Who cares about Barry Bonds?

“Barry Bonds takes batting practice at UCLA” reported ESPN.com today. Jayson Stark of ESPN.com reported that Barry has been taking swings for two days at the UCLA campus. “Him taking swings…is just another step in his rehab,” stated Giants GM Brian Sabean.

Mr. Stark also felt it was important to let everyone know that no coaches or players from UCLA were involved because the Gestapo running the NCAA might suspend the entire state of California for violating rule 123.C.45r.e23.horseshit of the NCAA Imaginary Criminal Code.

In other news, Tom Dipstick reports that he saw Mr. Bonds “taking a shit” right after lunch. “[Barry] has come a long way. He now has enough flexibility in his obliques and abs that he can push out a two-pound-deuce,” replied renowned Angels Orthopedist Dr. Lewis Yocum.

Seriously, is baseball so desperate for the least liked superstar of the last 20 years that they report on batting practice sessions? Is anyone else sick of hearing about Barry Bonds? Until I see him sitting in an on-deck circle, I don’t want to hear one word about him. I don’t care if he breaks his leg, dies in a car wreck, or plays for a AAA team…I don’t want to read about it.

The article, also states that last week, “Bonds began sprinting and cutting at the UCLA track.” Cutting? In Baseball? Yeah, I remember when Barry crossed up Andrew Jones on this sick move before he went to the hole for a resounding dunk. It’s a good thing he’s practicing cutting. I wouldn’t want that slight jog he does down to first on a grounder to the second baseman to cause any damage while he’s cutting. I’ve played 20 years of baseball and softball and never once cut. I ran straight, stopped, and sometimes slid.

Just in hot off the press: Barry Bonds grabbed a can of soup from his top cabinet above the fridge. This means he’s been practicing catching fly balls by raising his hand above his head. Hopefully ESPN will report this and put it above another real story.

"I need a weapon..."

As you panned over another non-updated morning of FM just a few hours ago, you almost assuringly glanced to the right side of the screen and noticed something a little bit different about the sidebar. "Jesus titty-fucking christ!" you screamed aloud as you stared mercilessly at the Master Chief striking his best ass-kicking pose on the cover of the Halo 2 box, "bironm is back to playing Halo online!"

Relax, it's cool. While I do admit my Halo 2 kill-boner did flare up this weekend, I acted on it in a way that normally is unbeknownst to me. I'm fairly sure I became the first person to rent the original version of Halo from Blockbuster in 2 years, and worse, I paid $7.99 to rent it for a week (it's about $5 to purchase on Ebay I later discovered). I did originally have Doom 3 in my hand, but then I remembered I had Halo 2 - and why I hadn't played it yet...

See, I'm a sucker for a good story. I mean here I've had my Xbox and Halo 2 for about 4 months now, and I'm yet to even begin the campaign mode on it because I didn't want to sacrifice my Halo virginity without playing thru the first one. So needless to say, I spent virtually all weekend playing thru my latest rental.

Badass. Holy shit, it was clear to me why people were going nuts waiting for the second one to come out. Playing thru this game provided one hell of an experience - I mean, after all these years of watching Red vs Blue and reading about the mass hysteria on the Halo website with thousands of LAN parties and whatnot, here I was witnessing this stuff for the first time. I just gotta say - for the record - there was a lotta dead fuckin' aliens on the bironm xbox this weekend.

Now, if you're 1 of the 3 people left in the world who haven't finished Halo & are a fan of the franchise, you probably don't want to read below. However being as you've read this sentence right here, I assume you either A) already have beaten it or B) don't give a fuck, to which I'm guessing both responses will run about 50/50.

Now the thing that interested me the most about the first one is that there's a greater evil to both races then each other, with the "both" being of course the Humans and the Covenant. I had no idea, but the story plays in really nice with the Covenant fearing The Flood, the Human Captain becoming infected by the Flood, and then that one annoying ass C3PO robot-sounding dude tricking me into using Halo as a weapon. Was a really good story, plenty of twists and had some good substance to it - a feat for an FPS a lot of times. Anyway, after getting done, I loaded up Halo 2 and started right into the campaign mode on that one as well.

I did manage to play some online again, and I was so rusty that the only way to compete was to curse loudly at the TV, as I so often do in...well, any game I play.

So ya, that's my weekend and my immediate gaming future. I did manage to play week #2 of my DaONE league, winning a game over Purdue in convincing fashion, moving my overall record to 2-0. The way I see it, I have plenty of time to finish Halo 2 before NHL 2K6 comes out, so expect me to talk about that prolly several more times prior to that release.

