind of do but I know others absolutely love) then it is that time of year when the real fantasy sport begins: FANTASY BASEBALL!

Whether you play in a head-to-head stat category league, league play with a full boxscore every day or just like watching real baseball (reality is enough for me, only fantasy I like is Willa Ford) these previews are enough to get you ready for spring. Get all that useless football knowledge out of your head, thinking about a game once a week just makes you dumb and lazy as a sports fan.

It would be interesting to see if we could get together an active Franchise Mode Fantasy League, post in the comments if you are interested.

Here's some quick links to get you ready for your draft! PLAY BALL!

-MLB.com Fantasy Baseball player rankings

-Yahoo Fantasy Baseball

-MLB.com Fantasy home page

-Team Roster Pages

-MLB Depth Charts

- Printable AL Player Rankings

- Printable NL Player Rankings

Fight Night 360 T'n'A

2006-02-09T21:48:00.000-05:00

If you don't have a 360, and like to whack it to pixelated boobs and bums, here goes!

Where are ya Chuck buddy, I can't run this site without you! Don't worry Carson's knee will be ok.

These athletes are complete and utter morons

2006-02-05T22:16:00.000-05:00

So you just win a Superbowl, you are up there accepting the MVP trophy and you blurt out "We couldn't have did it without these teammates."

Holy shit Hines Ward is a moron.

Should cut him some slack, he is University of Georgia educated.

Congrats Steelers, Suck my schlong.

Super Bowl XL

2006-02-05T16:59:00.000-05:00

Wouldn't be a sports site without a Super Bowl preview now would it?

Pittsburgh 27
Seattle 17

You read it here.

Anna Benson's Big Fat Mouth

2006-02-04T16:30:00.000-05:00

Well, Anna Benson is at it again.

Quick backtrack for those of you unaware of who this former stripper/FHM model/Mom/Loudmouth broad is, she's married to former New York Mets hurler Kris Benson and has been in the news recently because she was traded, I digress, Kris was traded to the Baltimore Orioles for "bullpen" help.

In all actuality it was due to a variety of nuclear verbal darts she has thrown at anyone she feels is deserving from Mets GM Omar Minaya for shopping Benson around only a year after he, i mean they, signed with the Mets to criticizing Carlos Delgado over not standing for the God Bless America over bombing runs in his native Puerto Rico (seriously, i hate that effing song so much I'm going to join him at the next Yankees game). Then she topped it all off by showing up in pornstar garb for a recent Children's Christmas Event wearing this dress:

Benson's latest criticism is aimed directly at the oh-so-offensive and parapalegic James Brady of Ronald Reagon bodyguard fame. I'm just going to plagiarize the entire article from the New York Daily News.

"Barely a week after the Mets traded pitcher Kris Benson to the Baltimore Orioles, his spitfire wife, Anna, is trading brickbats with the locals.
Her latest adversary is gun-control advocate James Brady, who lives just outside Washington, a short drive from Baltimore. The 65-year-old Brady was paralyzed - and nearly killed - by John Hinckley's bullet during the 1981 assassination attempt on Brady's then-boss, President Ronald Reagan.

"I am afraid of gun-control lobbyists," the 29-year-old Benson writes on her Web site, annabenson.net, where she calls herself a "pistol-packing mama," reveals that weapons are placed "strategically" all over her house and urges everyone to obtain a firearm.

"I think that it is ridiculous that I am not allowed to protect myself in my private NY apartment because people like Jim Brady want to remove potential crime guns from the market," Benson adds.

Yesterday Brady told me: "Anna Benson sounds like an idiot. I'm honored to not have her on my team. ... She scares me. She's a head case." But Brady added: "I might be willing to have lunch with her if she doesn't bring her piece."

Benson's flack, Ronn Torossian, fired back: "It's safe to say that Anna is saddened and sorry about the unfortunate experience that James Brady suffered. But by calling her an idiot, he's calling every responsible gun owner an idiot."

Pistols at dawn?

Props to JimBo for dropping the public slander of "She's an idiot", a highly underrated but effective slam. To sum it up, this bitch be crazy. Sometimes the tits just aren't worth the squeeze.

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06 (PS2)

2006-01-31T10:57:00.000-05:00

I always have to purchase a golf game every year to make up for my lack of playing it in real life. See, I'm still young enough that I get myself into a 150-game summer softball schedule, and I'm just too incompetent to maintain a golf stroke and a softball swing at the same time. Well maybe that's not entirely true - I mean, I figured I'd win the lottery sometime before my 23rd birthday, would tee off every morning in a new pair of khakis, hunt fox in the afternoon with my rather large pack of dogs and play in an exhilarating game of polo later that evening as my supermodel wife looks on thru a tiny spectacle telescope with the other snooty bitches along the sideline.

Alas, none of this happened even though I use words like "alas" to begin sentences. Sure, the sense of sophistication occasionally rises in my online persona, but then you take the time to talk to me over messenger, headset or phone and after the first few "fucks" out of my mouth you immediately begin to label me a bit more accurately. Fact is I drag my ass out of bed at 7:42am to get to work by 8, co-exist with people who if were any more stupid would need watered twice a week, then get home in the evening and blog my opinion about sports and video games to an audience countable by both of my hands and one foot while my wife screams at me to get my ass off the computer. I guess I'll just keep playing the lottery so that I can one day live that life I described, but in the mean time I'll try to fix that blog traffic thing and quit going off on crazy fuckin' tangents that have nothing to do with what I entitled this post in the first place.

gratuitous transition pic to help change the subject

Ahh yes, Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06 for the PS2.

As a blunt, overall statement - if you liked the 2005 version than you'll enjoy the 2006 version. The game has most of the same features with a few added in, with this year featuring new shot mechanics, a few new courses/golfers and other various improvements over past editions. If you're among the crowd that says that it is too easy and unrealistic - nothing's changed. The Tour mode is back again and improved, you can turn off power boost and spin, but with 11's across the board (formerly 110%'s) you can still shoot well below par regardless. Some despise that, but I'm largely an online player anyway - when the other golfer has 11's across the board as well, it plays like a real golf game would - every shot counts, and sometimes pulling up and setting up a shot is much more valuable than trying to reach the Par 5 in 2.

But yes, it is the typical EA exclusive licensing-rehash we've known and grown to love, however unlike Madden - this game doesn't suck.

you gotta click this pic and read some of this - great stuff

"Call out your rivals" is apparently the catch phrase this year, as the Rivals Mode has received a massive revamp into a more streamlined, interactive atmosphere. You still more or less beat several imaginary golfers before facing a past great, but instead of facing off with Ben Hogan or something - you face him in the time where he ruled the course, back when he got more ass than a toilet seat. Rivals mode has time travelling, with your objective being to become the No. 1 golfer of all time. You need to beat the "Turn of the Century", "Golden Age", "Baby Boomer" and "Modern Age" in your quest to become the best (that rhymes...noted*), so I really like the layout a lot better this time around vs. seemingly awakening the dead for a round of golf last year.

Tiger in a Jim Tressel-sweatervest and aristocratic pants

Online play is again anything but consistent as far as connection issues - if you've had problems hooking up to certain people in the past, you're going to have problems again. Not only this, but now some people actually cannot log into the Daily Tournament without jimmying a few things with system settings you're generally not supposed to have to do. The increased online pro shop items, mini games and every day event schedule gives the online portion of PS2 golf a good mark, however the fact you may not be able to log into it brings it back down to earth.

*If you're not online enabled, the Real-Time Events calendar is back with more events than ever to keep the game fresh all year long.

The Game Face feature I feel was perfected last year - I mean, it went from being able to adjust facial pore-size to adding a pimple into it. You could really tell the size, age and weight of my golfer by looking at him...well, that is if I didn't create him to look like I did when I was a stud athlete in high school. You know, perfect face, muscles embellished beyond my imagination and a tan that reflects the aforementioned life from the 2nd paragraph of this review.

They did include some unlockable features on the game if you play the PSP version, but I read that it sucked ass and haven't played it yet. I have no ending for this paragraph so I take a small bow.

The courses are again beautiful and well laid out. Doral, Pasatiempo, Pumpkin Ridge & Reflection Bay joins Bethpage Black, Cog Hill, Kapalua, Pebble Beach, Sahalee, Sawgrass, St. Andrews & Troon North as the authentic PGA courses. "Central Park" is the new fantasy course this year with a unique inner city design, joining Tiger 2004 favorite "Greek Isles" and 2003 favorite "Red Rock Creek" to make for 16 available courses to play on. To improve these courses which were really perfected 2 editions ago (with current-gen settings, naturally), EA has added more background noise - hopping rabbits, birds flying, ...caribou(?) grazing - it definitely does add another small dose of reality to the experience.

And no, you can't drill the caribou with the ball. Tried that. 8 or 12 times.

Aside from the noted birds and various nature sounds in the background, Gary McCord and David Feherty are back with one of the better EA broadcast teams, with McCord always the professional and Feherty always the smartass. This pairing has been a mainstay in the franchise for a few years now, and really helps to make this game an overall complete product. No feature of this game is left unrefined.

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06 has undergone some significant changes, however the ease of play has either drove you from it or it hasn't - simple as that. One of the more, if not the most complete EA product on the market, 06 has impressed me once again and I plan to be playing it well into 2006 - if not up until 2007 is released

Game Sites: EA Sports, Gamepro, Gamespot, IGN
Gaming Communities: EA Sports Forums, Shankers Unified Golf Association, Tiger Woods Online, Total Online Play

PSP Wallpaper, Vol. #2

2006-01-29T23:35:00.000-05:00

I actually wrote a long review of Tiger Woods on Saturday morning, but my browser crashed and I haven't had the heart to post anything since. Seriously, that's traumatic shit - lotta work, and honestly that post didn't even suck.

Anyway, second round of PSP wallpapers - as usual, click the pics for the actual PSP size.

Shit On You 2 Times

2006-01-27T00:55:00.000-05:00

You may or may not remember back in October when I defied all laws of physics and defeated the expert level at Minesweeper, but now I'm back and I beat my best time by 186 seconds.

Again, serving no purpose other than to stroke my own e-penis and piss off Swade should he still be alive (in the event of you know, dieing or perhaps moving to Canada or something), but it's a lameass post with a personal achievement but gives me a free day off as if I had a schedule in the first place.

Word.

Don't wanna say I told you so but....

2006-01-26T10:44:00.000-05:00

FCUK SIRIUS!

Being a non-Howard Stern supporter, I have to say I told you so. While I may not have said it right here in flashing lights on Fmode (since i'm a shitty blogger and dammit I'm trying to change!) I've been saying since I heard that Stern was moving to satelite radio that it wasn't going to work and it was going to end badly.

I think Sirius has tied way too much effing stock into one guy and their success/failure is mainly around one guy who has absolutly no character, has even less talent and is basically an over the hill bachelor who is creepily on the verge of becoming a dirty old man. I just thought when I saw how much Sirius has invested in one guy it would end badly, kind of like the Pittsburgh Pirates signing ARod to a 175 million contract, it ain't going to freaking work.

Sirius radio's veritable Golden Goose has got to be developing a stress-induced bald spot when he got the news that Sirius is in the process of putting togther a set of rules that actually describe what words he can or can't say on air, what he can discuss and what he can expose.

Why would Sirius do this? Well, when they inked Stern to a big contract years/months back there was no threat of gubament regulations on satelite radio and they figured he could come into the studio and drop F-bombs and all the truck drivers and jackasses that actually enjoy Howard Stern would say "This is awesome! He can say Fuck on the radio! Give me another chew!"

Sorry Sirius, the government is currently developing similar FCC regulations for satelite radio broadcasts that I just don't feel like researching to explain (you can find more about it here). How this affects Stern remains to be seen but his free-for-all has ended as quickly as it began.

I enjoy his E! show as much as the next guy, mainly for the women made to take off thier clothes and jiggle around but even that is pay-per-view on-demand on cable now.

So what it comes down to is "I told you so, I was right, this will end badly" was prophetic advice. Thanks, props to Teebee.

THANK YOU NEW YORK! Yes I am a Tool!

It's almost time....

2006-01-24T16:48:00.000-05:00

Saw this on MLB.com

Here are 20 reasons why spring is a beautiful thing:

1. Batter vs. pitcher: The hardest thing to do in sports is to hit a pitched baseball. It is that simple mano a mano act that has enticed most of us for as long as we can remember. The last one we saw was Bobby Jenks vs. Orlando Palmeiro at Minute Maid Park; now, the anticipation increases with each day.

2. Doubt before certainty: "If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties," said Francis Bacon. No camp will have certainty.

3. Viva la belle époque: Baseball's new golden age will roll on. It is as sure as the cherry tree that lost its leaves last autumn during the Chicago White Sox victory parade, only to soon unveil its dazzling spring blossoms like professional athletes at 30 Major League camps filled with hope anew. A different champion has been crowned each year in this decade, and long and laborious droughts have died. Because every team must have doubts, every team also must have hope.

4. Road trip! If you haven't already booked your hotels and mapped out the Spring Training schedule, then now is the time. MLB.com has partnered with Visit Florida to help you find your way with schedules, maps and special travel packages for your favorite team. Your ticket awaits.

5. Coppertone and 85-degree weather: You are that much closer to the prospect of basking under a blazing sun on the outfield berm grass of the Phillies' gorgeous Bright House Network Field in Clearwater, or points beyond.

6. "Will you sign this, please?" There is no better time during a calendar year than Spring Training for the time-honored ritual of autograph hunting. How exactly did this tradition begin? Who signed the first autograph in mankind? Today, it is a fact of life to seek out the signature of a favorite celebrity, and the combination of small-park confines and relaxed player schedules equal greater opportunity for your calligraphic quest.

7. World Baseball Classic: This will be a Spring Training unlike any other before it. Fans who migrate south this spring can also double their pleasure by watching this inaugural event from March 3-20. It will feature 16 nations, many of them represented largely by their native Major League stars, and some of the early venues for this round-robin tournament include Orlando, Fla.; Phoenix and Scottsdale, Ariz.; and Anaheim. The Finals will take place at PETCO Park in San Diego.

