The Infamous Leeroy Jenkins

Had to post this for some Friday afternoon funnies.

I don't often admit it but from time to time I've been an MMO geek - was a 4 year level 65 Iksar Shadowknight in Everquest, an R5 Irekei Assassin in Shadowbane and a level 60 Orc Warrior in World of Warcraft, being the most recent. Well, peering back thru the old guild pages I ran across this story some time ago - and after being rehashed on the Maddenmania boards I felt obliged to post it for whoever visits the blog as well.

Basically, a raid group is about to enter the Father Flame fight in World of Warcraft, and as the group discusses their meticulous strategy a paladin by the name of Leeroy gets up mid-talk and charges into the battle alone. When he charges, he belts out a "LEEEEEEEEEEROYYYYYYYY JENNNNNNNNKINSSSSSSS!" and charges into the room. Freakin' hilarity.

Check it out here.

After the raid is wiped out they start cussing at Leeroy, and he replies with an "At least I have chicken."

Here's some spinoffs of the situation, be sure to watch the original video in that link before going onto the following sites.

http://leeroyjenkins.ytmnd.com/
http://leroyjenkins.ytmnd.com/
http://leeroy.ytmnd.com/

NBA Draft BLOWS!

Ok, I'm a lifelong Utah Jazz fan, I've never seen days like this, days where you finished with the 4th worst record in the league, no playoffs and the highlight of being a part of the lottery. I use to laugh at those teams that got so excited about the lottery.

That was until I knew the exact date, time and location of this years lottery, this was it, gonna grab Bogut or Chris Paul and get everyone back healthy to kick the shod out of the rest of the NorthWest Division that is slowly dying, with the exception of Denver. It was so clear, Sonics are gonna lose Ray Allen, TWolves gonna lose Garnett in an off-season trade, Portland is gonna lose one or two guy to the Penal System and Denver just can't handle the Jazz when they are healthy, AK47 slaps the hell out of Melo.

Then we got #7 and last years debacle of a season was a mirage.

How does a team with the 4th worst record get the 7th pick? Who the hell designed this system. Last years expansion team, EXPANSION! got only the 5th pick, thats a great way to build fan loyalty in Charlotte, an area that has already lost a team due to lack of fan interest.

WHA'HAPPENED!

Milwaukee got the first pick, followed by Atlanta (who coincidentally finished with only 12 wins and had been tanking it for Bogut since early January).

I'm expecting Bogut to go to the Bucks, Marvin Williams to the Hawks and Paul to whomever trades for the third pick, cause after 1 and 2, its a long way down, I don't care what anyone says. To me, no way you can compare Marvin even to Andrew Bogut, Bogut will grab 10 rebounds and drop 12-15 ppg from day one, no question, guy has been NBA ready for 2 years and has allegedly pack on an additional 10 lbs of mass to get to 255. Guy is a downright stud and if morals didn't hold me back, I'd have him impregnate my wife as to raise mini-Boguts to finance my future.


Anyways, as Chuck said, back to the gaming front. I've been somewhat obsessed with 3 things as of late, God of War (almost finished,) Splinter Cell Pandora Tomorrow (one mission to go then I am buying Chaos Theory) and MVP 2005 (in which I have started a season with the New Mets that are disturbingly similar to the old Mets that can't beat the Atlanta Braves).

i have a few days off, I have some NBA Playoffs recorded in HD on my DVR so I'm pretty much set to withdraw from humanity for the next two days.

And on a random thought, which this blog mainly is, what is with the talk of having to reserve an XBOX 360 6 months before release, do we really think Microsoft isn't going to have enough of these on launch day? Seriously, if these things aren't for sale in the subways of manhattan from an illegal Bill Gates cronie, I'll be shocked.

Reds 3 game streak!

Hot damn I was angry on Tuesday.

Well, whatever Graves being released meant to the Reds, we up and took 3 straight from the Nationals by capping off the 3-game series with a 12-3 offensive explosion. This is the Reds first 3-game sweep since our opening series against Pedro & the Mets - you know, back when we resembled a ball team if you watched closely. Felipe López is hot as hell, hitting safely in his last 7 games, Ryan Freel is coming off a 4-hit performance (think he got drunk after??), and William Bergolla picked up his first major-league RBI yesterday. Oh, and who wants to bet Elizardo Ramirez goes 7 tonight, 2 R, 5 H and picks up the victory?

Not me!

Anyway onto the video game front. Remember that deal about NBA Street being awesome? It still is, but I went to go online and I can't upload my baller into the game...I have to make a new one. Something about being 114-0 in my challenge mode just prohibits me morally from creating a new guy just to compete online with while Blockbuster calls me daily reminding me I need to give them their fucking game back. Also, it's amazing how annoying the commentary is after being turned off to the game by finding out you had to play another 100 or so games to get to where you were before logging online. Once spoiled and outright pissed off, I suddenly started hating that bastard voice-over.

My kill-boner from Halo 2 now grows by the day, and on this pace he's liable (my penis) to need an improved suit and battle rifle of his own by early next week. I've managed to rise from "wandering around aimlessly" to "dieing on my way to getting a good weapon" in just a week's time. Last week I sucked hardcore, started getting respectable and then laid off the game throughout the weekend to play NBA Street. When I returned to playing Monday night, I sucked again...hardcore, coincidentally. But at the end of last night I bordered on respectability - and even finished 2nd in a rumble pit slayer game with 21 kills where I led the majority of the match. Tonight will be the real test ~ a final blowout before I takeoff for Chicago this weekend.

