Monday, May 02, 2005

My crappy rotisserie teams

Wanna know why all 4 of my Yahoo! fantasy teams suck? It’s because I took the time to pre-rank all my players. That's right; I pre-rank my players for these leagues. Not only do I pre-rank the top #25 or so, this year I pre-ranked 203 players with OF Barry Bonds being #203 (some of you have undoubtedly assumed why my teams suck already I'm sure).

The other people in this league? Nada.

Out of the traditional 12 teams they throw in the league, I appear to be the only person out of those that bothered pre-ranking, and thus have received many of the same players on all 4 of my teams. My first pick in every league was Todd Helton (ranked #5 by me), then Gary Sheffield (#14), Roy Oswalt (#23), Ben Sheets (#24), Corey Patterson (#39), Carlos Lee (#41), Mark Buehrle (#96), Jason Kendall (#115), Chase Utley (#131), and Mike Cuddyer (#193). Now while I went to the extent of ranking these players based on their 5x5 fantasy merits and researched what they may do this year (with help from and my TSN subscription), everyone else just left the pre-rankings as they were or at most - took a few injured players out and then moved up a few hometown heroes. You know, like the one guy who's always in your league called "The Bronx_Bomberz" and has 7 Yankees on his team.

Ya, that guy.

Well, sadly, that guy is beating my ass.

Todd Helton, who prior to April of 2005, had went 14 consecutive months of hitting better than .300 - this past month he hit a blistering .266 with 1 HR and 9 RBI's. Ben Sheets currently has a viral infection that has caused him to miss 3 consecutive starts spanning over the past 2 weeks, and as of Saturday was placed on the 15-day DL. My breakout player Corey Patterson is very average considering I drafted him higher than Ritchie Sexton and Derrick Lee (.283, 5 HR 10 RBI, 1 SB), Carlos Lee blows (.214, 3 HR 15 RBI, 1 SB), and C Jason Kendall no longer can do the one thing he's always done in hit for average (.247).

Curt Schilling? DL.
Lance Berkman? DL.
Khalil Greene? DL.
Bobby Crosby? DL.

Seriously, it's enough to make a grown man cry (if by "grown man" I mean "me" and by "cry" I mean "say every swear word you know while editing your daily lineup").

Some other reaches I came up with was Chase Utley, who has received half the at-bats as everyone else on my roster (despite hitting .308 w/ 3 HR's and 9 RBI's), and my quality utility man in Mark Cuddyer (1B, 2B, 3B, OF - playable) is hitting .211 with 1 HR and 6 RBI's. Bad move on my part? I guess, but who else thought that last year's .263, 12 HR season was a breakout situation as well?

Oh, and apparently I didn't rank relievers as high as I needed to, as I don't have anything on any team except for the one I invite all my friends into that rarely check it (like Teebee, the ever-absent other poster in this blog). In my first league I have Akinori Otsuka and Juan Rincón, second I have Scot Shields and Shingo Takatsu, third I have LaTroy Hawkins and Tim Worrell, and finally in my friend league I pulled Hawkins and Chad Cordero. Due to lack of participation in the friend league, I snatched up Brandon Lyon and Miguel Batista - but that really doesn't mean shit when I'm ranked last in every offensive category in the league.

I've done my spiel, lemme give an example of how bad it is before I'm out ~

Cripples Bend
Runs - 76, or 4 points out of 12
HR - 11, or 1/12
RBI - 59, or 1/12
SB - 11, or 5/12
AVG - .290, or 11.5/12 (least I got something right)

W - 9, or 6.5/12
SV - 2, or 2/12
K - 123, or 10/12 (I'm loaded with SP's)
ERA - 4.00, or 3/12 (again, with the SP's)
WHIP - 1.35, or 2/12 (I'm w/ stupid --^)

So ya, a whopping 46 out of 120 possible fantasy points - making me 11th out of 12 teams in my league.


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