8. Clothes do make the man: What will Nomar Garciaparra look like wearing Dodger blue around Vero Beach? What will Johnny Damon look like in pinstripes on Tampa's Legends Field? Spring Training is the annual runway for the newest models of baseball couture, and at this point on the calendar, you realize that you still have just enough time to order your new customized jersey to take with you.

9. Phenoms: Ryan Zimmerman, Lastings Milledge, Justin Verlander and Jered Weaver are the kinds of reasons many people can't wait for Spring Training. And with the WBC this spring, the phenoms in camp could get more visibility than ever.

10. Prickly pair of pronouns: We just love saying "Cactus League" and "Grapefruit League."

11. Fantasy cometh: The approach of Spring Training means that your annual fantasy draft cannot be far behind. Already, the wheels are spinning in the mind of the average fantasy owner, wondering if Bronson Arroyo's new contract extension means he'll start for Boston, and whether Roger Clemens will be back with Houston or at all.

12. Because you get tired of staring out the window: "People ask me what I do in the winter when there's no baseball," Hall of Famer Rogers Hornsby once said. "I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring."

13. Fundamentals are fun: The only thing better than watching a bunch of pitchers covering first on slow rollers is seeing them execute the technique during crucial games later in the year. But there is a greater appreciation among those who actually saw them trying to perfect the play during those basic days in late February.

14. "Hey, Yogi, you got that insurance?" Spring Training is a chance to get close to baseball legends, whether it's a Yogi Berra in Tampa or an Ernie Banks in Mesa. It is a chance for those legends to be around their beloved game on a warm day, and to share in the relaxed setting with those fans who remember them.

15. The lore: Being at Spring Training conjures up memories of the past, when Pete Incaviglia once hit a line drive right through the outfield fence at the Texas Rangers' Pompano Beach ballpark, and when Michael Jordan once took the field for the Chicago White Sox in Sarasota. It was Spring Training that the Cincinnati Red Stockings first frequented in 1888, when manager Gus Schmelz convinced owner Aaron Stern that players and the club could split the cost while the team would meld into shape. It is the mindset that brought Cap Anson's fun-loving 1886 Chicago White Sox to Hot Springs, Ark., so they could "boil out the alcoholic microbes."

16. Thhhwoppp! It's that unmistakable sound of a high-90s fastball exploding into a new catcher's mitt. And that unmistakable crack of a bat's barrel connecting perfectly solid with a Rawlings baseball. Matt Williams once said that his only objective at Spring Training was "to get the head of the bat on the ball." That's where it will happen for many, and it's less than a month away.

17. Outfield running: As you watch players run along the outfield warning track after appearing in an exhibition game, you truly appreciate the informality of Spring Training. The casual mentality is transferred directly to the fan in the stands.

18. Reading time: Once pitchers and catchers arrive, all those new baseball books and preseason publications are sure to follow. It's the time when you head for the bookstore to find the new Baseball Prospectus or the Sporting News Register. Astros fans can already order "Inside the Magical Seasons" to relive the 2004-05 campaigns -- and then look it over while they sit in the stands in Kissimmee to see what awaits in 2006.

19. Fan practice: Face it, Spring Training is practice time for you as well. It's where you get into the groove of lathering ballpark dogs with just the right amount of mustard, kicking back in the perfect seat, filling out a scorecard and most important, getting into the flow of the action on the field.

20. It's the national pastime: It's as normal as the Earth rotating around the sun in 365.256 days. It's 1.000 in the won-loss standings for all 30 teams. It's pitch counts and "Play Ball!" It's stopping off at Disney World or the Grand Canyon on your way to see your favorite team. Pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training in less than a month, and it just feels good and reassuring to type those words.

Castellini the Great?

2006-01-23T19:44:00.000-05:00

Talk about making an entrance. I mean, walking in the place, stepping up the mic, *ahem* - clear your throat and go, "Suck my balls, Fuckers!" Just 72 hours after new Cincinnati Reds owner officially took over the team on Friday, he fired 2-year GM Dan O'Brien in a press conference today at Great American Ballpark at 5:00pm.

You may remember previous posts of mine (likely not, but maybe) about our owner Carl Lindner and Dan O'Brien - so my opinion has already been stated on what needed to happen. Now that it has, I gotta say I'm more ready for baseball than I've been since the 2000 season when I thought we'd actually repeat our lightning-in-a-bottle performance of 1999 (ok, it may have to do with the Bengals first round playoff exit as well).

"We're buying the Reds to win, anything else is unacceptable. We will not rest until we are putting a contender on the field, year in and year out" said Castellini alongside partners Thomas and Joe Williams.

Castellini is a lifelong Reds fan who became so disenchanted with the organization 2 years ago that he elected to not renew his luxury stadium box (rough life you know). "It's real evident that he's genuinely passionate and really cares about this team and this city," O'Brien said. "That can only mean good things for this franchise."

What does this mean for the Reds? Well, for starters, Castellini was spotted having dinner with exiled Reds Manager Lou Piniella shortly following last season. It was widely rumored that Castellini wanted Lou in the worst way to help assist this venture, and that sentiment was confirmed today when Castellini stated that Lou was going to take a year off from managing baseball to work the announcer's booth for Fox.

Second, Castellini removed O'Brien because he wanted a guy he'd chosen for the GM position. Manager Jerry Narron was brought in solely by O'Brien because of their ties in Texas, and with O'Brien out...just how long will Narron last? He did admirably with the team last season, but honestly - I or Teebee could've done better than Dave Miley following the massive collapse around the all-star break.

Free agent signings? Well, none, largely because their are none. The blueprint seems to be to put together 3 solid pitchers in some fashion, and Castellini knows he has the young position players to get what he wants. "We're out there looking every day. Most of these people are not available anymore. We'd have to do it through trades. Most of the teams want our good young position players. It's going to be difficult, but it's not for lack of trying."

So with a month until pitchers and catchers report, I gotta say it's been a fun 3 days so far of a new era in Cincinnati baseball.

Battlefield Double Dash

2006-01-22T18:03:00.000-05:00

While I'm forming my opinion on MVP 06 NCAA Baseball, figured I'd share a funny I found on another blog.

Someone took BF2 and lined up some armored vehicles and raced them Mario Kart style, and hilarity ensues. They used the original soundtrack as well, and when one vehicle falls into a hole with the Yoshi sound coming out I almost shit my pants. Ok, but I did laugh.

Site comes from here, a Battlefield stats server that features a ton of other videos as well. The videos require the Xvid plug-in into your media player (which can be found here), or if you're just lazy you can view the google link here.

WBC Provisional Rosters

2006-01-19T22:47:00.000-05:00

Yesterday evening, MLB.com announced that the provisional rosters for the upcoming World Baseball Championships has been set. Sixty players from each nationality was placed on a team of their corresponding countries, and as of March 3rd the roster will have to be narrowed down to a 30-man squad.

Quite a few contenders as well. Australia, Canada, China, the Dominican Republic, Italy, the Netherlands, Japan, Korea, Mexico, Panama, Puerto Rico, South Africa, Chinese Taipei, the United States and Venezuela will duke it out for worldwide supremecy on the first Friday in March as I'm sure I prolly listed last time I posted about the WBC). Some notable names are P Jung Bong/Korea, Ken Griffey Jr./USA, Yoni Lasso/Panama, Felipe Lopez & Javier Valentin/Puerto Rico, Frank Menechino/Italy, and Wily Mo Pena/Dominican Republic. Ok, so the Reds stand to effect the WBC very little, but here's the listing in .pdf form.

Rosters

For some reason should you not have Adobe Reader to view .pdf files then crawl out of your cave and pick it up here.

PSP Wallpaper, Vol. #1

2006-01-18T12:23:00.000-05:00

I've began customizing what little amount I could on my PSP with a 32mb stick, and naturally my first objective was to get a background to replace the base color options. Now, if you've learned anything in FM's 9 month history, you know damn well what's coming. Behold:

Now, directions. To download a wallpaper to your PSP, first click the thumbnailed image shown on this site to bring up the PSP-sized version (480 x 272), press the Triangle button to open the browser menu, and then select File -> Save Image. The image will now be saved in the Photo section of your PSP, which can now be viewed from the main menu.

I'll archive the images in a zip file to the right in our downloads section, and when the mood hits me right I'll create another version. I may have not reviewed Liberty City Stories or Fireteam Bravo yet, but by god I'm doing my part for the PSP community.

The Ultimate Showdown

2006-01-17T08:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Boz brought you an epic showdown. A battle of attrition between 119 football teams colliding for the right to be named college football's best on a website staging the imaginary winner-take-all championship.

Today, I bring you another epic showdown. A battle of attrition between 119 past super heroes, video game giants and cult heroes for the right to be named - uhh, something - on a website staging the imaginary winner-take-all final battle.

The force and volume of the typical Chuck Norris ejaculation has been observed to pierce the female uterus, kevlar body armor and Brawny paper towels

Ok so maybe there's not 119 people in the video, but by Xenu a bunch come up at the end and I just can't count that fast. Plus, in my own mind it equalled out into quality journal-err, blogger...ism (?). Anyway, Mario & Sonic are in it so it justifies video games, thus justifies its place on FM.

The Ultimate Showdown

Its Ultimate National Title Time

2006-01-16T12:46:00.000-05:00

Now that the season has ended for the Buckeyes and the Utes (victorious) and the Eagles (quickly) and the Bengals (quicker), its time for one of my favorite non-espn fictional stories of the year, the Ultimate National Title on collegefootballnews.com

This is basically a regionally based ranking of every Div-I college football team and a fictional mock tournament to finally set to rest all the arguments that NCAA football does not crown a "true champion". Last year, my fiesta bowl champion Utes lost in the championship to the USC Trojans.

This basically feeds the frenzy that is "we don't have a real champion in college football" hype that usually overshadows the national championship. I don't know how you argue that the Texas Longhorns aren't the champs, but how would they have held up to a 8-team NCAA football showdown for the ages.

It will be interesting to see how it all plays out but you can find out how the first round went by clicking on the following links for each region:
East West North South

Mortal Kombat: Armageddon

2006-01-13T14:01:00.000-05:00

I don't really make an attempt at being the first to report something related to ....well, whatever the limits are that we write about on here, so if you haven't seen it yet today then there's a four-page feature in issue #154 of Game Informer magazine.

Be sure to click the pics and attempt to read the magazine, pretty cool stuff. Well I take that back, I'm not naive and I know you won't do anything but look at the pictures - so here's your synopsis.

(it's fake, but that's Motaro on the left)

It says "all the characters from Mortal Kombat fighting history." Now I've been checking out a few forums as well, and it appears as if Motaro may be an exception.
You can now create a kombatant, well, probably "Kreate Kombatant" knowing Midway.
Air combos - not sure if that's juggling or what, bet it's cool though.
Fatality system reinvented.
You can now control where you throw a victim, which I assume helps contribute to special stage Fatalities.
Konquest Mode is apparently good (or at least big) enough to be it's own stand alone game, and it appears as if it's taking from MK: Shaolin Monks.
Appears as if it's coming out on current-gen systems (PS2 & Xbox) in October of 2006.

More news as it becomes available.

Tecmo Super Bowl

2006-01-12T08:57:00.000-05:00

I was surfing around Deadspin this morning and found the above Super Tecmo Bowl simulation of this weekend's playoff game between the Colts & Steelers. Being no stranger to entertaining people with fictitious, video game results (I always put OSU games on NCAA when I host the game), I must say that I found it impressive that Super Tecmo is still going strong with roster updates some 3 years after I last checked into it and discovered "Tecmo Super Bowl Heaven" (now dead).

Now if you're like me, seeing updates to the game you can probably contribute your gaming habit to in the first place makes you want to investigate. Over the years I've seen multiple online leagues pop up and go with the same lifespan as a current-year Madden leagues (short, for those not in the know), but their are a few that are stocked with a great community and are ran really well. The amazing thing to me is that they pass the same ROM around between the league that records all the stats right there. Somehow, and I'm not 100% on this process (and too lazy to look it up), you play a season game online so that all stats are recorded & you email them someone designated to enter them into the main ROM, and then every week as you progress in the schedule you can view the League Leaders & Standings as if it was your very own season.

Remember how you failed to defeat your first online football opponent 84-0 in either Madden, ESPN or NCAA? Ya, it was a whole new world online - no more easy mode. Well, everyone was a legend in their own minds on Tecmo, so suffice to say there's probably some serious skill involved in these leagues. To think, I once made it as far as week #12 or #13 without surrendering a single point with my vaunted Chief's defense with LB Derrick Thomas recording more sacks in a single game then most pass rushers record in their careers (shouldn't go without mentioning an unheralded Percy Snow either).

memories, eh?

Anyway, for those of you reading for the hell of it (all 10 of you) and those that find me via Technorati/MSN/Yahoo (since Google refuses to link us with anything) on Tecmo searches, here's an assload of Tecmo links to give you your fix.

Fan Sites - Console Classix, Leonardite.com, Simpleprop.com, Tecmo Super Bowl Heaven, Tecmo Super Bowl.com, TSB Buddy Icons & Wallpaper
Getting Started - Tecmo Player's Circuit
Message Boards - Gamefaqs, Knobbe.org
Online Leagues - Bermudian Tecmo League, OTFL, Puretecmo, SOIS Tecmo League, Tecmophile, Tecmo World,
ROM Hacking - Emuware.com

NBA 2k6 vs NBA Live 360 Review

2006-01-11T13:49:00.000-05:00

Having played both games now extensively (well, 2k I've only played one night but about 5 or 6 games including 2 online) I have to say the bar gameplay wise is about as close as it has ever been for Live vs 2k.