Witness my sucktacular...ness

Ya but I dunno. Sometimes it's like taking candy from a baby and then shooting it with a rocket launcher, and others I can't help but eat hardcore murder. I joined up with the guys from Maddenmania (which is a boring link considering they haven't played any clan games) and ran with them for the first time last night, and if all goes well I'll get in some groups with those guys some so I can maybe figure out wtf I'm doing in an objective based game.

On a side note, I spellchecked this and didn't screw up one word that I didn't intentionally mean to.

Reds in Turmoil

Cincinnati Reds GM Dan O'Brien

Apparently we're heading down the path of what some would call "housecleaning", as the Cincinnati Reds have begun the season just a game ahead of the Houston Assholes at 16-28. If you follow baseball, you're aware that yesterday the Reds released 8-year veteran pitcher Danny Graves, our all-time saves leader and selfless community influence.

Before I blow too much smoke, I'm for Graves being moved. He's clearly struggled this year in getting people out, he's lost 4-6 mph off of his fastball and he's not bending over on his sinker and he's leaving it hanging up in the zone. What I do have a problem with is the Reds stating,

"It is about performance, and it is about contributing on the field through a prospective winning team. That is ultimately the gauge we have to use in situations like this. Unfortunately, relative to D'Ángelo and relative to Danny, the performance level was not where it needed to be."

Bullshit.

Here's the situation people - if the Reds don't want you in the organization, it doesn't matter what you do...you won't be here. Before I go and mention as to how Barry Larkin was ran out of Cincinnati and basically forced into retirement because of his desire to finish his career at home, let's look at another god awful pitching tragedy this year in Paul Wilson. For weeks the Reds have said "pitching mechanics", "in a funk" and "not being prepared" as to reasons why he sucks in 2005. Yesterday they performed an MRI on Wilson's shoulder...tendonitis. Nice.

Now let's go back to Graves. Your all-time saves leader, the guy who volunteered to be moved to a starting pitcher when it was clear the Reds had none and had another available closer to fill the role. His name is on several little league ballparks across the tri-state region because of his dedication to the community, and he's one of the most loyal Reds as far as team contributions and a very noted personality in the clubhouse. To say this is a "baseball decision" is bullshit, it's because the Reds found an easy way out when Carl Lindner decided he didn't like "the bird" that was flown as Danny Graves left the field Sunday versus the Cleveland Indians. The next morning after the flight of said bird, Graves called the Reds front office asking to issue a public apology on his actions, but instead was treated to the news that he would no longer be a part of the team that afternoon.

Talk about having your head chopped off.

Here's a thought - what's worse: flipping off a fan on your way off the field or a DUI? Ryan Freel was convicted of driving under the influence after opening day this season, not only did he not have a fine or get suspended - but it was announced that the Reds were committed to helping him. Now all of sudden Graves responds to booing fans and he's gone?

The truth? If Danny Graves is 15/15 this season in converting saves, he could walk off the field, smack a small child, mushroom stamp your wife in the audience and then drop his pants to give ler the full moon - and even spreading his cheeks for ya for maximum effect.

I mean, phase him out - do something to at least show some sort of respect for the fans or his teammates. If you lose that much off of your fastball, something's wrong. Partial cuff tear? Tendonitis? Off the juice? There's something wrong, and if the Reds wanted to find it they would have. However, they let the fans make the decision to get rid of Graves, and basically what that has done is gave the fans more power to influence the next decision. Had C Jason LaRue not had 3 hits last night, he would've likely heard the boo's until he was ready to snap himself.

That brings me to a side thought - if you're going to pay your money to watch a ballgame you have every right to boo whoever the hell you want to. The kicker is - don't be surprised when the ballplayer gives it back in whatever form it may come.

Again, losing Graves and previously D'Ángelo Jiménez was needed, I support that. However, to say that releasing Danny Graves is a "baseball decision" is a steaming, stinking pile of bullshit and it's ultimately beginning to spiral down a path to where the fans and the media depict the front office managing of the players.

Addicted to Splinter Cell

I know, the game has been out over a year, it even has a new sequel (Chaos Theory) but all I have the desire to do lately in my spare time is play Pandora Tomorrow. What a great azz game.

I know I've probably been playing too much. I was walking home from the train the other night, and I usually cut through this back alley which is dimly lit, I started thinking "If I just took these two lights out, noone could ever see me and would have no idea I'm here". I remember a similar occurence when GTA:SA came out, that I would be walking through manhattan and see a car I particularly liked and thought about just pulling the dude out, beating him, quipping something like "Outta my way Beyatch" or "You wanna die or just gimme the car?" driving off in it.

Maybe its a sign I need to balance my force so I don't turn to the dark side, ok, that was the first and last star wars reference I'll make here, but I can't promise that.

My wife loves that I can pull this manuever off in real-life

In other news, if you are a big fan of Napoleon Dynamite (and if you're not GEEZ, You're an IDIOT!) check this out, you won't be disappointed.

DO YOU THINK I GOT THIS WAY BY DRESSING LIKE PETER PAN OVER HERE?

NBA Street V3

Since scheduling conflicts made attending E3 a pipedream this year, I've spent the last week dedicating my gaming life to NBA Street V3 on the recently acquired Xbox. I had never played an NBA Street game despite their success in the previous 2 installments, however I was an NFL Street junky when that was released in January of last year so I kind of had the jist of what I was getting myself into.

NBA Street follows basically about the same format as the NFL game I was familiar with, it's an outlandish, arcadey-style representation of the real thing - and its hella fun. The first night I had it was a drunken night while the wife was out of town and the boys were over to get loud and spout shit - this game was a perfect accommodation to that. Being it was 3 on 3 basketball with 3 of us there, it was only natural that we eventually all joined up on the same squad to start taking over as the kings of the court. Only problem was, there's absolutely no game mode for the 3 of us to play other than exhibition games. Despite the limited options in that respect (and being unable to understand why their wouldn't be), we still played this until 4 in the morning with the same intensity as we started out with.