Rushing Judgement

If any of you have been following my posts…and judging by our numbers you haven’t… then you probably know that I hate people. Not all people, just stupid people. However people are stupid, therefore I hate people, Q.E.D. So this post is dedicated to the men and *ahem* women of the world who I don’t consider stupid.

L’Equipe has unequivocal “scientific” evidence that Lance Armstrong was on EPO, during his first Tour de France championship, from urine samples taken in 1999. In related news, The Holy Roman Catholic Church has unequivocal “scientific” evidence that the Earth is the center of the Universe from samples taken in the 15th Century…

See Lance hiding all those needle marks

A Florida Marlins Batboy was suspended 6-games without pay for his involvement in a $500 bet over drinking a gallon of milk, sans puking, in less than an hour. In related news the Bill of Rights was ratified in 1791 which included the 8th amendment banning “cruel and unusual punishments”…

Microsoft, in conjunction with GameStop.com, has announced the Xbox-360 Ultimate Bundle is being pre-released for the low-low price of $1,199.83. The bundle, deemed “Not-in-fact-ultimate” by Bironm, comes with 11 games and a few knick-knacks. In related news, the United States Supreme Court ruled 6-3 that Sodomy laws are unconstitutional (see case) on June 26, 2003, thus freeing up Microsoft to “give it to the consumer”…

David Wells proclaimed that Rafael Palmeiro should take a lie detector test to determine how long Raffy has been on ‘roids. In related news, polygraphs are deemed inadmissible in court rooms across the United States (save New Mexico)...

Wally Stanley of Coeur D’Alene, Idaho (that means Heart of Alene, Teebs), a 61 year old paraplegic, hit a 140-yard hole-in-one on Wednesday. In related news, a 64 ranked ROLB for Middle Tennessee State leapt 7 feet in the air to knock down a pass in my NCAA game last night.

Fishermen in Thailand captured a 9 foot 646 pound catfish in the Mekong River recently. In related news, Stephen A. Smith looks, quite frankly, like a catfish…

Last night on ESPN’s Monday Night Countdown telecast, Boomer and the boys showed that not only does a majority of the working male population waste hours of productivity at work playing fantasy football, but so do the so called “expert” analysts. In related news, I just received a formal written warning for “spending too much time on the internet”…

NCAA tidbits, links

After taking season #4 off last season over at DaONE, I make it no secret that I want to win another championship in season #5 - and last night I started off with what I hope is another great run on the heels of a 16-3 win at Tennessee. My defense really won it for me, as I was able to contain Gerald Riggs Jr. for the most part, holding him to like 45 yards rushing on the game - allowing me to concentrate mostly on shutting down the passing game. What followed was a 3 pick-performance by my secondary, with the INT's coming from CB's Ashton Youboty, Donte Whitner and SS Tyler Everett.

The games in the league are being played on the Heisman level this season, and since EA never lets any ranked games be played likeso it's only natural to become adept to playing on All-American. Well, Heisman plays a bit different and can be difficult to adjust to. One thing it does is it nearly nullifies the overblown-...uhh, -ness of the impact RB's by allowing defensive lineman and linebackers to tackle them in the backfield in many more one on one situations than on All-American. RB's will still truck DB's with relative ease if they're not gang-tackled in the flats & open field, but overall it's a much better situation than the oft-ridiculousness of what occurs in ranked AA games.

On that same token, passing is rough to get used to as well. The deep ball isn't there with much regularity because of the defensive backs ability to play it much better (a godsend, really), however it doesn't eliminate it and still forces defenses to stay honest while attempting to shut down the short to intermediate game. Defenders will tend to play much more intelligently in zone coverage and remain closer to their assignments in man, but they will get beat and they will be caught out of position by the experienced passers. Other than the earlier mention of impact backs in Heisman mode, the running AI is still very smooth in P2P games - unlike matchups against a Heisman level-computer opponent without sliders being adjusted. In the end it's going to be up to the users to make the game, but I gotta say at this point I see NCAA '06 going the way of Madden 2004, with the switch to All-Madden unranked being made online by most, and EA subsequently caving and allowing All-Madden ranked games online in '05. It's just that much better a game on the highest possible level.

Other than expressing my views on Heisman being tits as far as a preferred difficulty level, I wanted to throw a few links up in the NCAA/Maddenmania community. My man Rhombic posted a wishlist for NCAA '07 worthy of being labeled a dissertation by scholars alike, but it basically lays out everything either not in, in, or done incorrectly in this year's version of the game. Very constructive post - be sure to view it here and leave feedback so that it may be finalized.