If anything they are morphing into each other, the pace of 2k6 is much much faster than the pace of Live 360, in fact, I'd be compelled to say that it is closer to Live's of past where you had to turn the speed down a little bit. Overall, they really do feel so close gameplay wise that its going to be the other things that push the respective game over the top. Other things like game features, graphics, rosters, online features.

Graphics: 2k just isn't even in the same class as Live. Live's characters/player models look so far beyond 2k's that it seems like 2k is on the PS2. I played a Bucks game and the Andrew Bogut in the 2k version has one color black hair and his skin is all one color as well with not much muscle definition. I popped back in my Live and played a Bucks game and Bogs has long hair that has frosted tips :), blended skin and beautiful, errr, eyes. Overall, the player models just look like the players in 80% of the cases. Here are some pics of Dwyane Wade in Live and Dwyan-O in 2k6. Maybe not the best comparison but its all I could find!

*Sidenote, Brian Scalabrine looks nothing like his fire-crotched self in either game, a favor I think worth noting on both games packaging*

I know, I know, my online buddy (damn that sounds gay but that's what our society comes down to, buddies online with no real names but surnames) Bucfan concurs that I do notice every single difference between the two games, albeit I'm somewhat more biased to harp on 2k's weirdness when their players flex after every basket. The replays after each play in 2k are awesome, very smooth, I remember one instance where Mike James had a sweet azz no looker on a 3 on 1 fast break to Jalen Rose and it looked amazing in the replay, just really really smooth.

The smoothness of animations in 2k are a bit better than Live but that is to be expected as 2k 's engine is a few years old and Live's is about 6 months old. I like how different animations would pop up here and there and some random hijinks would happen from time to time. I can see that over a course of a 82 game season you play you'll see some pretty cool stuff.

Control wise, I just can not enjoy 2k's controls. I feel like I have no control honestly. I'm using alt B so its more like Live's controls and it seems like the right stick is a useless contraption that I keep hitting and throwing up shots accidentally :). Only did that a few times honestly, but man , I miss the freestyle, just being able to use the stick to spin, cross, go behind your back so easily and naturally, I've said it before and i'll say it now, "the single most greatest control addition to any video game is Freestyle control by Live", added in 2003.

I'm slowly getting down the controls ,but 2k needs to admit their system blows and go with what Live has, unless Live has exclusive rights to the right stick. The way they have it is completely unnatural and just downright goofy.

Online, 2k has a lot of features, including one feature that Live doesn't: A challenge opponent button! How clever! Playing Live online is a nightmare because its impossible to challenge anyone you want to play, you just have to hit quick match and hope you get connected with whomever you want, which usually isn't' a problem as there is hardly anyone online when I've been online but just enough to piss you off when I can't connect to anyone you intend to online.

My 2 games with Bucfan included a game with the Jazz vs Magic and Rockets @ Celts, and I must say, I'm pretty damn good at this game to begin with, I dismantled Bucfan (sorry Buc :) ) with the Jazz and was hammering him with the Celtics when I froze on yao's ugly mug, so I did get a disconnect online that froze up the game for some reason, damn buggy 360.

One thing I noticed online, maybe we weren't playing at the right settings, but there is absolutely no defense and the AI help defense is non existent. If your guard gets in the lane, he's hammering it home, no center comes over to slam him or put him on his back. This my friends , is where Live kills 360, I'm sorry if you don't believe it, but the non controlled players in Live far exceed what I've seen so far in 2k.

Buc and I ran a few plays to try it out and the lane is just unprotected, a major problem when that is usually where you go to score points

My review is too long, but if you read just bits and parts of it, hey, enjoy, I'm enjoying both games, 2k is easily the more polished finished game at this point and deserves all the praise it gets, its a full game.

Live is a demo at this point, but what screams out to me is the fact that Live is becoming more like 2k, 2k is more like Live, soon, we're going to have 2 legitimate choices for NBA games. If you haven't tried Live out, rent it or trade some stuff in to get it when it gets cheaper.

If I had to give scores, I'd give NBA Live a 7.5 and NBA 2k6 a 7. Nothing extremely impressive about either game other than NBA Live's amazing graphics. If I had to make a prediction I would guess that most 2k people will be jumping ship next year when a full version of Live comes out with the ESPN presentation and all the bells and whistles, nothing will be able to touch it.

Lifestyles of "New" Mexico

2006-01-10T11:08:00.000-05:00

What a difference a week can make.

Merely days after declaring his eligibility for the NFL draft after being booted off the Virginia Tech football team for "cumulative effects of numerous legal problems and his unsportsmanlike conduct in the Gator Bowl," where he was caught on tape stomping on the calf of Louisville's All-American Elvis Dumervil -

- Marcus "New Mexico" Vick held 3 teenagers at gun point at a local McDonalds following an altercation. Vick would later surrender to authorities and was released shortly after on a $10,000 bond, however if convicted on all 3 counts Vick could be sentenced to up to 3 years in jail and a $7,500 fine.

We tried explaining to him that McDonald's didn't "supersize" value meals any longer as a result of the documentary, "Supersize Me", and that he would instead have to ask for two orders of fries to fulfill his hunger

said one of the teens in an imaginary state of bironm's mind.

Vick, you may remember, was also removed from the Virginia Tech football team in 2004 for contributing to the delinquincy of a minor by providing her with alchohol. The initial charge alleged Vick also had sexual intercourse with the 15-year old, but you know how secretive them Vick boys are when it comes to that (I wouldn't want my name getting out either, Señor México).

This could spell the end of the Vick brother who allegedly could pass, who comes off a successful 2005 season in which he was named the ACC's Top QB and finished runner-up to Wake Forest's RB Chris Barclay for ACC Offensive Player of the Year. Now it certainly seems that he may never earn the chance to prove his talents (uhh...the ones that don't involve dealing with teens).

You just know that somewhere, Maurice Clarett is saying, "damn, stay away from this Vick dude - he's trouble."

Wow, That Was Quick

2006-01-09T13:43:00.000-05:00

First thing, I'm not going to sit here and cry like Roethlisberger did following the last matchup about low hits. However, anyone who says Kimo von Oelhoffen was clearly blocked into Carson Palmer's left leg is full of shit. Was the hit intentional? Likely - I don't know about you, but I rarely wrap my arms around someone's leg to brace my fall. Did he mean to tear his ACL? Not at all. Oelhoffen played as a Bengal from '94-'99 and still maintains respect in the community, in no way did he intentionally mean to end his season and he even offered an apology after the game.

However, the Bengals/Steelers matchup took on a new face yesterday, as now the rivalry has definitely reached a boiling point that compares to the best of former Bengal/Browns rivalries in the past. Following the game that involved numerous displays of excessive trash talk, the Steelers chanted "We-dey" to mock the Bengals famed "Whu-dey", as in to say, "We dey put their ass out of the tournament", which apparently makes sense to the Steeler collective.

QB Jon Kitna again proved why Palmer was drafted. Kitna has always been a quarterback that wouldn't necessarily beat you, however the aspect that every Bengal fan knows is that when he tries to make plays - he fucks up. Always has, and when facing adversity in the second half he proved it again...he fucked up. After LS Brad St. Louis botched his first snap in 3 years (imagine that, during the only playoff game), the depleted Bengal team needed a savior - and unfortunately he was sitting in the MRI machine underneath the stadium.

Kitna scrambled every play unable to adjust to the increased Pittsburgh pressure, he couldn't hold onto snaps and even fumbled the ball running away from defenders. I mean, lacked serious poise in the pocket and even offered up 2 passes that my grandmother would've picked off. At any rate, it was the typical less-than-stellar play we came to expect pre-Carson - you know, back when every non-Bengal fan screamed at the franchise that Kitna was the answer because he filled in admirably for their fantasy team.

Point is, there's been 353 players to come and go in this organization since the last time the Bengals have made the playoffs, and none is more important than Carson Palmer. Let's hope to god recovery goes smooth and he's back in time to lead us into the playoffs again.

Stunned Silence in Cincy

2006-01-08T17:10:00.000-05:00

MVP NCAA Baseball, Damn, wish it was MLB

2006-01-06T00:08:00.000-05:00

For those of you excited about the new MVP NCAA game coming out, some really cool new videos are now on IGN. Mainly a quick game between Clemson and GT in the ACC, Mike Patrick and Kyle Peterson with the Play-by-Play (and yes, take Patrick away from Joe Theeeesman and he is possibly the best PBP voice in sports).

Honestly, the game looks a lot better than the MVP 2005 for PS2 I've been playing nonstop for the past year. The pitcher on the mound is exceptionally smooth, the overall look of the game just screams play me till you have cock burn (you know, the lack of skin you get on the shaft of your skin when you watch, errr, have to much sex, basically it literally takes days to scab and regenerate, just a pain. Anyways, I'm on a tangent here.

Another paragraph starting with Honestly (and some may not like it), but Honestly, I'm not going to buy a NCAA baseball game. I have no desire to spend any time getting addicted to yet another sport and with life already revolving around baseball, I have all that I need dealing with minor league ball and the Major League season less than 3 months away.

For the rest of ya, hey! Go nuts! Talk about your favorite moment or the most memorable ping!! I'm not gonna insult your intelligence and say NCAA Baseball isn't a sport and that it isn't real baseball but a video game played out on the field, its the same sport I played in High School (badly at that) and I continue to attempt to play in Central Park every Wednesday April-August.

It's just that if this game was a Major League Baseball game, it might just be the most spectacular game in the history of western civilization. It really does look that good graphically and this is from a guy that hasn't turned on a last gen system since December 5 when I got my Xbox 360.

So semper fi, celebrate a successful sac bunt laid down perfectly in the bottom first with a dogpile and generally just overreact to every 6-3 groundout, that's College baseball!

In other news, I just got back from a trip to the homeland, Mormon Mecca SLC and damn, did I have some adventures, from chatting up Andrei Kirilenko in the Jazz locker room, to sitting behind the bench at the amazing matchup of the Utes vs High Point panthers topped off by getting a haircut at possibly the best dog gam invention since double penetration, Bikini Cuts.

I walk in, Cassy my stylist with ridiculously false D-cups finishes up my haircut by saying "Ok follow me, its time for your happy end....(you think I'm that lucky), its time for your head/scalp massage".

While I'm getting that done (and it was effing amazing) good ole Jen the receptionist started in on my hand massage that came with the haircut. I swear to Xenu, I didn't think it was possible, but after a few minutes of the hand massage, my index finger ejaculated all over her chin.

If ever in the beehive state, do your best to get into bikini cuts, just a great spa-like experience. Here's some pics of Jen to keep the USC fans from cutting their Dangling Carrolls off:

ESPN's Rose Bowl Debacle

2006-01-05T09:28:00.000-05:00

Texas QB Vince Young needs to say, "Fuck ESPN"

What an unbelievable game. The defending BCS Champion USC Trojans were defeated 41-38 on a touchdown run by Texas QB Vince Young with just 0:19 remaining on the clock, in a game that featured 3 of the biggest marquee players to ever lace up a collegiate uniform.

I have a vendetta with ESPN stemming from this game that I've managed to keep bottled up for the last 2 weeks. I've cut my Sportscenter watching down from 7 times a day to about 1.5, and I'm even penalizing my own self by not watching Around the Horn & Pardon the Interruption every day after work (P.S. - "Home Improvement" is still funny on TBS). Why? Because of ESPN's continued fall from grace into becoming the armpit of sports journalism.

How many times did you flip to channel 32 (or whatever ESPN is to you) only to find a college football analyst struggling to enunciate multi-syllable words, and in the end failing miserably because of the giant USC donkey dick flopping around their mouth? The entire self-concocted "05 Trojans vs. ESPN's Top Ten" was a farce - complete and utter bullshit. When they ranked '02 Ohio State as #9 as greatest of all-time and I watched Kirk Herbstreit and Mark May both speak of how they thought USC wins, I called bullshit right then and there and immediately discredited every remaining ounce of hype generated by the ESPN propaganda machine.

First of all, last year's USC would smoke this year's USC. Now, because I'm an OSU homer (I still tell it like it is though) I have to defend my champions and question...does anyone realize that '02 Miami is essentially '05 USC with a defense? I really don't think '05 USC defeats '02 Miami for that matter, much less the '01 version that ESPN rated (I think*) #3 and had a split analyst opinion on who'd win. However the ridiculousness of the remaining 8 teams didn't get any better, but in the interest of not writing forever I'm going to leave it at that.

Now I was a bit urinated off at the way I felt Vince Young represented himself in New York at the Heisman presentation, as I felt he appeared a sore loser. Being invited is an honor in itself, however because of Reggie Bush's ESPN-led Heisman campaign Vince had to know going in that he had no prayer. Well, last night Vince showed he was the best player in college football (something Buckeye fans could've told you a few months ago) by rushing for 200 yards and throwing for 267 more, essentially taking his Longhorns on his back and carrying them to their first national championship since 1970.

Now - did anyone catch Sportscenter afterwards? How Vince went from Heisman candidate playing alongside 2 former Heisman winners before the game to one of the greatest college players of all time? Are you serious? My god how the tides have turned. No longer are there outstanding games by outstanding players, now it seems that any feat deemed worthy of national attention automatically places said entity into elite status. Someone along the way must've decided that no one will watch sports without the ongoing assumption that you're watching history that will be talked about well into the 22nd century.

So where do we go from here? I dunno. If Tom Brady breaks Bart Starr's consecutive playoff win streak this Saturday I'm sure ESPN will be quick to jump in front of the proverbial money shot, and after Brady makes the "we don't get any respect" comment that is sure to follow, we'll again hear all week about how we're watching one of the greatest teams of all time. Such is life.

Doom 3: Project Mars City

2006-01-04T15:06:00.000-05:00

I currently have 7 games I'm attempting to work my way through at the moment with GTA 3, GTA: Vice City, Metal Gear Solid 3 & Tiger Woods 06 for the PS2, Doom 3 for the Xbox and Socom: Fire Team Bravo and GTA: Liberty Cities for the PSP. Unfortunately, a pregnant wife and coaching high school baseball doesn't help that, and at the same time I'm trying to work on some MVP rosters before the 06 edition comes out to give me 2 different baseball games to cycle through.