The game has several modes to choose from. For gameplay you can choose to go in an Exhibition game, the Street Challenge or enter yourself in a Slam Dunk Competition. All 3 play out how you'd expect, and for those frustrated by the difficulty of dunking in NBA Live '05 (I sure as hell was), dunking is much easier in Street. You have several ways to start out your dunk by combining various turbo buttons with your passing button, then catching the ball midair while twitching the "trick stick" (right analog stick on Xbox controllers) to do a variety of dunking moves (windmills, behind the back, under the leg, etc.). The challenge mode prompts you to create your own baller which isn't done too poorly (no Tiger Woods detail, but respectable), and you choose 2 teammates to begin your run thru the challenge. As you win games - I do because I play the easiest difficulty - you gain respect, and increased respect gets you into new venues around the states (including 1 in London).

As you roll thru earning respect, you begin playing against NBA baller-led teams and competing in a bevy of events. You'll have the option to choose what type of game you want to play, whether be a game to 21, game to 12 (dunks only), game to 7, game that only involves trick points whether it be to 250k, 500k or 750k, a 4-team tournament or a slam dunk competition. When my respect got up to a certain point, I was invited to play for the Toronto Raptors - so now I compete with my handpicked team and on certain days I'm required to play a league game - just a huge amount of directions to go once inside the challenge. One of the steps necessary to begin the challenge is to create your own home court, and during the season you have the ability to add items to it and differentiate the landscape to whatever suits your interests - just a real enjoyable mode to play.

Needless to say, I already have my team set up the only way I know how - and that's letting the homer in me put it together. I start out as the G (made myself 6'4 - 205), then I have Jimmy Jackson, Michael Redd, Derek Anderson and Rasheed Wallace. Only reason I still have 'Sheed is because I haven't had a game against Kenyon Martin yet to unlock him, and the only reason I have that traitorous bastard Anderson is because I haven't seen LeBron James or a Danny Fortson, Ruben Patterson, Nick Van Exel or any other player from OSU/UC that I could pick up in his place (LeBron was soooo OSU bound). All in all, the key factor here is you get to basically run a team with whomever you want, which is awesome - I alternate between Jackson & Redd, but I don't dare take out 'Sheed because the man blocks at least 7 shots a game.

The gameplay is pretty deep - but I say this because I haven't learned all the combinations/tricks that you can do yet. In the NFL game I could do everything by the time I finished the challenge, however in this game's case there's still a large amount of things I'm yet to do. While reading the instruction booklet or consulting an online faqs may help me to achieve those dilemmas, I'm far from being a sensible-enough person to do so, and there's just no time for reasonable solutions right now - what with the starving pygmies in New Guinea and midgets dieing over in Cambodia in wrestling matches with lions. The basic controls are fairly easy to pick up, and from there you can basically get away with just trying new moves/button combinations as you go along...and be pleased with the results. The great thing is that you're definitely able to elevate your game above other people's, and that's where the ability to take your skills online comes in handy (which I haven't done).

I'll go online when my guy is 99's across the board, you know, that attitude.

The other day when my friend brought over the Xbox I didn't know these games would suddenly dominate my life. Turns out over at Gamespot that Street got a 9.1, Top Spin got a 9.1 and then the mother-of-all games Halo 2 was the third game. I haven't reconnected the PS2 auxiliary cables since ~

E3 reveals I won't have any cash in the next year

Here it is folks, the PS3:

Ok, looks good but what the hell is that little boomerang thing? I swear I saw one of those in the windows of the multitude of porn shops here in Manhattan. Anyhoo, its wireless which is cool, its silver black or white (how creative, give me colors! I want an orange PS3!) and its gonna be priced near $500 bones. FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!

You know what? I'm gonna buy it anyways, its sad and I'm probably gonna spend my limited spare time with XBOX 360 as well. Since when did we have to get a loan to play video games? Still, the $450 or 500 price tag isn't that much of a jump, I think back in the day the PS and Saturn were what, 200? Then PS2 came out at 300, so you can expect it to go to 400 now.

Oh well, at least I have a hefty tax refund to fall back on, not sure what people down in the dust are going to do, hope bloodshed doesn't ensue. I can picture a Johnny vs Daniel LaRusso battle for the last PS3 on the shelves come spring 2006, its gonna get ugly. Wax on Wax off.

GET HIM A BODY BAG!

Twins MVP '05 covers

As per request of like 2 months ago (I suck at free time) ~

Top Spin Tennis (Xbox)

I finally busted my Xbox cherry this weekend, as a friend of mine insisted he doesn't play it often enough to warrant keeping it hooked up at his house (it was actually still in a backpack). We hooked it up in my living room because my wife is in Seattle until Wednesday, and inevitably Saturday night I ended up playing NBA Street V3, Top Spin & Halo 2 until 5am Sunday morning along with him and my younger brother.

If anything else be sure to click the pic to your left and get a good look, that way the next time you play against a female voice on Xbox Live, you have a nice visual to accompany it.

If only I had an audio link of what was going on that night - I'm sure everyone and their brother would've been offended in some form or fashion (mostly because of our language and shit-talk, but other than that my buddy had on a pink polo shirt that didn't sit well with our Midwestern asses).

Anyway, quick review - Top Spin. This game is the best tennis game I've played since Tennis for Nintendo (albeit it's coincidentally the ONLY tennis game I've played since the aforementioned). Great graphics, every imaginable feature, and great gameplay makes this game a great time despite being a fan of the sport or not.

