Kirilenko cracks the top 10 in NBA Live 06

First of all, let me preface this blog by telling biron that his 2k'lovin arse should just keep driving, nothing to see here, nothing to report, please resume your herky-jerky hockey playing and head toward the light Carol Anne.

NBA Live 2006 comes out Tuesday Sept 28 and in timely fashion the PR/Marketing geniuses at EASports have released the top 25 rated superstars in this versions game. Why is this a big deal? Well, if you remember anything from your past (excluding anyone that touched you on the swimsuit parts or forced you to watch Little Women) EA's NBA series use to be based around superstar signature moves and unstoppable Tom Chambers levitation dunk which enabled me to score a record 200 points in Lakers vs Celtics for the ole' Sega Genesis.

Pour outta lil' Liquor for the GGOAT

These so-called sig-moves were unstoppable moves that would immediately distinguish a star player from a Uwe Blab. From Bird's Fader baseline to Jordan's Air the game was an awesome experience. Apparently, this was too much fun as EA gassed the sig moves sometime around 1995. It's back for 2006 with freestyle superstars.

Superstars are broken down into six different superstar categories: Scorers, Highflyers, Power Players, Playmakers, Shooters and Stoppers. If you are a complete moron and can't figure out what these descriptions mean please click here for more explanation: Moron Link

While I've wasted enough of your time (which is nothing compared to the time Biron has wasted trying to moisten the loinage of Katie in GTA:SA) here are the top 25 NBA Live 2006 superstars along with their superstar ranks:

1. Kevin Garnett: Superstar Abilities - Inside Scorer, Power, Inside Stopper (in past versions, you can't score on this guy, swat city)

2. Kobe "Break dat ass off on the chair" Bryant: Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Inside Scorer, Outside Scorer, Playmaker, Shooter, Outside Stopper (a veritable potpourri of superstar ability)

3. Lebron James: Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Inside Scorer, Outside Scorer, Playmaker, Power, Outside Stopper (Stopper? Lebron? I haven't seen that yet)

4. Tracy McGrady (Known as T-Mac by the kids): Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Inside Scorer, Outside Scorer, Playmaker, Shooter, Outside Stopper

5. Tim Duncan: Superstar Abilities - Inside Scorer, Power, Inside Stopper (How TD is #5 is a pure travesty)

6. Coverboy Dwyane Wade (anyone else notice his name is spelled wrong? Get an Urban Dictionary to that hospital please): Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Inside Scorer, Outside Scorer, Playmaker, Outside Stopper

7. Shawn Marion: Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Inside Scorer, Inside Stopper, Outside Stopper (Did EA watch the Playoffs last year? Did Marion even show up in 50% of the games, I say NEIN!)

8. Um, you may have heard of him, he's a little worse than Marion, SHAQ!: Superstar Abilities - Power, Inside Stopper

9. Amare Stoudamire: Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Inside Scorer, Power, Inside Stopper (this guy could be a force, High Flyer and Power)

10. Andrei f'n Kirilenko: Superstar Abilities - Inside Scorer, Inside Stopper, Outside Stopper (Good to see the recognition, but EA still humped the Pug in the anus, giving him a 56 3pt rating, he must be a monster defensively if he is still top 10 with his low offensive ratings, have to see how it plays, i'm smelling a 3pt rating edit)

11. Vince Carter: Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Inside Scorer, Outside Scorer, Shooter, Bad Knees, Bad Attitude

12. Steve Francis: Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Inside Scorer, Outside Scorer, Shooter (gee, where the Eff is league MVP Steve Nash, the mere fact that they have Franchise above Nash is difficult to believe, Francis is a joke)

13. Allen Iverson: Superstar Abilities - Outside Scorer, Playmaker, Outside Stopper (Another player ranked waaaaay too low)

14. Baron Davis: Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Outside Scorer, Playmaker, Outside Stopper(This confirms it, EA, as well as Ozzie Guillen and George Bush, are racists!)

15. Rasheed Wallace: Superstar Abilities - Inside Scorer, Power, Inside Stopper, Drawing Technical Fouls (In a nutshell, WTF!! Sheed? Top 20, my ass)

16. Paul Pierce: Superstar Abilities - Inside Scorer, Outside Scorer, Shooter, Multiple Stabbings (This guy blows, just have to take a shot at Bill Simmons aka "The Sports guy" who apparantly has run out of schtick and is taking potshots at every single one of my favorite players, he might be the antichrist)

17. Manu Ginobili: Superstar Abilities - Inside Scorer, Outside Scorer, Playmaker, Outside Stopper(Wow, another white guy on the list, but still no Nash)

18. Ray Allen: Superstar Abilities - Outside Scorer, Shooter (his subpar 3pt shooting year drops him to 87 3pt rating, should be mid to high 90's)

19. Gil Arenas: Superstar Abilities - Outside Scorer, Playmaker, Outside Stopper, Pisses off teammates, Hogs ball in every crucial situation

20. Jason Kidd: Superstar Abilities - Playmaker, Outside Stopper (wow, someone with real basketball ability made the top 20, amazing)

21. Stephon Marbury: Superstar Abilities - Outside Scorer, Playmaker, Outside Stopper, Coach Killer, Bad Seed, Team Cancer, Did I miss any??, oh yeah, Soon to be out of NYC

22. Richard Jefferson: Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Outside Scorer, Outside Stopper (um, top 25 players, nope!)

23. Yao Ming: Superstar Abilities - Inside Scorer, Inside Stopper, Bad Driving (sorry, John Rocker moment)

24. Joe Freakin' Johnson: Superstar Abilities - Outside Scorer, Shooter, Outside Stopper (Joe meet Tyronn Lue, Lue meet waiver wire)

25. Jason Richardson: Superstar Abilities - High Flyer, Outside Scorer, Outside Stopper

Notable players not in the Top 25: Carmelo Anthony (86), Dirk Nowitzki (86),Elton Brand (86), Jermaine O'Neal (86), Ben Wallace (85), Kenyon Martin (85), Steve Nash (85), Greg Ostertag(2).

There you have it, the top 25 excluding League MVP Steve Nash! Yep, hope that shitburger tastes good to you up in Canada Stevie.

Haven't spiced up the Blog pages in some time with some T&A so enjoy!