So, if you never see a completed game mentioned on here again, you now know why.

At any rate, was checking a few sites for Doom 3 shit and came across an old case modification project I used to follow over on [H]ardforum.com. What began as:

..ended up as a complete monster that'd almost guarantee a fortune if sold. At completion (which hasn't been fully reported as of yet), the case has swinging doors reminiscent of Doom 3's airlock chambers complete with red light illumination, has a hidden external cd tray and even features the Doom pentagram seen multiple times throughout the game. Next pic is about 3/4's of the way completed, pic after that is as of the last update (12-2-05).

At any rate, check the thread out and prepare to be amazed. At first I was like, "oh this would be sweet", then I remembered that whole lack of time to even play the games as it is - and that this looks like some insane-ass hours.

Fiesta Bowl Thoughts

2006-01-03T11:42:00.000-05:00

First off, am I the only person that didn't dream about banging Laura Quinn last night? A '7' at best. Would I? Yes. Did I visit every football forum last night talking about what I'd do to her from the back? No.

Second (and these somewhat coincide), Brent Musberger is horrible. Holy Jumping Fucking Jesus he's bad. I shit you not, about 14 of us were together at a friend's house in Dayton talking about the ups and downs of Troy Smith. Against Michigan he was great, however many times during the season he's been the source of numerous upset stomachs. Then, low and behold, Troy goes on a roll and Brent says, "...and you're looking at one of the best quarterbacks in college football."

Explosive laughter. I mean seriously - wow. He strings together 2 victories and we suddenly have a Heisman candidate, which Musberger also eluded to near the end of the game...which was subsequently met with more laughter from the room we all watched in. Don't get me wrong - I love Troy as a QB and wanted him in more than Zwick from the start, but I'm also not as foolish to assume this guy is Vince Young in the making. I really enjoyed the season D.J. Shockley put together at Georgia this year as a passer, and I'd love for Troy to mimic that (minus the injury & bowl loss) next year - but I don't think he's that good. I dunno, call me a pessimist. On top of this, how many times did he opt to get a statement from Laura Quinn? And did you catch at the end when Quinn switched from "girlfriend" to "future bride"? Did you catch how Hawk "sacked his future brother-in-law?" Seriously, fucking horrible.

Basically, you came away from the Fiesta Bowl knowing about Hawk dating Quinn, Smith being an early 2006 Heisman candidate and Tom Zbikowski being a Golden Gloves boxer. Hey, least it's not Craig Krenzel being a Molecular Genetics major.

So aside of my own personal vendettas, the Buckeyes won their 4th straight bowl game under Jim Tressel and 3rd Fiesta Bowl, dropping Notre Dame in bitchsmack fashion 34-20. By my estimates, I feel we should've had another 13 points on account of dumbfucked turnovers, but you take what you can get - a win's a win. Now onto the "Thoughts" part of the blog entry.

If Troy Smith doesn't get suspended I think this was a different year. I don't think Texas would've beat us had he played against Miami, however I offer no excuse for Penn State - we flat out were owned by an awesome defense.
Antonio Pittman runs like an Ohio State back has always ran, however until recently we haven't utilized that at all. He's a physical runner with good speed, but we've primarily asked him to run from the shotgun most of the season. Put Dionte Johnson in front of him in a strong set and let him rip. I honestly feel we've done well with balancing those formations at the end of the season.
'Bout time we heard from Ginn. I'm on the side of the dispute that OSU has failed to utilize him, however I'm not naive enough to see he can't run a route for shit. His touchdown pass last night was a bad route as well - the DB was just blown away. And P.S., whatever Notre Dame fan tells you he fell down - punch him in the vagina. Ginn was 2 steps behind him when he glanced the QB, and then commenced to add that charcoaled look to the back of his jersey.
Santonio Holmes sure has a knack of getting ridiculous celebration penalties. Ok, so that's only 2, but it's 2 straight games and my memory is as long as Teebee's peter.
Hamby still blows. Seriously, he's a fine football player but people built him up to be Ben Hartsock and he's not. Texas wasn't his fault, he wasn't good far prior to that game as well.
Doug Datish chasing down Ginn from behind was hilarious - seriously, you couldn't tell him he wasn't a WR during the 2 times he gave chase. He did make it to the end zone first on the reverse, but the TD catch was funny.
Youboty came to play tonight after taking much of the season off, although he still didn't grade out too well. 'B', 'B+' tops. His Merton Hanks-like neck will earn him a special place in my mind though.

Last thing, Charlie Weis' rings comment. According to the Columbus Dispatch, when asked which was more impressive, Weis’ four Super Bowl rings or Jim Tressel’s five national championship rings, the Irish coach raised his hand, motioned to the Super Bowl ring on his finger and said, "This one is bigger than all five of his put together."

My thoughts. First, I don't take that as a joke. I don't honestly see how that statement could be taken in humor or good fun - unless it has something to do with how gaudy NFL rings are in the first place. To me he's showing a lack of respect for his now-colleagues by making the absurd claim that winning a Super Bowl ring as an assistant coach is worth more than winning 5 national championships as a head coach. If he's riding those Super Bowl rings as his meal ticket and is never going to recognize a collegiate national title as equivalent to those, then WHAT IN THE FLYING FUCK ARE YOU DOING? I honestly have no idea why you'd step down from your football high horse, sign a lucrative coaching extension to ensure your tenure long term, and then publicly belittle the highest possible honor one can achieve at that level.

I seriously do hope that comment was a joke and will accompany a politically correct apology sometime today. If not, fuck off you arrogant fatass.

(If logic doesn't make my point, I usually resolve myself to name-calling and attacking character flaws)

"Holy" Shit

2006-01-02T22:39:00.000-05:00

You just knew Notre Dame was screwed.

Beginner's PSP Guide

2005-12-29T10:21:00.000-05:00

One of the benefits of being a moderator of a video game website with over 100k users is the fact that I have a gigantic userbase to poll when I have questions. Upon receiving my PSP Sunday and screwing around with it for a few days, I messaged the forum game guru WolverinesManiac for some starter's advice - and I thought I'd share that as well as provide some websites to point you in the general direction of PSP competence. The tips:

Never let the battery die out all the way. The rechargable battery that is packaged with your PSP unit has something like 500 charges, so keep it plugged in overnight as to prevent it from requiring recharges.
Sleep Mode > Off. "The only time my PSP ever goes off/restarted is when I download a new firmware update. Sleep-mode is better for the PSP, it takes very little battery life, even if you pause in the middle of a game in sleep mode it won't take up much battery life." I read an article at IGN that basically echoed these sentiments as well, if interested you can read the full extent of their findings here.
Power Saving Settings & the WLAN switch = Off. You will want to keep the WLAN switch in the down position unless you're playing an ad-hoc game, downloading an update or on the web. It eats the battery rather quickly so make sure its down when its not in use. Power saving settings, go to settings and turn them all off. Unneeded and if anything they slow down your system.
DO make a parental password: you'll want to make one because when UMD's are left in the PSP they'll start up right away and that can be annoying. Of course keeping the PSP in sleep mode avoids all of this; but in the off chance that you have to power down the PSP its better to have a passcode so you have an option whether you want to start the UMD or go to the main menu.
The PSP can only support Pro Duo or Duo stick formats. The regular memory sticks won't fit into the system.
Be careful of what screen protector you buy. Some DO NOT use static cling but rather a glue, which usually comes in a PSP Bundle. When removing these protectors, glue residue is left behind and can damage your screen. There was a letter from Sony sent to all Gamestops about this. "I say go with the HORI screen protector."

The Links
Main Sites: Gamespot, IGN, Playstation.com
Software: PSP Video 9, 3gP_Converter
Downloads: PSP Magazines, PSP Trailers, PSPunch, Sony Connect
General: PSP 411, PSP Crazy, PSP Hacks, PSPimp, PSP Nation, PSP Rumors, PSP Vault, PSP World
Mobile Sites (for PSP Web Browser): BBC, Bloglines, Cnet, Digg, ESPN Mobile, Flickr, Games & Apps, Google, iLounge, Macrumors, MSN Messenger Mobile, One-Stop Shop, Sony's own site, Virtual Keyboard, Yahoo Mobile

Another DaONE Title

2005-12-28T22:14:00.000-05:00

*League found at http://www.leaguedaddy.com/leagues/?lid=253*

Coach Bironm, shown here in his Ohio State visor and "Bad Motherf*cker" logo on his left chest, vows to hit the links hard this offseason after his 3rd DaONE title

Third Time's a Charm
Now 3-time champ glad, Cavaliers sad

"I've had games this year that have left me feeling unstoppable, games that have left me feeling like I didn't belong on the same online connection with my opponents, and games that have flat out driven me to a point of near-insanity," Coach Bironm said in a hoarse voice after the game. "But never did I experience all of those feelings in a game of '06 until now."

Chalk up another DaONE season following a championship game that wouldn't have disappointed a sold out online crowd, as The Ohio State University defeated the University of Virginia 20-17 in a game that came down to the last second - or last tackle.

The game began a defensive struggle, as Bironm & Liquidrob went headset-less for the first time in the '06 campaign, and subsequently educated our television sets to some new, interesting combinations of popular swear words. Neither team could move the ball effectively, with Virginia's vaunted passing attack sputtering against the tough Buckeye defense, and Ohio State's marquee rushing attack stumbled against the Cavaliers as well. However, near the beginning of the second quarter, Ohio State LB A.J. Hawk drilled HB Michael Johnson in the flats that forced him to cough the ball up, and Buckeye DE Jay Richardson recovered to give Ohio State a shortened field in Cavalier territory.

After a quick first down the Bucks were forced to attempt a 46 yard field goal, and for the first time all year K Josh Huston misaligned his sites and veered just wide left to leave the game knotted at 0-0. Hagans would waste no time, and whether on the ground or through the air he took what was given to him by the stingy defense in route to a 7-yard touchdown pass to FB Chris Snelling to put Virginia on top 7-0. After an entire half of offensive futility, the Buckeyes finally managed to the move ball following a courageous pass from the pocket by QB Troy Smith to WR Santonio Holmes for 29 yards, and then immediately following with a 32-yard play-action pass to WR Ted Ginn put the Buckeyes in the red zone after he was somehow caught from behind. With just 0:52 remaining in the half on 3rd down, Smith rolled to his right to avoid the massive Cavalier linebacker rush and found WR Roy Hall with a step on his man in the end zone for a 14-yard connection to send the game into the half tied at 7-7.

The third quarter turned out to be similar to the entire first half, as both defenses dictated the flow the game. Virginia LB Ahmad Brooks made a leaping grab in Buckeye territory as Smith dared him over the middle that led to a 23 yard field goal by K Connor Hughes, but the Buckeyes would answer as they did in the second quarter with a 30 yard field goal of their own.

Tied 10-10 in the fourth quarter, Ohio State struck gold as Smith play-actioned on 2nd and 4 to hit Ginn who made an remarkable reception under DB Patrick Duffy that set him free to go 74 yards down the field to give the Buckeyes a 17-10 lead. As Virginia drove back up the field, Hagans went to the bank one too many times as LB Bobby Carpenter stepped back and intercepted a route at the Cavalier 28 yard line that worked 3 times before on the standout linebacker. However, after a 7-yard return, Carpenter showed why he's a linebacker versus say, a fullback, as he fumbled the ball back to the Cavalier offense giving them a first down after holding them the previous 2 plays. With renewed life, Hagans moved to another first down on two plays, and then went downfield to WR Ron Morton 63 yards into Buckeye territory. On the next play, Hagans recognized a zone defense and went to standout WR Deyon Williams for a 27 yard touchdown to tie the game up at 17-17 with 2:27 remaining.

With an inconsistent offense all day, Ohio State mixed up rushing and passing out of the shotgun to buy Smith more time against the magnificent front 7 of Virginia, and after a key 3rd down conversion to WR Anthony Gonzalez 26 yards downfield, the Buckeyes managed to run into the line 3 times to use up Virginia's timeouts and kick the 40 yard field goal to give them the lead 20-17.

After a quick first down completion to TE Johnathan Stupar following the kickoff return and 0:13 remaining on the clock, Virginia QB Marques Hagans sent his receivers deep from his own 29 yard line down 3 points, but the Buckeye defense absorbed their assignments forcing Hagans to run. With no one in site, Hagans raced untouched 32 yards to the Ohio State 39 yard line with :01 remaining...but he failed to get out of bounds - gunshot, game.

"The announcers f'n said I was out of bounds!" screamed Coach Liquidrob according to Bironm's estimates of how hard he was hitting his keyboard to type that to him. "That's f'd up! No f'n way!"

"The tackle made by SS Donte Whitner left Hagans lying in bounds pointed towards the middle of the field," Coach Bironm stated. "However if he stepped out briefly before the tackle was made I missed it, but I certainly never ruled that possibility out."

Another epic game, between Season #2 and Season #5 I don't know which one I'd give the best game to but it was incredible (referring to the swat as time expired vs Davon in NCAA 2004). Great playcalling on offense and defense, two outstanding manual football players batting down long passes and using intelligence instead of gimmicks to move the ball - you really couldn't ask for a better game. #1 played #2 despite the scheduling turmoil that marred the left side of the tournament bracket, and an incredible game took place to decide what may be the last DaONE champion. Great game Rob, and as always, gotta give love to my man MadSci for hosting and running another successful season of NCAA Football.

When asked if he was going to Disney World after the championship, Bironm replied, "sure, hell they got golf courses there too."