You can play men's or women's, singles or doubles (no mixed), you can create a custom tournament, play an exhibition or begin your own career that you can use in versus mode. Finally, you can take it online, and as soon as someone sends me a 2-month free Live subscription I'm getting online to see if anyone is still around to play against me (think I have one in my email now as we spea - type).

I created my tennis player which I might add looks nothing like me (looks nothing like Anna either, just a gratuitous game shot to the right) - so if there's a knock on the game it's that I painstakingly created myself on Tiger Woods 2 years in a row, but can't even scratch a lardass on matching it in TS. Off the bat you have a choice of sponsors from Prince, Adidas, Wilson, something else and Oakley - I went Oakley - and each sponsor has a set of challenges for you to complete for money and more items for your sports bag. As you progress from rookie to young gun to pro to legend, different challenges open up for you to earn money in. In each nation there's a coach that advances your skills in certain areas of your game from serve, forehand, backhand and volley, and each have a minor tournament for you to enter. I've won both of my entry tournaments so far, and as a result I've had enough to build my avatar up more so then the competition I'm facing currently. That's as far as I've went, so I'm sure I'll mention that again at some point.

You'd think I'd get on here and review NBA Street V3 being as it's a new game (not 2 years old), but nope, I've had that pic of Anna Kournikova in my folder since that game was introduced and I was just dieing to share it. I'll get on the Street game later in the week, but for now I gotta get home and get shot up in Halo 2 ~

BOOM! Are you a Dog or a Cat?

Here are the highlights from a great IGN Article about the upcoming Madden 06:

First up, Superstar mode, looks to me like a carbon copy of the NCAA Heisman mode, here are the highlights:

Ever wondered what it would be like to get under the helmet of a college all star and try to make it in the pro game? The agents, the endorsements, the scouts, the workouts, the fans who cheer your every touchdown but are nowhere to be found when you suffer that career ending injury.

Madden NFL 06 is about to show you those highs and lows of what it's like to be a polygonal playmaker.

This is NFL Superstar mode, the biggest addition to the Madden single-player experience since the introduction of Franchise, and a mode that will give gamers a taste of what it's like to be an NFL star.

Nature vs. nurture is a question for the ages, and in Madden, creating your superstar encompasses both aspects. It all starts with your parents DNA, including IQ scores, hobbies (dad's into karaoke, mom loves antiques), and careers (dad's an actor, mom's a corporate exec). Don't like what you get, how about pressing a button and selecting a new set of parents.

If only it was that easy.

From there, you sculpt your body, find an apartment, sign with an agent, and yes, sit down and take a test that closely resembles the famous Wonderlic test given to the NFL prospects.

Are you a dog or a cat? Do you like obscene jokes?

This is an actual timed test in the game, and your answers will influence your draft position.

And this is only the beginning.

Your Superstar journey will take you from the draft to the NFL field to even Hollywood. There is so much to Superstar mode that this is really just a teaser of what to expect as EA Sports doesn't want to give too much away about the mode this early in development

Whatever, I only want to play with the right players on the right teams in the right weeks, I know, I'm nuts, but dammit, thats the way I want it, it seems gaming is going away from reality, who knows, maybe I need to try it out.

ADAPTIVE AI: I love this! I swear EA use to put this in games WAY back in the day, I remember seeing this as a feature as far back as Genesis Madden, Here goes:

There are plenty of other new features in Madden that we can talk more in-depth about. The first of these is Adaptive AI, where the defense doesn't simply adjust if you call the same plays, but the same routes. For example: In past games, if you played as the Falcons and the Price Option was your money play where you liked to hit Alge Crumpler across the middle in the post, by the third time you called it, the defensive would see it coming and swat down the pass. They knew your play and adjusted to it. But if you went through your playbook and in the same formation found Crumpler running that exact post pattern but from a different play (SE Post Flag), he would be wide open again.

Same route, different play.

It was a clever yet simple way to manipulate your game plan and take advantage of the defense. But that's where Adaptive AI comes into play for 06. The defense will now sniff out that you like to throw the post to your big tight end, so it doesn't matter how you try to mask it through different play calls or formations. If you keep calling the post, the defense will now adjust, even playing to the shoulder you like to lob the ball to.

MORE DEFENSIVE ASSIGNMENTS: Hopefully you can do whatever you want against whomever, because ESPN NFL kicked the shit out of Madden in this regard, here are the details:

Pre-snap on defense, you can click down the right analog stick to see specific player assignments, you can shade safeties in directions other than simply to the right or left, charging them both up the middle to support against the run. There are even new ways to disguise your defensive coverages as you can now send your defensive backs to follow receivers in motion even when you are playing zone. And once the ball is snapped you can quickly adjust your defense by calling out to your teammates whether it looks like a run or a pass by simultaneously pressing L2 and the right analog stick.

NEW QB FAKE MOVE: The screen actually moves, Damn, my old reflexes will not allow for this! I will be 30 by the time Madden 06 releases, can I do this? Hopefully

But the improvements aren't limited to the defensive side of the ball. Quarterbacks will have a fake snap button that slightly moves the screen back to attempt to draw the defense offsides. You can call offensive line audibles to slide your protection, spreading out or pinching the line to stop nano blitzes. The offense will in turn be rewarded for their improved protection as man coverage will inevitably get worse and start to break down the longer the play lasts and the more cuts the receiver makes in the open field.