My Impact Tournament over at MM is down to the final 2, as Marino defeated me 14-10 to advance to the finals, and Liquidrob won a hard-fought game over Kiz to advance himself. The winner of this matchup will receive an NFL specialized controller from MadCatz, who selflessly donated this to help promote both the product and competitive gaming at the same time. I mean, sure it's an NFL customization, but yo - it's a nice piece you didn't have before. No word on Madden being awarded yet as I had originally hoped, but as always I came thru with some free shit to the guys who win my events.

Tired of beating the CPU opponent mercilessly every night? Does your QB not have enough time to drop back before getting drilled? Are you tired of your WR's dropping easy passes? If so, try adjusting your sliders. Every year it becomes common practice for people to spend abnormal amounts of time to figure out what the perfect setting to play NCAA on is, and upon finding what they believe may be the way to go they post their results to the general public to insert into their games and tryout. So far this year, a set assembled by WolverinesManiac (unfortunate name, huh?) seems to be the local flavor, and can be found on the first page of this thread.

Finally, one of the biggest attractions of Maddenmania is the ability to share your dynasty/franchise with the world, and yearly this section of our site falls just behind general discussion as far as popularity goes. Being the NCAA junky that I am (and lack of a dynasty player myself), I always stay tuned to projects by both BDawg35 and Hellisan. This year both chose MAC schools in Michigan for their coaching destinations, with BDawg taking on Western and Hellisan taking on Central. Both have finished their first seasons and are set to embank upon their seconds, so for a good read and perhaps some ideas for your own dynasty, check out BDawg's Broncos and Hellisan's Chippewas at your convenience.

Made my day...

Out of the blue this morning, my wife calls me at work. Amidst chatter ongoing in the background of the phone, she comes right out and asks, "hey, how much beer is in a keg?"

I'm initially excited as to what we're doing, but turns out this is business. Dumbfounded, I answer her, "16 gallons, a pony keg would be 8."

Anyway, I grab my college conversion sheet out that spans about 6 pages of every conversion factor known to man, typed up in about 6pt font and go on to answer her second question in how many ounces are in a gallon - 128. Her next question is how many ounces is a can of beer (12), eventually flat out asking how many cans of beer would be in a keg - 171.

"Okay thanks!" she replies, and hangs up.

After thinking about it a short while, I figured it all out. My wife, in a meeting at work with a committee for whatever's currently in the process of being planned, is deciding how much beer to have at this party. Unbeknownst as to how much beer she would need to cover some 600 employees, she says to everyone, "hold on, I'll call my husband."

The meeting waits as my secretary says across the room, "it's your wife on line #1."

That's my girl.

Reality Check

I know we all are selfish, carnal people that only care about our next lay, meal or game of NCAA that night while our wives sleep off a good pounding. Out of the blue though, sometimes things just blindside us. Enter Thomas Herrion.

I'm caught up in a busy as shit schedule, mainly its sitting around making sure runs are unearned or earned but still, it takes up a majority of my time, so I'm not that aware of what's going on in the world of sports other than MLB and MILB so it came as a surprise last night when I logged on and saw that Thomas Herrion collapsed and died late Saturday night.

Mind you, I'm the type of football fan that has no clue most the time what makes a good O-lineman or who the Lineman are half the time. Most of the time they don't matter to me much, but Herrion was a f'n stud. Team captain of my alma matar University of Utah, this guy was hilarious. Every piece ESPN ran of the Utes, invariably Thomas Herrion had a part in it, I remember one in particular of Rod Gilmore trying to get by Herrion and Thomas showing how he blocks a blitz. Not the deepest of stuff but Thomas smiling on national tv, dreds sprouting from his dome just made you think this was a good good guy.

From everything I've read, his teammates loved the guy, a great teammate, a funny guy and someone that had your back at all times. Noone knows why people like him die suddenly while people that murder, swill booze and run over children and other people deemed evil by christian ideals live, but its all in the master plan.

I'll leave it at that, I didn't know Thomas Herrion but I was a big fan of him, its too bad more people won't have the chance to join the club. RIP TH.

Señor Pissypants

Anyone else so excited for football they about piss their pants waiting for preseason games?