Box Score & Summary
UVA - 00-07-03-07 - 17
OSU - 00-07-03-10 - 20

1st Quarter
no scoring

2nd Quarter
UVA 7 yard pass from Hagans to Snelling (Hughes kick) - 2:43
Bucks 14 yard pass from Smith to Hall (Huston kick) - 0:45

3rd Quarter
UVA 23 yard field goal by Hughes - 4:08
Bucks 30 yard field goal by Huston - 0:50

4th Quarter
Bucks 74 yard pass from Smith to Ginn (Huston kick) - 5:19
UVA 27 yard pass from Hagans to Williams (Hughes kick) - 2:27
Bucks 40 yard field goal by Huston - 0:21

Christmas Loot

2005-12-27T23:38:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone had a good Christmas, and hope Mormons had a good whatever-it-is they have as well.

For xmas I hauled in a PSP, Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories & SOCOM: U.S. Navy SEALs Fireteam Bravo - and for the PS2 I finally scored a copy of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06. Only fitting I finish up another successful football season over at DaONE and I'm off to the links to endure the character building process again (sigh). To a guy like myself, video golf serves as a relaxing alternative to high-paced competitive gaming, but to others a "Country Club" is a sandwich they order with a pickle & chips at Ma & Pa's truckstop along the interstate. At any rate, expect the same shitty quality reviews that only I can provide at any moment in the near future.

I will say that GTA is unbelievable - it'll change your perception of handheld gaming.

Just wanted to brag about getting my PSP and discuss the haul. Without further ado, here's a giant photo of Bali Rodriguez to add substance to my post.

Twas the Night Before Christmas...

2005-12-24T08:11:00.000-05:00

'Twas the night before Christmas, Old Santa was pissed,
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa", what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night,
the elves want more money, the reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better,
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter.

They say I owe taxes, if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days, they all are the pits
They want the impossible, those mean little shits.

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's, no request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season!

Happy Festivus everyone!

2005-12-23T01:26:00.000-05:00

In case you didn't realize it, December 23 is Festivus. To get you going, here are some basic rules:

Main elements of Festivus

The Festivus celebration includes four major components:

The Festivus Pole: The Costanzas' tradition begins with a bare aluminum pole, which Frank praises for its "very high strength-to-weight ratio." During Festivus, an unadorned aluminum pole is displayed. The pole was chosen apparently in opposition to the commercialization of highly decorated Christmas trees, because it is "very low-maintenance," and also because the holiday's patron, Frank Costanza, "find[s] tinsel distracting."

Festivus Dinner: The Festivus dinner menu is flexible, but it should consist of filling, non-holiday comfort food (no turkey, duck, goose, or ham). The televised dinner featured what may have been meatloaf or spaghetti in a red sauce. (Presumably, an entree in a red sauce is more festive.) Kruger took a flask out from his jacket and took a swig; so one might interpret that drinking is optional.

The Airing of Grievances: At the Festivus dinner, each participant tells friends and family of all the instances where they disappointed him or her that year.

The Feats of Strength: The head of the family tests his or her strength against one participant of the head's choosing. Festivus is not considered over until the head of the family has been pinned to the ground. A participant is allowed to decline to attempt to pin the head of the family only if they have something better to do instead.

Just got back from King Kong and I must say it was the single greatest cinematic movie ever created, Peter Jackson is a genius and Naomi Watts is hotter than Chuck on cold medicine.

Don't belive me? Hot damn, check her out, make sure the wife isn't looking though.

Scientific Santa B.S.

2005-12-23T00:17:00.000-05:00

I actually posted this last December on my first attempt at running a blog (Pwned IRL), which was an experimental project where I used to post without any particular direction and without the aid of other people (a lot like now - well, exactly like now). But the basis of the post was about back in 1990-and-3 (when I road the bus uphill both ways to school), my chemistry teacher passed out a Xerox copy of "A Scientific Inquiry into the Existence of Santa Claus" the week of Christmas.

Oh, if you're under the age of (I'm guessing) 6 & may still believe in Santa Claus, I advise you to not read anymore as I'm essentially telling you now that there is no Santa Claus. Oops...

Anyway, the copy was a small and undistributed at the time, before the likes of internet porn, downloadable music albums and uninteresting people posting blogs at the whirl of a hat. (@#$!) A fun read really, and in the event that you live in a box, basically it's a scientific analysis of Santa's journey around the world on Christmas Eve disproving his existence all together - which has unfortunately made it's way onto EVERY joke website on the 'net.

Now this chaps my ass for a variety of reasons. The main jist of it is that I wanted to post this old list as sort of a holiday flavored FM offering - but I can't, because everyone and their brother has. So - since I can't post it on the basis of being unoriginal, I'm going to dispute the entire thing and rag on any subsequent website aiming to attract users by endorsing such theory. However, for this post to make any sense, Google the title above for yourself and pay quick tribute to whichever site is receiving hits for this once well-thought out piece.

Read it? Now, two words: "atheist bastards".

The theory about the death of Santa Claus, based on unclassified physics, is severely flawed owing to its neglect of quantum phenomena that become significant in his (Santa's) particular case. At the North Pole, the terminal velocity of a reindeer in dry December air over the Northern Hemisphere (for example) is known with tremendous precision - building toys not only has become fundamental to the advanced-minded elves, but has enabled additional time to focus on other trades - such as quantum physics. Due to Elf and Christmas Registry regulations, the mass of Santa and his sleigh is also known with tremendous precision (since the number of children and their gifts is also known precisely, and the reindeer must weigh-in minutes before the flight). Also, his direction of flight is essentially east to west (for those questioning current variables).

When examined together, said conditions basically means that the momentum vector of Santa and his cargo is known with incredible precision. An elementary application of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle ("the more precisely the position is determined, the less precisely the momentum is known in this instant, and vice versa") yields the result that Santa's location, at any given moment on Christmas Eve, is highly imprecise. In other words, he is "smeared out" over the surface of the earth, analogous to the manner in which an electron is "smeared out" within a certain distance from the nucleus in an atom. Thus he can, quite literally, be everywhere at any given moment.

In addition, the relativistic velocities which his reindeer can attain for brief moments make it possible for him, in certain cases, to arrive at some locations shortly before he left the North Pole. Santa, in other words, assumes for brief periods the characteristics of tachyons. I will admit that tachyons remain hypothetical, but then so do black holes, Mel Kiper's draft reports and the female orgasm - and who really doubts their existence anymore?

Basically what I'm trying to say people - if you believe that scientists, even in a joking manner, can offer you a completely unfounded and unproven mathematical and physical analysis telling you that there is not a Santa Claus - then I'm guessing you're probably the same toolkit I see on the news every time a tornado hits a trailer park. You probably half-finished a bomb shelter in your back yard in the months leading up to the rumor of errant nukes during the Y2K crisis, and you probably read this post with the same awe as witnessing a monkey shitting a grandfather clock.

Socom 3 Patch

2005-12-22T14:48:00.000-05:00

Zipper finally put out a patch for Socom 3 that addresses many of the problems players have experienced since launch. As always, if you weren't aware - you can visit the official Socom 3 blog at http://socomblog.typepad.com/socom/ for further details.

The SOCOM 3 1.2 update addresses many issues including the following:

Resolved a hardware compatibility issue that was causing disconnects.
Resolved an issue with "slow" DHCP servers that prevented some players from obtaining an IP Address before timing out.
Resolved several issues where the player would be stuck with default weapons and equipment in game instead of the weapons and equipment they selected.
Resolved the Clan Challenge issue where the wrong team would receive a forfeit when the other team does not show for the match.
Updated libraries to resolve some of the voice chat issues. Some voice chat issues still remain and will be addressed in a future update.
Resolved several stability issues with ranked and clan games.
You now get credit for kills when you blow up a vehicle and the explosion kills other players.
Resolved an issues with ladder ownership that was causing ladders to not be climbable.
Resolved an issue where a late joining player would be seen as alive by some players.
Resolved an issue where the round timer was incorrect in extraction games.
Resolved an issue where the M1025 would be damaged by its own turrets.
Resolved an issue where the secondary DNS server would not be used when accessing the SOCOM Community pages.
Resolved an issue where players were able to walk in mid-air.
Resolved an issue where players were able to run and shoot while equipped with the RPG or LAW (though the RPG/LAW does not appear to be equipped to other players).
Resolved an issue where players were able to fire their primary weapon while the RPG/LAW was equipped.
Resolved an issue where players are able to create a 1 round ranked game.

Many issues addressed, however the 1 that stood out to me the most was that you'd finally receive kills for blowing up vehicles. That was always a job like for example: as a SEAL on a Convoy map that you couldn't get anyone to do because there was no glory in it, however it was necessary to win the match - someone had to carry RPG's and plant mines.

Also, reader Cajunirl should be estatic to see that many microphone problems have been addressed. If he can dodge hurricanes for the next few months he may be able to get in some quality Socom time.

MVP '06 Release Date

2005-12-21T01:02:00.000-05:00

Whaddya do when someone buys up the gaming rights to Major League Baseball and you have the best product on the virtual field? You go the next available outlet and ship the game first, and then sell it for cheaper.

On January 17th, MVP 06 NCAA Baseball will ship with a price of $29.99 for the Xbox and PS2. To me (and many others), MVP Baseball was the stand alone best baseball game on the market in 2005, an after watching a hands-on preview at Gamespot I have no reason to believe that 06 will leave me hanging without an enjoyable experience in 2006.

A few changes in the gameplay this year is a hitting system and the ability to throw the ball all with the right analog stick, but for those wanting to play with the system used in previous MVP installments EA has included the ability to retrofit your tastes. The new "load-and-fire" batting system involves pulling the stick back on the pitch and going forward based on the location of the ball, and by holding the trigger buttons you dictate whether or not you're swinging for power or contact. I'm excited to see the new system implemented, but in the event I don't like it I'm glad I have the option to switch with what made it a great game to begin with.

EA Sports has published the website for the new game, check it out at http://www.easports.com/mvp06/index.jsp and be sure to stay tuned in on the forums for related news as the game approaches release. I plan to exhaust every contact I have to receive the game early, but in the event I don't I'll have it on the 18th and will be sure to post impressions in case you're on the fence about it (like Teebee).

Also worth a read, Maddenmania user Poo-Diddy made a trip up to EA Canada in Burnaby B.C. and wrote an outstanding detailed review of his early experience with the title. You can find his review here.

FSU Babes, Rnd #2

2005-12-20T02:01:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't done my part in continuing Boz's traditional trail of t'na, but I found some more pics of our now-favorite coeds. Judging by the searches that have been hitting this site as of late - you won't be disappointed with their second showing on FM. Merry Chr - err, Happy Holidays.

Halo Zero (PC)

2005-12-19T19:21:00.000-05:00

For what I'm guessing is a limited time, Halo Zero is available for download thanks to the French - uhh, developer Dobermann. Halo Zero is a fan-made 2D side-scrolling adventure featuring characters such as Le MC, as well as elites, grunts, and jackals that is set on the same planet as the official Halo novel "The Fall of Reach".

It's pretty cool, you can run, jump & duck while blasting away with typical Halo weaponry complete with limited ammunition, forcing you to pick up various guns along the way. Pretty cool download - worth a little bit of your time.

System Requirements
*1.0 GHz Processor
*22 MB free disk space
*256 MB RAM
*Mouse & Keyboard

You can find the download on the official website, I think it has like 3 mirrors there as well. Oh...did I mention the entire thing is in French? Tech support for the Multiplayer feature may be a bitch if you can't get it to run, but even still - pretty fun little game.

Completed!

2005-12-18T22:41:00.000-05:00

Lessee - I bought GTA: San Andreas on October 30th, 2004. I finished the story missions on November 30th, 2005 and then completed 100% of the game on December 14th. Now while it doesn't normally take me over a year to finish games, I would play this at random intervals - virtually always serving as an outlet from boredom or frustration from other games.

I was always touchy about people discussing the story line as I wanted to be surprised as I ran thru it, so even when I encountered such sites as:

which tells the summaries of every GTA game made to date, I refused to read it on account of my willingness to one day complete all of them myself. I have GTA: 3 and Vice City waiting in the wings to be played thru next, so I guess at this rate expect another post by me about one of them in about a year from today.

But wow, what an experience. My last few weeks of playing has been especially involving, as I've even went as far as rewatching Boyz 'N Tha Hood on an old VHS tape I had in high school and I even sat thru Menace II Society on Showtime a week ago. At a wedding I was in a few weekends ago my friends looked at me with the same awe as say...a monkey shitting a grandfather clock when I pulled up with "Nuthin But a 'G' Thang" blasting out the windows of my Volvo - so who says video games don't influence you again?

I felt this post was necessary to boast my accomplishment, and while no one may care other than myself about the stats I racked up - I'm posting 'em anyway. Behold...