NEW WR ROUTES: Sounds ok, doesn't make much sense yet, gotta see it in action:

In terms of the passing game, receivers will now run smarter hot routes. When you select your receiver for the hot route and hold down on the D-pad, the receiver will run the desired route, but he'll run it so that he's just past the first down line or into the end zone (when in the red zone). This can work to either extend or shorten the route to reach the desired spot on the field. And when making the catch, there are even new aggressive catch animations where the receiver will screen the defense and come back to get the ball. In addition, there are 35 new offensive formations to help you spread the ball around, including new split receiver sets.

Last but not least THE TRUCK STICK: Oh boy, another novelty, but it doesn't sound too bad, can't wait to maul with Brian Westbrook

And once you have the ball, forget the Hit Stick, this year it's all about the Truck Stick. That's right, Truck, not Trick, as in "I'm about to run you over and leave footprints on your helmet if you don't get out of my way". Hand the ball to TJ Duckett this year, and forget the juke, press up on the right analog stick to attempt to lower your shoulder and run over the defender, knocking bodies to the side as you keep rumbling down the field. Obviously, Warrick Dunn would be better off using speed than the Truck Stick, as if Dunn tries to run over someone like Ray Lewis, Dunn might be seeing stars, and I'm not talking about Ron Mexico, I'm talking knocked out, laying flat on the turf, another victim of the Hit Stick. One move Dunn will be able to take advantage of though, is the quick back juke runners can now take by pressing down on the right analog stick. This way, the big backs can run over defenders, and the smaller backs can hop back and run around them. Just don't hand the ball to the same back all game long this year or progressive fatigue will set in, causing players to tire over the course of a game. Gone are the days of Ahman Green carrying the ball 50 times and still being fresh in the fourth. Players will even see their overall ratings start to slip when their energy dips.

TRUCKIN'!!

NEW ONLINE MODES: Where are the leagues dammit!

In terms of online play for the PS2 and Xbox, you will now be able to join online clubs where you can meet in your own private room to chat, play, and compete. Private leader boards will even keep track of who is the best player in your crew as you can trigger rivalries that are auto tracked by playing against a particular opponent seven times in seven days. Each club can form 10 rivalries, battling for trophies that reset every week. And while each club starts with only five members, through participation, club activity, and wins, you can open up new slots for people to join, eventually reaching up to 100 members if desired.
When it comes to finding opponents, you'll see a five star rating system that looks similar to eBay in terms of tracking positive and negative feedback from opponents. Your EA Rep info is tracked and displayed for everyone to see. You'll also be able to build and maintain your level for future games, so if you have an impeccable rep in Madden 06, it will carry over for 07. This will also help in EA's new matchmaking system which promises to find another player of the same skill and rep instantly, although you'll also have the option to search chat rooms or find opponents by level, club, or even country

This one is HUGE: ONLINE ROSTER STORAGE! You can just log on, see my profile and download rosters from me directly if you don't have a sharkport or are just f'n tired of blue disc errors! AWESOME! Hopefully this means using custom rosters online a la MVP 2005.

But the feature that will turn the most heads is the new EA Sports locker, a virtual online locker where you can actually store files, from replays to rosters and even franchises. You can then share these files with friends or backup those crucial files you don't want erased. Think of it as an online memory card that that you can make accessible to friends, swapping replays and highlights to future or past opponents, as polygonal pictures speak 1,000 words of smack, and that's the truth. No better way to taunt then to send someone to a saved replay of the time you high-stepped down the sideline or made Favre twitch on the frozen tundra.

Can't wait for Madden this year for some reason, usually I'm like this for NCAA or NBA Live, also, I can't wait to get my xbox 360, which is a must with next gen Madden on the horizon. I won't even hold that MTV Special unveiling debacle against them, what a cluster-Eff that was.


Oh yeah, and to answer the final question, I'm most definitely a dog, a dog with huge balls.

Pared's MVP '05 sliders

I've been dabbling back in MVP '05 for the last 2 nights, all in a grand attempt to rid myself of my murderous rage from excessive God of War. I didn't necessarily need a break from it, but I've really been jonesing for some baseball since the Reds decided to break that 9-game losing skid. Now don't get me wrong, blowing the 5-1 deficit against the Padres in game #1 of the series pissed me right the hell off, but winning last night made it all worth while again. Hey, game #3 tonight - and that's worth bragging rights with Teebee at least until our next west coast trip.

Anyway, I went to Operation Sports to get a slider fix being as I haven't seen any on MM or MVPMania, and I found 2 familiar slider-gurus with long threads posted in Jistic and Pared. I decided to try out Pared's first (Jistic had a totally offensive set for NCAA Football '05 and that just rubbed me wrong), and my results have ended up reminding me why I play sports games - they're great. I did a 3-game homestand against the Nationals, a 3-game series in Houston and I've played 1 game at Wrigley so far. Here's the Washington results if you're interested:

Game #1
WAS - 3 - 6 - 0
CIN - 4 - 11- 3

Washington Notes:
J. Guillen - 1-5, 2 RBI
2B - B. Wilkerson, V. Castilla
HR - J. Guillen
SB - E. Chavez
CS - T. Sledge

Livan Hernandez - 6 IP, 4 H, 3 R, 1 BB, 7 K

Cincinnati Notes:
K. Griffey - 3-5, 3 R, 3 RBI
A. Dunn - 2-5
2B - A. Kearns
HR - K. Griffey (2)
E - F. Lopez, J. Randa, W. Pena
CS - D. Jimenez

E. Milton - 7 IP, 3 H, 3 R (1 ER), 1 BB, 1 K

• Milton pitched great for me, but I gave up 2 early runs as a result of getting used to the -50 User Pitch Control. I like the setting, but you're left with a sliver of green to get maximum effectiveness, and starting out it was really difficult.


• I should've had only 2 errors this game, as Pena just bobbled a ground ball in RF and was charged with an error despite no runners advancing.


