The Eukanuba Diet

I have a miniature schnauzer and was buying a 25 lb. bag of Eukanuba at TSC, waiting in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Eukanuba Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Eukanuba chunks and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it one more time.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned to end up in the hospital. I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to have help as he staggered to the door in hysterics.