Hoo-Rider: 13582

Player
Times Drowned: 0
# of Hosipital Visits: 38
Current # of Girlfriends: 6
# of Girls Dated: 6
# of Successful Dates: 89
# of Disastrous Dates: 3
# of Times Scored w/ a Girl: 61
# of Prostitutues Visited: 47
# of Meals Eaten: 124
Luck: 1000
Pilot Ranking: Captain

Money
Weapon: $117200
Fashion: $16067
Property: $1039000
Auto Repair & Painting: $5700
Tattoo: $2840
Hairdressing: $4600
Prostitute: $592
Strip Club: $60
Car Modification: $30050
Food: $1103
Total Shopping: $169460
Money Spent Gambling: $26693
Money Won Gambling: $24520
Money Lost Gambling: $2173
Biggest Gambling Win: $5000
Biggest Gambling Loss: $400

Weapons (all on Hitman skill level)
Bullets Fired: 52932
KGS of Explosives Used: 412
Bullets that Hit: 33875

Crimes
# of Police Bribes: 9
Total # of Wanted Stars Attained: 1258
Total # of Wanted Stars Evaded: 733
Times Busted: 10
Criminals Wasted: 208
Gang Members Wasted: 2207
People Wasted by Others: 1057
People You've Wasted: 6150
Road Vehicles Destroyed: 1196
Boats Destroyed: 9
Planes & Helicopters Destroyed: 230
Cost of Property Damaged: $6137913
Tires Popped by Gunfire: 332
Number of Headshots: 1088
Fires Started: 1470
Total Legitimate Kills: 4057

Achievements
All Girlfriends 100%
Distance Travelled on Foot: 1134404 ft.
Distance Travelled by Swimming: 56187 ft.
Distance Travelled by Car: 6641632 ft.
Distance Travelled by Bicycle: 359870 ft.
Distance Travelled by Motorbike: 3387854 ft.
Distance Travelled by Boat: 228493 ft.
Distance Travelled by Helicopter: 497093 ft.
Distance Travelled by Plane: 858889 ft.
Distance Travelled on Treadmill: 9466 ft.
Flight Time: 2:23
Time on Jetpack: 0:50
Longest Treadmill Time: 2:04
Distance Travelled on Exercise Bike: 200313 ft.
Longest Exercise Bike Time: 25:45
Best Insane Stunt Awarded: Double Insane Stunt
Unique Jumps Found: 16/70
Unique Jumps Done: 8/70
Longest Wheelie Distance: 1687.67 ft.
Longest Wheelie Time: 0:42
Longest Stoppie Distance: 244.22 ft.
Longest Stoppie Time: 0:13
Longest 2 Wheels Distance: 86.15 ft.
Longest 2 Wheels Time: 0:04
Maximum Insane Jump Distance: 6250.00 ft.
Maximum Insane Jump Height: 28
Maximum Insane Jump Flips: 2º
Maximum Insane Jump Rotation: 1022º
Last Chase Time w/ 5 Stars: 1:13
Longest Chase Time w/ 5 Stars: 1:55
Last Dance Score: 10200
Furthest Hoop: 162.22 ft.
Heaviest Weight on Bench Press: 320 lbs
Heaviest Weight on Dumbbells: 110 lbs
Tags Sprayed: 100/100
Snapshots Taken: 50/50
Oysters Collected: 50/50
Horseshoes Collected: 50/50

Mission
Mission Attempts: 351
Missions Passed: 145
Highest Vigilante Mission Level: 12
Criminals Killed on Vigilante Mission: 214
Highest Firefighter Mission Level: 12
Total Fires Extinguished: 88
Highest Paramedic Mission Level: 12
People Saved in Ambulance: 78
Cash Made in a Taxi: $9690
Passengers Dropped Off: 50
# of Truck Missions Passed: 8
$ Made in Truck: $30550
Pimping Level: 10
# of Girls Pimped: 10
$ Made from Pimping: $9600
# of Vehicles Exported: $30/30
Time Taken to Complete Quarry: 23:44
Packages Delivered: 67
Photographs Taken: 91
Best Position in 8-Track: 1
Best Time in 8-Track: 5:33
Best Lap in 8-Track: 0:24
Best Position in Dirt Track: 1
Best Time in Dirt Track: 5:54
Best Lap Time in Dirt Track: 0:54
BMX Best Time: 2:35
NRG-500 Best Time: 1:33
Shooting Range Levels Passed: 12/12
Most Cars Parked in 'Valet Parking': 25/25
Total Time in Bloodring: 1:00
Kickstart Best Score: 27
Highest Basketball Score: 45
Best Time in Lowrider Race: 1:26
Best Time in Little Loop: 0:50
Best Time in Backroad Wanderer: 1:50
Best Time in City Circuit: 1:43
Best Time in Vinewood: 2:44
Best Time in Freeway: 2:20
Best Time in Into the Country: 3:27
Best Time in Badlands A: 3:36
Best Time in Badlands B: 3:31
Best Time in Dirtbike Danger: 2:01
Best Time in Bandito County: 2:38
Best Time in Go-Go-Kart: 2:28
Best Time in San Fierro Fastland: 1:45
Best Time in San Fierro Hills: 5:07
Best Time in Country Endurance: 5:23
Best Time in SF to LV: 3:11
Best Time in Dam Rider: 2:09
Best Time in Desert Tricks: 2:22
Best Time in LV Ringroad: 2:16
Best Time in World War Aces: 2:46
Best Time in Barnstorming: 6:18
Best Time in Military Service: 7:03
Best Time in Chopper Checkpoint: 4:01
Best Time in Whirly Bird Waypoint: 3:57
Best Time in Heli Heli: 6:40

Misc
Progress Made: 100.00%
Playing Time: 113:07
Days Passed in Game: 399
Safehouse Visits: 374
Vehicle Resprays: 213
Times Visited the Gym: 38

..and I also need to mention, not 1 cheat was used to beat the game. That's not saying I didn't enter cheat codes and use them to cause mayhem on another save on the memory card, but this run-thru was done cheat-free.

Onto the Finals!

2005-12-17T21:35:00.000-05:00

*League found at http://www.leaguedaddy.com/leagues/?lid=253*

LB A.J. Hawk asks, "ahhh c'mon Coach, can I keep one?"

Buckeyes Contain Bulldogs
Bironm outdoes himself on dumb Leaguedaddy game titles

The second meeting on the season between Coach MadSci's Bulldogs and Coach Bironm's Buckeyes turned out similar to the last, with this time Ohio State advancing to the finals of the DaONE playoffs by a score of 31-7.

Ohio State began the game with a methodical march down the field against a much improved Georgia run defense from their previous matchup, penny & nickeling (no dime's to speak of) on first & second down and got bailed out by 2 third-down receptions for 61 yards by WR Ted Ginn. Despite their efforts, the Buckeyes came up short of the end zone and had to settle for a K Josh Huston 44 yard field goal. Georgia couldn't answer the 3 minute drive with one of their own, and just less than 2 minutes after the field goal the Buckeyes found the end zone, as QB Troy Smith found a leaping Ginn for a 35 yard touchdown pass.

After the first of 2 FS Nate Salley interceptions, Ohio State managed to take advantage of a short field and on 3rd and goal, Smith tucked it and ran for a 6 yard touchdown dash thru the heart of the Bulldog defense. However, by this time the Georgia offense began to click, and after 2 first downs QB D.J. Shockley went up top to his monster TE Leonard Pope, who outraced the Buckeye defense 71 yards in route to the first UGA score.

The score would remain 17-7 heading into the half, but the Buckeye defense held tough after a long kick return by Danny Ware to force another Shockley pick. With just under 4 minutes remaining in the quarter, the Buckeyes hooked up on a long ball of their own as Smith read the UGA blitz to find a wide open WR Roy Hall for a 62 yard touchdown reception. The Buckeyes would add another touchdown in the fourth on an 8 yard touchdown rush by FB Dionte Johnson, but the air had already been sucked out of the Georgia fans in the 3rd when LB A.J. Hawk wrestled an interception away from Pope in the end zone to thwart the last serious Georgia threat.

Great game Mad as usual, look forward to seeing you again in another season - can't go without dat DaONE.

Box Score & Summary
UGA - 00-07-00-00 - 7
OSU - 10-07-07-07 - 31

1st Quarter
Bucks 44 yard field goal by Huston - 2:40
Bucks 35 yard pass from Smith to Ginn (Huston kick) - 0:42

2nd Quarter
Bucks 6 yard run by Smith (Huston kick) - 4:10
UGA 71 yard pass from Shockley to Pope (Ely-Kelso kick) - 2:28

3rd Quarter
Bucks 62 yard pass from Smith to Hall (Huston kick) - 3:58

4th Quarter
Bucks 8 yard run by Johnson (Huston kick) - 5:24

EA Sports NCAA 2006 Tournament

2005-12-15T23:31:00.000-05:00

The 2005 EA Sports NCAA Football Challenge concluded last weekend, with Clemson University's Michael Hawkins emerging the winner of the $10,000 prize. Hawkins won the final 36-35 after hitting an 80-yard hail mary with less than a minute remaining in the game to take the lead, and then Penn State University's Dan Ward botched a 61-yard field goal as time expired.

Sound familiar? Ya, it's like the story of the NCAA ballers life. Hail Mary to end it, 61 yard field goal the norm - I just find it humorous that I can read thru this article and sympathize with every sentiment conveyed in the special "tips" section. One of my favorites was from last year's champion, Florida State's Jesse "Juice" Hanninan:

It’s a very legit play. Some people thinks it’s an unfair play, but you’ve just got to know the counter for it. You’ve got to be smart enough to stop it.

Now I know everyone plays the same and whatnot, but I have news for you - when you base your entire offense on the HB Direct and then audible in a bomb when someone gears up to stop it...it's not a legit play. I know I'm arguing a fruitless argument and I gave up a long time ago on those not within the "sim" community I'd guess you call it, but I mean I think I'd honestly shit my pants twice watching this event pan out.

I forget what game level this event was played on (I think Varsity or All-American), but I'd love to see some of the guys I play with in an event like this. I don't honestly believe we'd roll in and beat everyone's ass, but I know they'd make for some great games - it just sucks that EA excludes anyone not enrolled at one of the host schools from participating in the event. Wonder if I can enroll at Ohio State for basket weaving or something next quarter...

Anyway, here's the IGN link to the story as well.

Back to the Glory Days?

2005-12-13T10:02:00.000-05:00

*just an excerpt from one of my online NCAA leagues which can be found at http://www.leaguedaddy.com/leagues/?lid=253*

The Buckeyes showed they still possess datHeart necessary to be successful in online play

DaONE Has a Pulse!
Buckeyes defeat Miami in the long awaited Elite 8 battle

Coach Bironm, drenched in rare and sought-after Citrus Cooler flavored Gatorade, had only one thing to say after the game. "My kids tonight showed that they have more Heart than the Billboard Top 50 in the late '80s."

Going up against hot Miami team after a sound defeat of the up & down Coach TDAUG's Oklahoma Sooners, the Buckeyes knew they would be in for a game and they came out accordingly. After shutting down the opening Canes drive after a non-existent clipping call forced them to start from their own 9, HB Erik Haw showed no lack of aortic fortitude by following the block of RG Doug Datish right thru the Canes 5-2 defensive set to cruise 68 yards for the quarter's first touchdown. After a quick Miami 3 and out, Ohio State would only need 3 plays to drive 33 yards for their second touchdown, this time the result of a 14 yard QB Troy Smith option keeper. Miami would again stutter on offense after the ensuing kick, and after a short punt the Buckeyes again marched into the end zone on a 2 yard FB Dionte Johnson touchdown run.

Up early, the Buckeyes began playing a bit more liberal on defense, but Coach Canes142 found a way to burn it on a play-action 63 yard pass from QB Kirby Freeman to WR Sionorice Moss, or however the world you spell that. With just 1:29 remaining in the half, Smith didn't hesitate in retaliating with a 77 yard strike to WR Roy Hall to conclude the game's scoring before halftime at 28-7.

Good game Canes, I'm sure I'll see you around the next time the Mad Doc laces up the Commissioner shoes.

Box Score & Summary
UM - 00-07-00-00 - 7
OSU - 21-07-00-00 - 28

1st Quarter
Bucks 68 yard run by Haw (Huston kick) - 3:41
Bucks 14 yard run by Smith (Huston kick) - 1:29
Bucks 2 yard run by Johnson (Huston kick) - 0:00

2nd Quarter
Miami 63 yard pass from Freeman to Moss (Peattie kick) - 1:52
Bucks 77 yard pass from Smith to Hall (Huston kick) - 0:33

3rd Quarter
no scoring

4th Quarter
no scoring

World Baseball Classic

2005-12-12T15:06:00.000-05:00

Not sure how much you've been following the future event, but from March 3rd - 20th, 2006, six different venues will host the first World Baseball Classic. The landmark event is set to have teams representing their countries of Australia, Canada, China, Cuba, the Dominican Republic, Italy, the Netherlands, Japan, Korea, Mexico, Panama, Puerto Rico, South Africa, Chinese Taipei, the United States and Venezuela. Currently, 177 Major League players have committed to play for their home countries, including both of this year's MVP's in Albert Pujols and Alex Rodriguez.

As an article on mlb.com states, imagine a first round showdown between USA's Barry Bonds & Canada's Eric Gagne, or a 9th inning at bat between Chicago White Sox teammates Mark Buerhle of the U.S. and Tadahito Iguchi of Japan to decide which of their countries advances to the Final. Any way you slice it, this event looks to be one of the most exciting events since the first year the NBA players went international with the first "Dream Team".

Clicking the pic will take you to the MLB homepage featuring updates on the event as players commit to their countries, as well as providing you with dates that games will be played at different locations along with the opportunity to purchase tickets for the event.

Now on a side note, Boz and I have been talking about updating our MVP Baseball rosters once again as our excitement again begins to surface following the winter meetings, and now we're working on a way to include the WBC teams on the roster file as well - so I guess if you're still hailing MVP Baseball as the greatest baseball title available for the MLB, then be sure and stay tuned in the near future to the download section along link side of this blog.

JDatE

2005-12-11T23:44:00.000-05:00

I promise I'll post more productive shit this week, but I had to add a note somewhere that I've finally finished my first book since "Omerta" by Mario Puzo.

I must say that yes, I do have a life, but I started reading this like a year ago and picked up bits and pieces along the way, but I finally finished it. Ok, so it's not actually a book, but it's gotta be the best online publication I've came across, so if you have like - a lot - of time, then by all means click the pic & read up.

MLB Winter Meetings moves

2005-12-08T16:02:00.000-05:00

Some serious movement going on round the world of hot stove MLB, here is your complete list:

2005 WINTER MEETINGS TRANSACTIONS SUMMARY

December 5th
Cleveland Indians – Signed RHP Paul Byrd to a two-year contract with a club option for 2008.
New York Mets – Acquired C Paul Lo Duca from the Florida Marlins in exchange for two players to be named.
Oakland Athletics – Acquired RHP Chad Gaudin from the Toronto Blue Jays in exchange for a player to be named later.
St. Louis Cardinals – Signed C Gary Bennett and INF Deivi Cruz to one-year contracts.