• I picked Sledge off of first base with Ben Weber - he was just daydreaming or something.

Game #2
WAS - 3 - 8 - 0
CIN - 5 - 9 - 0

Washington Notes:
N. Johnson - 2-4, RBI
2B - V. Castilla, N. Johnson, T. Armas Jr.
HR - B. Wilkerson, J. Vidro
SB - C. Guzman

T. Armas Jr. - 4 IP, 7 H, 5 R, 5 BB, 1 K

Cincinnati Notes:
S. Casey - 2-3, R, 3 RBI
J. LaRue - 2-4
2B - K. Griffey, S. Casey (2), P. Wilson
CS - F. Lopez

P. Wilson - 6 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 7 K

• I managed to rock Armas on the mound, and he went thru a stretch in the 3rd inning where he couldn't buy a strike. I was hoping at that point it wasn't a continuing trait of these sliders, and after completing 7 games now I can tell you it was purely coincidental.


• Still can't buy a stolen base, then again I'm playing with the Reds and the only threat I have is Ryan Freel, who I really only start against left-handers.

Game #3
WAS - 9 - 16 - 1
CIN - 3 - 8 - 1

Washington Notes:
B. Wilkerson - 3-5, 3 R, 2 RBI
2B - J. Guillen, E. Chavez
HR - B. Wilkerson, J. Vidro, V. Castilla
E - J. Vidro
CS - C. Guzman

Z. Day - 7.1 IP, 6 H, 3 R, 2 BB, 5 K

Cincinnati Notes:
K. Griffey - 2-4, R
HR - A. Kearns
E - S. Casey
CS - F. Lopez, R. Freel

A. Harang - 5 IP, 9 H, 5 R, 7 K

• I just got flat out freakin' whipped in this game. I couldn't buy an out with reliever Ben Weber (hey, I like his wind-up), I think the 6th inning just went on forever.


• Griffey is just tearing it up - hopefully when hell freezes over and Teebee sends me my rosters I can start my dynasty and see what he can do from there.

I'm out, round #2 of the Ohio Division 1 high school baseball tournament tonight. Win we play Friday - lose and we're done.

Madden Next-Generation, coming incredibly soon

Reading various gaming sites, I've come across a story on gamercentric.com that pretty much announces that Madden 06, thats right, this year's Madden, will be available on XBOX 360. HOLY CRAP! Seems like yesterday I was watching a plethora of Madden 2001 videos on company time, downloading every video I could think of.

Just thinking about the progression graphically and gameplay/roster wise makes me have to adjust my fly.

Back when I was dreaming of Madden 2001, I was busy playing what I thought was a great looking game :

I use to play the hell out of Madden and not once did I worry about the wrong colored socks or wrong looking facemasks? Why? Because dammit, all the players looked like pixelated gorillas and you couldn't even make out either the different facemasks or shoelaces!

I ordered and paid for Madden 2001 about 8 months before PS2 even was released, whice resulted in receiving the game about a week and a half before I even had the system. I swear, I become somewhat of a freak staring at the blue game disc and cover pics, just waiting for my PS2. Coincidentally, I wasn't willing to sleep out all night to get my PS2, I paid this asian kid I worked with an extra 50 bucks for one of the 3 he secured on release night, come on, I'm not gonna be one of those Star Wars/Harry Potter-sleep out all night in a costume kinda people, no matter what.

Once I got the game, it was on, suddenly, we had muscle definition, breath out of the helmets and shoelaces/helmets:

Now, we have even better than the current generation, will we actually smell Donovan's vomit? Will we smell the sweaty chicken-soup armpits of offensive lineman? I don't know about that but the first screen pics we have are amazing, and this is coming in November. Luckily I have some tax refund money set aside that I can blow on the new system, November 2005, Next Gen Madden time, see ya online.

Buckeyes NCAA '06 covers

Remember how I said it'd take a few days after getting NCAA Football '06 to get a new cover made up? I lied...

(click to enlarge)

A few notes:

- Yes, I hate the plain, white background. I'll do covers with them cut-out eventually.

- The exact template does not match. The "Race For the Heisman" box will vary on the real cover. I'll match up to that eventually (maybe) if I like it, for now I like these as-is.

- I don't do covers off of 120x120 jpeg's. If you have a high-res pic and would like it on the cover in some shape, form or fashion, email it to me and I'll do what I can.

God of W....err, NHL '06 (err '05)

Two days after EA dropped the Michigan bomb on me with NCAA Football 2006, they took baby-steps towards getting back on my good side with the announcement of Tampa Bay C Vincent LeCavalier as their coverman for NHL '06.

Story Link

First know - I'm an EA fanboy. I live and die with each installment of the sports that entertain me, and even then I occasionally latch onto NBA titles that I think are fun to play. I never picked up NHL 2K3 due to a long battle with the MMO scene (damn EQ), and then as that would have it I never continued buying the franchise all the way up to now when EA sends me their sports games for free (even though 2K5 is $20...hey, I might go pick that up now!). I guess I'm just insanely ignorant to the apparent glaring fact that Sega is winning the "Puck Wars" with EA at this time.

I personally thought NHL '05 was a lot of fun. Fir.. - well, Second know - I'm a stick skills type of guy. You know the type - dude is crazy sick at Madden, but couldn't tell you the first freakin' thing about a gameplan. They play the 4-4 Mad Robber defense in NCAA and use the FS to bat down every lob pass that goes up with supreme video game ability - well, I'm kind of a hybrid. I have really good player control, and on games like NCAA Football and MVP Baseball I have the knowledge to combine with the stick skills to be elite. On NHL however, the tutorials about offense and defense is usually helpful info - whereas Herbstreit explaining the option to me is like my boss trying to teach me that 7 comes after 6 numerically, it's ridiculous.

Third know (staying with theme here), I'm not a hockey idiot, but any maple-syrup drinking Canadian could take me to task with gameplans - so I kind of compete at a slightly above average level because of being able to skate around people and make them look bad thru my game control. That said, NHL '05 really just kinda sucks - I mean, the defense is ridiculous. Setting up an offense is insanely hard - forwards don't enter the zone until a few seconds after you carry the puck in, and by then the defense has already ran at you 100 mph and knocked your ass down. You can succeed in this game by simply firing slapshot after slapshot because you're bound to get 3 or 4 by the goalie without a lot of offensive skill - and all this is done by weaving through the neutral zone and firing a shot off before anyone's remotely close to rebound.

The season features suck because there's no alternative - if you get a team like the Blackhawks and the objective is to rebuild, not meeting the objective in 2 years will get you fired.

"You won the Western Conference you say? Tough shit, you didn't get us the #1 draft pick...see ya. "

If I want to get on and run a dynasty with the Bluejackets I have to meet whatever the game-made objectives are - it's just pretty cheesey. Offseason mode is attrocious - a draft pops up, and right after that you go into free agency. If you have the money you can ideally buy every free agent you want, because entertaining offers from other teams is clearly not a negotiating factor of AI-controlled free agents. If you give more money, they're yours. It's basically just a rushed product put out to get a market share - it's just not exciting enough to curb my enthusiasm for hockey without the excitement of it being played on television.

Well, here I am walking thru the halls of work imagining myself as Kratos, slashing my way to the God of War - and somehow I end up coming on here and ranting about how pissed I was back in August '04 when I was playing EA's latest hockey game. Oh well. My younger brother called me the other day saying he had the game and had finished it, and I finally got around to snatch it up last night. All I can say right now is that my nipples are still glass-cuttingly hard from the 2 hours I got to spend with it last night.

Cocoon at the ballpark

I had thursday off from work so I decided to celebrate Cinco de Mayo at the old ballyard, a TeeBee tradition, so I rose at the crack of noon, picked out which TShirt to wear and hit the road. Jumped on the R train to Roosevelt and then transferred to the infamous John Rocker Express (7 train to Shea) and was at the ballpark in less than 25 minutes. Epic. Perfect day or so I thought.

I grabbed my ticket, checked out my seat, right behind home plate for 15 bucks, can't beat the cheap ass Mets tickets (especially compared to overpriced Yankees Stadium where you are somehow paying for the next great Taiwanese import George is gonna bring in to not help the team but at least get them a new foriegn TV contract). But I digress, it all seemed to lead into a perfect day. Then the Blue hairs rolled in.

First a cranky couple, wearing those old school glasses, you know , the ones you wore in shop class when you were learning to use the spot welder. They rolled in complaining about the wind and the train, blah blah, but they were far enough away from me that the didn't bother me too much. Apparantly, hot dogs and beers have a fountain of youth effect as I was soon amidst a full busload of retirees and soon to be worm-munch as far as the eye could see. I have expected to see Don Ameche spinning on his head in the aisles and Steve Guttenberg working his hijinks and antics selling foot longs and metamucil.

I was kind of freaking out, ready to go find a new seat, when this old guy sat next to me, just me and him. Didn't catch his name, just started talking hardball with the guy, he knew as much as me about every single player, what pitches they threw, what they should be doing, everything. He definitely had been swimming in that pool with all the weird cocoon/pods in them.

Morty(let's call him Morty) told me about the old Brooklyn Dodgers and a guy named Billy Cox, the best damned third baseman in the history of the game, he told me about Koufax, about how they use to just stand outside the batters box to Intentionally walk guys ("What they do now is Little League shit"), and how some guy named Peter Reiser(Reezer) was the best friggin ballplayer in the Majors and was going to duplicate Teddy Ballgames .406 in 1942 until he cracked his skull on the concrete outfield wall.

REEEEEZER!

Overall, it was a sweet ass day, Piazza went 4 for 5 with a big 3 run jimmy jack in the 8th, got another 3run shot from my fantasy shortstop Jimmy Rollins in the 9th (fantasy meaning fantasy team, not "i wanna watch Jimmy give it to my wife while i watch" fantasy) and got home in time to play some MVP/Splinter Cell 2. Solid day, solid day.

NCAA 2006 cover athlete announced...

Today, EA Sports announced the cover athlete for it's 2006 version of the NCAA Football series. Sadly, I'm going to have to utilize this cover for at least 3 days until I find a suitable photoshop template and can put a more exciting past Heisman trophy winner over top of it in Eddie George.

Story link

Any news to me about the newest edition of college football is music to my ears (or, "porn to my eyes" I guess would work for online information), but becoming a veteran of analyzing and reviewing games year-to-year has me caught up in the way the game is again being billed:

"With all new features, redesigned graphics and improved gameplay, NCAA Football 06 continues to be the most authentic and realistic college football gaming experience."

Notice every game is billed with "new features", always starting off with crap about "new features". I'm tired of "new features" - tell me you've taken out the 2 glitches that has made random matchups online impossible over the last 2 years. Tell me I don't have to worry about someone analog blitzing an OLB around my T faster then he can stand up every snap. Tell me I'm not going to put up 300 yards on offense and lose in the last minute of the game on 2 consecutive hail mary's that ran the QB's daily numbers up to 3-12, 126 yards and 2 TD's/4 INT's.

All of the feature additions in the world do not amount to diddly-shit if they don't work correctly (player discipline) or fail to help solve a continuing problem. EA, year after year you're addressing the wrong areas - there's a reason people flock to Madden EVERY year after a month of NCAA, and it's not because it's a superior game.