December 6th
Baltimore Orioles – Traded LHP Steve Kline to the San Francisco Giants in exchange for RHP LaTroy Hawkins.
Toronto Blue Jays – Signed RHP A.J. Burnett to a five-year contract.

December 7th
Arizona Diamondbacks – Acquired C Johnny Estrada from the Atlanta Braves in exchange for RHPs Lance Cormier and Oscar Villarreal.
Atlanta Braves – Acquired RHP Wes Obermueller from the Milwaukee Brewers in exchange for RHP Dan Kolb.
Boston Red Sox – Acquired INF Mark Loretta from the San Diego Padres in exchange for C Doug Mirabelli.
Chicago Cubs – Acquired OF Juan Pierre from the Florida Marlins in exchange for RHPs Sergio Mitre and Ricky Nolasco and LHP Renyel Pinto. Agreed to terms with INF/OF John Mabry on a one-year contract.
Cleveland Indians – Re-signed RHP Bob Wickman to a one-year contract.
Colorado Rockies – Acquired C Yorvit Torrealba from the Seattle Mariners for a player to be named later and designated C Miguel Ojeda for assignment.
Florida Marlins – Re-signed RHP Brian Moehler to a one-year contract; signed INF Lenny Harris to a minor league contract with an invitation to Spring Training.
Kansas City Royals – Acquired LHP Mark Redman from the Pittsburgh Pirates in exchange for RHP Jonah Bayliss and a player to be named later. Granted the unconditional release of RHP D.J. Carrasco.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim – Designated OF Jeff DaVanon for assignment; added RHP Hector Carrasco to the 40-man roster.
Los Angeles Dodgers – Signed INF Rafael Furcal to a three-year contract. Re-signed INF Olmedo Saenz to a two-year contract.
St. Louis Cardinals – Acquired OF Larry Bigbie and INF Aaron Miles from the Colorado Rockies in exchange for LHP Ray King.
San Diego Padres – Re-signed RHP Trevor Hoffman to a two-year contract with a vesting option for 2008.
Seattle Mariners – Re-signed LHP Jamie Moyer to a one-year contract.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays – Acquired INF Sean Burroughs from the San Diego Padres in exchange for RHP Dewon Brazelton.
Texas Rangers – Agreed to terms with RHP John Wasdin on a one-year contract.
Toronto Blue Jays – Acquired INF Lyle Overbay and a player to be named later from the Milwaukee Brewers in exchange for RHP Dave Bush, OF Gabe Gross and a player to be named.

December 8th
Atlanta Braves – Acquired INF Edgar Renteria and cash considerations from the Boston Red Sox for INF Andy Marte.
Cincinnati Reds – Acquired INF/OF Tony Womack from the New York Yankees in exchange for INF Kevin Howard and OF Ben Himes.
Colorado Rockies – Signed RHP Jose Mesa to a one-year contract with a club option for 2007.
Kansas City Royals – Signed RHP Elmer Dessens to a two-year contract. Signed INF/OF Joe McEwing to a minor league contract with an invitation to Spring Training.
New York Mets – Signed INF Jose Valentin to a minor league contract with an invitation to Spring Training.
Pittsburgh Pirates – Acquired INF Sean Casey and a cash consideration in exchange for LHP Dave Williams.
San Francisco Giants – Signed INF/OF Mark Sweeney to a two-year contract.
Seattle Mariners – Acquired RHP Marcos Carvajal to complete trade for C Yorvit Torrealba.
Toronto Blue Jays – Acquired RHP Ty Taubenheim from the Milwaukee Brewers as the player to be named in the trade that sent Lyle Overbay to Toronto for RHP Dave Bush, OF Gabe Gross; Milwaukee acquired LHP Zach Jackson from Toronto to complete the trade.

Bengals Banter

2005-12-07T22:39:00.000-05:00

The holidays certainly are a busy time, and as such I'm unsure as to whether or not I want to talk about the Bengals beating Pittsburgh, Chad Johnson's comments in the news, Ohio State vs. Notre Dame in the 2006 Fiesta Bowl or the Reds trading Sean Casey...guess I'll start with 'dem Bengals.

Ok so the Bengals. Actually Steelers - Fuck Hines Ward. I've always loved him as a player and admired his enthusiasm, then he mocks Chad Johnson's Riverdance & follows up with the Icky Shuffle. Now, I could do the Riverdance - it is pretty stupid. Funny, but stupid. But when you bust out the Icky Shuffle you've went too fuckin' far. I'm really yet to see the first end zone celebration be derogitory towards another team, but then again we've never been the first place team able to back up our shit talk. It was ok when you were the top dawg, people could celebrate and get excited, but they'd always end up losing in the end - well, now Hines can lick his own asshole.

What a vindicating win. And I really don't like hating on the Steelers, I like to build up my hatred Brian Billick and unleash that during Ravens' games.

And forgive me for jumping the gun a bit, but I'm ready to talk Pro Bowl. In 1989 we sent 6 players and haven't touched that number since, but we may approach it again as coaches & players vote on December 19th & 20th and the fan ballots stop.

Definite: QB Carson Palmer, WR Chad Johnson, RT Willie Anderson, CB Deltha O'Neal
Maybe: RB Rudi Johnson, MLB Odell Thurman, LT Levi Jones, K Shayne Graham

In Palmer you have either the #1 or #2 rated passer in the NFL all season, Johnson is the perennial AFC receiving leader, Anderson is still the best RT in the NFL and O'Neal is your interception leader.

Rudi has some tough company at the spot in having to outshine Edgerrin James and LaDainian Tomlinson, but he appears to be battling with the Chiefs' Larry Johnson for the 3rd and final spot. My notion tells me Johnson will win as he has more yards, TD's and a higher YPC, but usually one of the top 3 bow out anyway and Rudi may go back to the Pro Bowl again by that nature.

Odell Thurman should be everybody's Defensive Rookie of the Year in the AFC. I mean, I thought FS Madieu Williams would garner votes last season but was destroyed by a much higher profile MLB Jonathan Vilma, but this year I think it's a no-brainer. As far as the Pro Bowl goes however, Vilma's going to get votes in front of him as well as guys like Gary Brackett & Zach Thomas. He has a good chance as going as an alternate, but I don't think Thurman goes this year otherwise. Wait for the near future, he'll be there plenty.

Any time a QB leads the league in passing, you can usually pencil in his blindside T to be mentioned for the Pro Bowl. Now in Cincinnati we've known our Tackles have been good the last few years, but after the Indianapolis game I think most people know how good Jones is with the job he did against Dwight Freeney. Jones essentially made Johnathan Ogden look old, and he's really done nothing he hasn't done for the last 2 seasons.

Who else did I mention...Shayne Graham. His kickoffs are god-awful, but anytime you rank 2nd in points and drill some 82% of your attempted kicks for a winning team, you're going to get plenty of mention. Graham's ass is slightly saved on the kickoffs by a great coverage unit and that may totally alleviate the knock on him, and as of right now I believe he's leading the fan balloting anyway. Since he looks like he may be there anyway, I guess I should've probably listed him first before Rudi so this pick doesn't look like so much of a stretch.

Bottom Line: I'm thinking 5 Bengals in the 2006 Pro Bowl.

Should have Xbox 360 this week

2005-12-03T02:06:00.000-05:00

So I return from my 2-month Hiatus in Arizona and Mexico with no idea what's going on in the world of sports, a chafe or some sort of rash on my undersized peter and a message on my VoiceMail that I am next in line for a Xbox 360 at the Queens/Forest Hills Gamestop. What does this mean for me?

Well, it means I'm out 400+ bucks for the system alone. What games will I grab? I was planning on the no-brainer Madden 360 and NBA Live but Live got around a 5.9 average and got some terrible reviews. Who knows, everything I've seen on it looks pretty damn sweet so I'm still undecided. I may have to sign up for gametap.com or the other video game rental site, what's it called? Can't recall.

A big holy shit for the rack on that Atlanta Girl in Biron's post, good to see the site hasn't fallen apart without me posting sporadically.

Back to the 360, whilst going to Target here in San Diego to buy some hydrocortisone to fight the eczema I've developed on my schlong, I actually played some 360, first time I'd ever even seen the beast to be honest. It was in a word, incredible. Played some Call of Duty 2:Big Red One(which in my case fits perfectly, damn this penis hurts!) and some King Kong. Kong was mindblowing, was grabbing T-Rexes, Raptors, swinging on vines and stuff that would make a 13-year old boy (as well as a 30 year old immature person with a strangely infected penis)squeal like a schoolgirl.

They didn't have any playable demos of Madden or any sports games, but NBA2k6 and NHL2k6 were there as videos, they didn't sway me one way or the other, I just don't like how they look but I'm honestly gonna try them out, I'm easy like that you know?

See Swade hasn't returned from his hiatus, not a good sign, at least for me, I'll have to actually post more frequently now and maybe dig into my own thesaurus. Until then, I'll just keep posting pics of hot chicks and talking about video games.

I'm off to lube up my Lil' Soldier with some Hydrocortisone, wish me luck.

MADDEN CURSE MY ASS!

New NCAA Baseball Screens

2005-11-30T22:28:00.000-05:00

Seems to be just a few images of the Stadium Editor, which means they probably made a lousy attempt at acquiring the real things - which doesn't bother me too much, gimme good gameplay and we can start building a stadium base and edit them by the year like we did with football 4-5 years ago.

Looks pretty fun, and as usual if I didn't have an internet connection I'd be all over this - fact is I'll probably sample it to tell someone about it and then never touch it again if it's worth its weight online.

Anyway, just a quick update - check out all 5 screens and a video on the feature at IGN.

Unguided Blog

2005-11-29T08:27:00.000-05:00

Hope everybody celebrated Thanksgiving (well, except for Mormons I'm guessing) by eating great food, being with family and giving thanks for the things that matter that we often overlook at times - our many freedoms, our families & possibly the most important thing...me updating this site in light of Boz going on a religious mission (?) to Kenya and Swade not posting since my FSU Babes post that rocked the very foundation of blogging in general. I know it's not easy to follow up, but with this post it's been bumped off the front page and certainly only those that viewed it originally will remember it...as well as everyone reading this paragraph who clicked "FSU Babes" that had that same hyperlink to it.

At any rate, check out my post FSU Babes when you get a chance - and what was I talking about again?

I kind of feel like I owe one of those posts where I cover a bunch of topics as to what's been going on lately in the sports & gaming world that this blog so eloquently (doesn't) cover, but I'm kinda going into this post blind so I'm not real sure where exactly I'm heading. You know actually, I'll just make a list:

Ok well, I guess onto the links.

Gamespot has posted a really cool article about all the cover athletes this year on sports games, it basically has the before and after stats of being on the cover in the same flavor as everyone talks about how being on the covers is a curse (certainly none of that around here), but it's a pretty cool quick read.

Gamespy (whom I recently decided that I should work for) has a pretty pimp Buyer's Guide up for the holidays. I normally don't like to totally pimp sites too much or try to make one site money (ya, and pigs routinely fly outta my ass), but the extents gone thru in this guide had to be recognized by someone - just choose your platform and go.

IGN has an article posted entitled "Top Ten Reasons to Buy an Xbox 360" - and it certainly makes a compelling argument. I know Boz had one pre-ordered and I think already paid for (imagine if he posted more than twice every month), but with his whole moving back to New York thing and going on a cruise (ok, I lied about the Mormon mission - I often go for shock ratings), we really don't have any FM exclusives on the games or the systems. What IGN really needs to do is write an article that'll actually help me out - "Convince Your Pregnant Wife to Buy an Xbox 360...Instead of Nursery Furniture" - although the title could be a work in progress.

And finally, I've been asked a few times about any news on the PS3 - launch, price, features - and I came up with an interview with Howard Springer (Chairman and CEO of Sony) that occurred on November 1st. A few highlights, because I know you bastards don't want to read the whole thing:

"In a demonstration of the swift collaborative response to consumer-driven marketplace changes that a revitalized Sony can deliver, the company soon will unveil a line of compact, portable video devices to fill the time gap before PlayStation 3 launches in Japan in March and in the U.S. a year from now."
"The reason Sony has suddenly gained support for Blu-ray is simple," said a high-level studio executive close to the discussions. "PS3 is a subsidized Blu-ray play that will sell 20 million units. The first HD player will be on the market for $1,000. PS3 could be at $300 or $400. Sony will be selling them at a loss the first six months to a year just to get Blu-ray players out in the market. So studios realize they need to have their content on it."
"In keeping with the PlayStation business model, PS3 will roll out at a loss for the first six months, then rapidly turn profits on game-license fees. PS3 will be bundled with a selection of preloaded films, TV programs and games and sell for between $300-$400."

So there you have it. If you haven't read about the "Blu-ray" thing with Sony you can find out a bit about it in that link, and I'm sure I'll blog something about it to fill space at some point. I'm still pretty pro-Sony, but an entire year waiting on the new console is going to suck - but really sounds like a helluva deal. I'm working on the wife for a PSP for Xmas, but then again I work on relatives for video game shit every year but often come up unsuccessful - and I assume this year to be no different as we find out the baby's sex on December 19th...baby clothes galore!

Wherefor art thou Swade?

2005-11-24T17:51:00.000-05:00

Hello, it's Swade. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Ok ok - it's biron and that was a cheap shot. Had this been an actual Swade post, you'd undoubtedly be spinning around trying to figure out wtf he's saying in just the first sentence, "Hello, it's Swade."

I keeed, I keeed.

I actually haven't heard from ole Swade since he switched jobs and we last argued over his big words, my cursing and Teebee's trail of tits 'n ass. But I mean, all I was trying to say was that next time, in promulgating your esoteric cogitations, or articulating your superficial sentimentalities and amicable, philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a clarified conciseness, a compacted comprehensibleness, coalescent consistency, and a concatenated cogency. Eschew all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations.