Hoorah, the Yearly event has already happened.

It is here, treat it like Channukah, Hannukah, Kwanza or even the rarest of Scientologist Holidays "Cruise Day". Sean Burroughs has gone deep! I know , I know, this doesn't occur often but when it does it's like Xmas in SoCal, white and mexican children running hand-in-hand, Cats and Dogs living together. Basically complete chaos.

I know, to the average fan, this is not a big deal, but to Padres fans, it is a prediction of Nostradomic value, you just know he's going to go deep, whether on a trip to Coors or Milwaukee as in years past, you just don't know when its going to happen. This once-pudgy Little League heartthrob is potentially one of the best contact/singles hitter in the MLB's, but is that enough for us? No, for some inane reason we are obsessed with penis size and the long ball, you can never have enough.

So while most of us are hidden in the bathroom pumping away, Sean is obsessed with the longball instead of doing what he does best : Just Hit. This guy could rack up 250 hits if he ever just got one vote of confidence from management. Instead, they put him at SS, they bat him 8th then leadoff the next day. Its only a matter of time before he is moved and the more powerful but less consistent Xavier Nady takes his spot.

Sorry I haven't been around folks, been starting the new job at mlb.com/milb.com and finishing up my MVP 2005 rosters the past week (which kick ass, get them at www.geekrosters.com). All minor leaguers, all minor league teams have full lineups, pitching rotations and are the best thing since a Sean Burroughs HR on a Saturday Night.

Peace.

Unbefreakinlievable

Just when you thought it was safe to give Dmitri Young a start at 1B in your fantasy league...

Todd Helton: 3-4, R, HR, 2 RBI

oh...and Dmitri Young missed last night because of an extended bout with the flu.

My crappy rotisserie teams

Wanna know why all 4 of my Yahoo! fantasy teams suck? It’s because I took the time to pre-rank all my players. That's right; I pre-rank my players for these leagues. Not only do I pre-rank the top #25 or so, this year I pre-ranked 203 players with OF Barry Bonds being #203 (some of you have undoubtedly assumed why my teams suck already I'm sure).

The other people in this league? Nada.

Out of the traditional 12 teams they throw in the league, I appear to be the only person out of those that bothered pre-ranking, and thus have received many of the same players on all 4 of my teams. My first pick in every league was Todd Helton (ranked #5 by me), then Gary Sheffield (#14), Roy Oswalt (#23), Ben Sheets (#24), Corey Patterson (#39), Carlos Lee (#41), Mark Buehrle (#96), Jason Kendall (#115), Chase Utley (#131), and Mike Cuddyer (#193). Now while I went to the extent of ranking these players based on their 5x5 fantasy merits and researched what they may do this year (with help from ESPN.com and my TSN subscription), everyone else just left the pre-rankings as they were or at most - took a few injured players out and then moved up a few hometown heroes. You know, like the one guy who's always in your league called "The Bronx_Bomberz" and has 7 Yankees on his team.

Ya, that guy.

Well, sadly, that guy is beating my ass.

Todd Helton, who prior to April of 2005, had went 14 consecutive months of hitting better than .300 - this past month he hit a blistering .266 with 1 HR and 9 RBI's. Ben Sheets currently has a viral infection that has caused him to miss 3 consecutive starts spanning over the past 2 weeks, and as of Saturday was placed on the 15-day DL. My breakout player Corey Patterson is very average considering I drafted him higher than Ritchie Sexton and Derrick Lee (.283, 5 HR 10 RBI, 1 SB), Carlos Lee blows (.214, 3 HR 15 RBI, 1 SB), and C Jason Kendall no longer can do the one thing he's always done in hit for average (.247).

Curt Schilling? DL.
Lance Berkman? DL.
Khalil Greene? DL.
Bobby Crosby? DL.

Seriously, it's enough to make a grown man cry (if by "grown man" I mean "me" and by "cry" I mean "say every swear word you know while editing your daily lineup").

Some other reaches I came up with was Chase Utley, who has received half the at-bats as everyone else on my roster (despite hitting .308 w/ 3 HR's and 9 RBI's), and my quality utility man in Mark Cuddyer (1B, 2B, 3B, OF - playable) is hitting .211 with 1 HR and 6 RBI's. Bad move on my part? I guess, but who else thought that last year's .263, 12 HR season was a breakout situation as well?

Oh, and apparently I didn't rank relievers as high as I needed to, as I don't have anything on any team except for the one I invite all my friends into that rarely check it (like Teebee, the ever-absent other poster in this blog). In my first league I have Akinori Otsuka and Juan Rincón, second I have Scot Shields and Shingo Takatsu, third I have LaTroy Hawkins and Tim Worrell, and finally in my friend league I pulled Hawkins and Chad Cordero. Due to lack of participation in the friend league, I snatched up Brandon Lyon and Miguel Batista - but that really doesn't mean shit when I'm ranked last in every offensive category in the league.

I've done my spiel, lemme give an example of how bad it is before I'm out ~

Cripples Bend
Runs - 76, or 4 points out of 12
HR - 11, or 1/12
RBI - 59, or 1/12
SB - 11, or 5/12
AVG - .290, or 11.5/12 (least I got something right)

W - 9, or 6.5/12
SV - 2, or 2/12
K - 123, or 10/12 (I'm loaded with SP's)
ERA - 4.00, or 3/12 (again, with the SP's)
WHIP - 1.35, or 2/12 (I'm w/ stupid --^)

So ya, a whopping 46 out of 120 possible fantasy points - making me 11th out of 12 teams in my league.