Let your extemporaneous descantings and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and veracious vivacity, without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolixity, psittaceous vacuity ventriloquial verbosity, and vaniloquent vapidity. Shun double-entendres, prurient jocosity, and pestiferous profanity, obscurant or apparent!!

You know, quit using big fuckin' words!

Make It Five

2005-11-22T11:56:00.000-05:00

You could actually argue 4 here because of Ray Lewis, but let's face it - he's not the best MLB on the planet anymore just 2 years removed from his Madden cover appearance.

I don't think I need to give background, but if you need it - here you go.

Now onto this season. Donovan McNabb suffers a sports hernia in week #1, the target capable of taking them to the Super Bowl and helping McNabb win an MVP award is suspended indefinitely for conduct detrimental to the team, and over the lack of targets and run game - McNabb has thrown 9 picks in 9 games, which unfortunately is more than he threw all of last year.

Now, McNabb is about to go under the knife to repair his injury and subsequently miss the remainder of the season. It's a horrible thing to happen to one of the league's great ambassadors, but if you didn't believe in the Madden Curse to date - it's never too late to wisen up.

I sure hope to hell Chad Johnson isn't on his way there, but my limited understanding of advertising logic is telling me that EA will attempt to market someone exactly like him into the role of the cover person. See, and you thought I was a synical bastard for posting about this all the time - I have my reasons for wishing the curse wasn't true.

NFL Tidbits for Week #11

2005-11-21T13:52:00.000-05:00

I think the Bengals exposed a Colts defense untested against a legitimate offensive threat, however the Colts also showed that regardless of the situation that they've found that way to win required of all great teams. I can't remember scoring 27 at halftime and being down 8 points, but kudos to both teams for playing an extremely entertaining game. Oh, fuck the Colts for winning.

Btw, I wonder what Colts' Offensive Coordinator Tom Moore's going to do when Peyton's not around to call plays for him?

I think the Chargers are a dark horse again in the playoff race. One of the most underrated teams in the league, Drew Brees continues to show why Phillip Rivers is destined for anywhere but San Diego. The ageless one, Keenan McCardell continues to impress, but if Antonio Gates right foot turns out to warrant that protective boot from Sunday - suddenly the Chargers are much easier to defend. I don't think I need to say anything about L.T., I think we all can agree he's the best RB in the NFL despite Shaun Alexander's record setting pace of touchdowns.

Speaking of Shaun, amazing how many red zone looks you get after ripping your team up and down over a single fuckin' carry at the end of the 2004 season. He's now on pace to destroy Priest Holmes' mark of 27 in 2003 by scoring 30 - I mean, that is if you consider "destroy" and "by 3" the same.

Hey, the Houston Texans are about 53 players, a coaching staff and a knowledgable front office away from competing...

For all you people talking about the weak NFC and the Bear's chance at representing them at the Super Bowl, you do have one thing correct in your assessment of their defense - they are 2000 Ravens-like. I think by the end of the season you'll see they're not on that same level, but they have played eerily similar to it so far this season. However, your feelings on how Kyle Orton is going to make a fine pro - that all depends on which light you consider Trent Dilfer a part of.

And Tre - err, Kyle poses another interesting situation. What happens to Sexy Rexy nexy(next - sorry) season? I'm thinking trade bait and his past certainly warrants it, but he really showed some flashes of being really good before he got hurt the last 2 seasons. Should he stay healthy he'll be a much better pro than Orton (sorry Bears fans), but then again what do I know - I only watched Orton crash and burn twice at Purdue after reaching career peaks.

All I can do about the Rams loss to the Cardinals Sunday is step back and represent my hood with a token-black Stuart Scott catch-phrase - "my bad dawg." Here I am wondering why the hell the Rams refuse to use Steven Jackson unless Bulger's hurt - well, Sunday I think Jackson actually ran hard about 27% of the time. By no coincidence does the aforementioned percentage relate to my current fixation with how awesome Eddie George is for appearing in a video game TV show on G4TV.

I love the new TE's in the league - quick, agile and incredibly strong big men getting it done whether it be blocking or receiving. Ben Watson, Dallas Clark, Jeremy Shockey, Heath Miller - I just love 'em, and I sure as hell hope the Bengals pick up one next year. How badass would Leonard Pope look in orange & black?

Ya - had to go back to the Bengals, I'm a homer. While I'm here, let's just mention that Chad Johnson is becoming a complete receiver, and I think only Marvin Harrison & Torry Holt rival him in route running at this point, with Randy Moss and T.O. excluded because their freak of nature status allows them to get open regardless. The emergence of Carson Palmer and the supporting cast in Cincinnati will have Johnson being a force in the league for a long time.

DeAngelo Hall is a stud at CB and is going to enjoy many Pro Bowls, but I swear to god the next person to mention anyone as being a "shutdown CB" is getting punched right in the fucking mouth. They don't exist, shut up.

On the CB kick, I'm finally ready to admit that Deltha O'Neal is worth the hype he's getting for leading the league in interceptions. He makes outstanding plays on the ball and despite his aggressive, ball-hawking mentality, he didn't bite on a single pump fake from Peyton Manning yesterday. On the other side of the field (ahh shit, did I go Bengals again?), Tory James really kinda showed his age and what he has to do to keep up - be overly aggressive. James can still cover plenty well, but he's not going to be manning up on elite WR's with equal success as O'Neal can at this point. I'll say again, Bengals take a DB within the first 2 picks this draft despite our need for beef in the middle.

If the Redskins had another WR to compliment one this season's best in Santana Moss, I don't think they'd be as enigmatic as they've been. Problems arise from the opposing team concentrating on Moss on passing downs and Clinton Portis on rushing downs, and at times it has decimated Washington's offense. Losing to Oakland in a game they should've won has put their playoff credibility in question. Now, WR Taylor Jacobs takes over the #2 slot for injured David Patten and James Thrash - neither of which even makes the team in Cincinnati.

Shit, I did it again. But honestly, how sweet is it to have football back in the Buckeye state? Btw Cleveland doesn't count, for all I care that state up north can annex them.

4-1 vs. Michigan

2005-11-19T23:16:00.000-05:00

SOCOM 3: U.S. Navy Seals (PS2)

2005-11-17T09:24:00.000-05:00

With the exception of probably Halo, there's only one gaming franchise other than NCAA Football that gives me morning wood in the middle of the afternoon - and that's Socom: U.S. Navy Seals. Well, unless you live in a box and your favorite color is "dark" then you're aware that the third addition under the name released October 11th - and my marriage has suffered since.

Ok that's exaggerating, but I've played it a fuckin' lot.

Socom: U.S. Navy Seals became an instant classic back in 2002, and although I can't say that I was a charter member onboard that bandwagon in the early days I have been shooting shit since the 2003 sequel Socom II. For the aforementioned box dwellers that haven't seen, played or heard of this game, it's a 1st or 3rd person shooter (3rd is the most preferred by virtually everyone) that allows you to play as the leader of a group of 4 Navy Seals and rescue the world from the pits of terrorists bent on destroying anything and everything remotely normal in our accepted way of life. However, Socom hasn't been known for its single player campaign in the first 2 installments - it's essentially become the Playstation's multiplayer answer to Halo 2 for the Xbox, with a cult following that rivals it as well.

In the single player campaign, your group of 4 Seals is drawn out over North Africa, South Asia and Poland to (assumably) stop a madman leader by the name of General Heydar Mahmood who is the head of the North African Patriotic Front. What this leader wants to do - actually you know what, I haven't played the single player so I'm going to quit pretending I know what the fuck I'm talking about. But! From what I hear, the single player rocks this year and is much better than 1 & 2, which for all intensive purposes have sucked irregular-sized testicles.

What I do know about it, the maps are enormous yet easy to navigate. When you enter the "Quick Deploy" option from the Main Menu, you begin the first mission which exposes you to many new features and sets you up for the gameplay you're going to experience. Navpoints direct you from objective to objective so there's never a real gray area or that sense of not knowing what to do next. You can snipe enemies from afar, you get into some close quarters combat and you have the opportunity to utilize the first vehicle to the series, the gun-mounted multi-use humvee. After clearing a trail you come to a situation where you must cross water, but one thing - there's a big fucking gunboat there...that you get to use!

If that's not enough, you can actually swim across to the next point if you like - another new feature - but let's face it, the machine guns on those boats deal out some serious murder and are way too badass to let sit afloat. Voice commands are another neat thing - not that I'd bark out alpha, bravo or any other name with my wife around to make fun of me, but for the gaming enthusiast you have to appreciate the feature. I'll comment more on this when I actually do play it all out, as I hear it only takes about 3 hours to complete.

Online is the meat 'n potaters of the franchise. The Socom servers routinely bolster 20k+ at any one point in time, so there's never a lack of people to shoot at. Hosted "Medleys" of each gametype are available on all servers that typically list out Suppression Medley, Breach Medley, Extraction Medley, Demolition Medley, Convoy Medley, & Control Medley. Something tells me I'm missing one and don't have them in the right order, however you take the good with the bad when finishing the final touches of your blog at work vs. sitting in front of the TV at home. Suppression is your basic deathmatch, Breach has the Seals objective being to force their way into somewhere, Extraction involves one side rescuing hostages, Demolition places a bomb in the middle of the map with the objective being to blow up the other team's base, Convoy provides vehicles to one side and it's necessary to escort a convoy of trucks to a loading zone & then to an extraction zone, and Control is a race to plant colored smoke beacons at each point across the map before your opponent does.

Suppression and Demolition are the proven winners and usually are always full or close to full of 32 people, but Convoy & Control are really gaining steam and doing pretty well. Extraction & Breach are kind of slow and rarely have an assload of people in them, but overall every type of game is fun and it definitely stays interesting game to game. My typical thing is to join the Enlisted Ranks server and find a created room that's just a basic medley, one that chooses a random map & random game type from game to game - thus keeping all my skills fresh.

The servers are outstanding for the most part, with the only framerate problems coming when you're watching a game finish out from the view of another player. For those unfamiliar, in online Socom you typically die once and then wait for the objective to be met or the other team to be eliminated before you begin a new one. Games are typically set up for 11 rounds w/ the first team to reach 6 winning the contest, but it's an interesting change from traditional online warfare games. You can choose respawn as an option, and on the same token you can choose to play 3 round games instead of 11, play with 16, 8 or 4 players instead of 32; take away vehicles & explosive devices, remove certain guntypes, change the time of the rounds, change the maps from large to small, change the maps from day to night turning a once bloodshed rushing point into a sniping ground - just insane customization options, and all available under a great connection.

In order to help control online cheating, the developers added a player verification process that requires you to register with a credit card. While playing online Socom is free, what this does is prevents the punks of the virtual world from getting banned and then coming back under another name - because instead of banning "HaYw00dJab10wM3" they can simply ban the card registered under it, thus making it harder to obtain another card to verify another account. Verified accounts allow you to play "Ranked" games in which your stats are recorded to your online profile that raises your rank from a lowly Seamen to eventually Admiral if you're amongst the top 5%, but not verifying your account only allows you to play in Unscored games that serve no purpose other than to provide the free online service.

The weapon selection before each round online (also before missions in single player) is almost a game in itself, providing enough options for the long-time subscriber to Guns 'N Ammo and also making it easy enough for the guy who barely knows the difference between an assault rifle & a pistol. Different weapons have a variable amount of attachments that can be added to each, with everything from long range scopes, gun-sturdying bipods, thermal & night vision, frag launchers, silencers, RPG's, grenades, mines & claymores. Each has strengths and weaknesses, for instance - silenced weapons don't pack quite as much punch as unsilenced guns, and submachine guns are much easier to control than rifles but lack range. Sniper rifles cover an extreme long range when fitted with a high scope, but the drawback comes with the inability to carry anything more than a pistol as your sidearm for up close and personal combat.

I think that's a pretty good start to Socom, after I read back over it and decide I could've wrote another 18 pages about something else I'll do it at a later date. Now, like with any gaming review I do - I'm going to list an assload of related sites to point you in the right direction to establishing yourself in the community.

Game Reviews: Gamepro, Gamespot, Gamespy, G4, IGN
Gaming Ladder: Gamebattles.com, Socom Arena
General Forums: Socom3.com, Socomclans.net
Online Strategy: Tactical Whiteboard
Top Gaming Clans: Clay Pigeons, Eazzy Company, Hostile Annihilation Syndicate, Red Cell, Sea Snipers, Shadow Ops, Tactical Ops Unit, Urgent Fury

Anyway, Teebee and I started a Franchise Mode clan online that consists of us both and my younger brother, so if you happen to notice an [FM] next to someone's name then give us a shout out.

Worst song ever

2005-11-15T01:40:00.000-05:00

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ice-ys.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and then Donna
Karen, they be sharin’
All their money got me wearin’
Fly gearrr but I ain’t askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Se7en Jeans, True Religion,
I say no, but they keep givin’
So I keep on takin’
And no I ain’t fakin’
We can keep on datin’
I keep on demonstrating.

My love, my love, my love, my love
You love my lady lumps,
My hump, my hump, my hump,
My humps they got u,
She’s got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Lets spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it,
If u touch it I’ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps x3
In the back and in the front.
My lovin’ got u,
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me.

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon’ do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I’ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.
She’s got me spendin’.
Spendin all your money on me and spendin’ time on me
She’s got me spendin’.
Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me.

Oh yeah, nice pass McNabb, time for surgery. And did we really need to hear both John Madden and Al Michaels say Pubic Bone on MNF? I don't think i'm going to recover from that for quite some time,

FSU Babes

2005-11-09T02:14:00.000-05:00

You may remember them as the hotties you saw watching college football, the ones that made your nono say "yesyes" during week #1 at the FSU/Miami game...

*pause for effect

...but our hotties wouldn't settle there. The FSU Warchant message boards have become a hotspot of late, featuring these beautiful college coeds at many different venues. I really have nothing else to say on this post, so I hope you're not on a 56k internet connection that will make your life a living hell loading this blog for as long as this remains on the front page.

So, until next time....gooooooooo 'Noles.