The Sporting News gave the Buckeyes great remarks in their college football issue this year, predicting them as the Big 10 champions as a team and gave equal love across the board - Ted Ginn was a 1st team All-American at WR, A.J. Hawk at OLB & had Nate Salley as a 2nd team All-American at FS. When ranking the units, Ohio State received the distinction of the #1 Linebacking unit with Hawk, Bobby Carpenter and Anthony Schlegel & the #2 Secondary behind Texas with Ashton Youboty, Donte Whitner, Nate Salley and Tyler Everitt. Ginn, Hawk & Salley all received All-Big 10 honors as well, and Quinn Pitcock also received the same distinction as a DT along with Youboty at CB & Ginn at KR. Bottom line - it's gonna be a pretty fun year.

How much do you think I should spend trying to score tickets to Texas on September 10th?

The Bengals are 1-1 so far this preseason - which I know doesn't necessarily mean dick - but I think they've shown some definite sparks thus far. QB Carson Palmer currently rests with a pass completion percentage of less than 50%, however he has hit a wide array of targets thus far and he scrambled for 2 first downs against Washington of 11 and 12 yards on 2 separate 3rd downs. RB Rudi Johnson has ran really well in his limited playing time to date, and Chris Perry has looked fantastic in spelling Rudi later on the games. Perry is living up to his billing of having extremely soft hands and great quickness out of the backfield, something I don't think I ever witnessed when he played for that team up north (forgive me for not saying the name of the state).

Our WR's are going to be a handful - I mean, damn, how do you gameplan against us? Do you give up the long ball occasionally to concentrate on stopping Rudi and Perry, do you double team Chad to open up Warrick and Houshmandzadeh? Who do you match up defensively against physical specimens Kelley Washington & Chris Henry?

I dunno, I don't want to get into a personnel discussion for a little while longer, I'll wait until at least around the last preseason game before I come on here and boast about how and why we're going to the Super Bowl, giving the millions and millions of our readers some material to hang over my head come season's end.

In other related football news, there was some positive discussion last week about having an FM Madden franchise here online using the new EA Locker option as well as the potential for an NHL2K6 franchise as well, but of course for the first to happen that would require Swade to actually buy Madden and Teebee would have to post once a Haley's Comet cycle. Neither of which appear to be happening any time soon....

The Madden thing may not be an option with the recent glitch found, but I still think if it's just the 3 of us that we could look past it and have fun still. Teebs is heading out to Arizona for the fall league I think in October, so that kind of limits our time but it is still a possibility. I mean, you download your own version of the game and play your scheduled game, then drafts and whatnot - could be pretty fun. NHL 2K6 (9/6) and Blitz: The League (10/17) are due out here in the near future - so I'm definitely looking forward to playing an online league for the first time that's not entirely player-operated (recording stats, inputting games into Leaguedaddy - that stuff).

Anyway, I got a lot on my plate coming up this week with a few various side projects, softball, and the county fair ongoing here in my hometown. My wife works as a personnel director at a local factory in town, and as such she's in charge of handling donated money and whatnot - and during the fair, she's responsible for purchasing animals from the 4H-Club in auctions. Obviously she nor I have the first idea as to how much to pay for a chicken, a lamb or hog - but by god I guess we're going to learn. Oh, and I say "we" because "I" got volunteered to go along and help, so in turn "I" may turn out to expect "that" of which appears to the right of this paragraph....goat included (wife optional!).

What the hell is wrong with people?

It’s not often that I get pissed off. It rarely, if ever, occurs. If my anger scale were based on batting averages, I’d be hitting .573. But today, while perusing the latest T.O. musings on ESPN.com, I came across a questionnaire. So I’m going through the poll, “Yes the eagles should have seen this coming,” etc… I finish up and click to see the results to gauge how in touch I am with the pulse of the sporting world. To my amazement 45.0% of the people in this world are complete fucking idiots.

Question 10 asks, “If all were equally talented, who would you rather have playing for your favorite team?”
A) A player who causes no problems on the field but has a rap sheet off the field.
B) A player who causes headaches in the clubhouse but is a good citizen off the field.
C) A player who causes no problems on or off the field but is widely known to use steroids.

Somehow, 45% of the people who voted in this poll voted for A! 36% voted for B, and only 19% voted for C. Is that what life has come to people? We’d rather have someone commit crimes and play sports fair than have someone who’s just an asshole?

Personally, I think everyone who voted for answer A should have Mark Chmura come to their house and hang out with their 13 year old daughters. Or maybe Jamal Lewis, Darryl Strawberry, and Diego Maradona can come traffic some coke into their schools. Better yet, we can have Mike Danton hire Jayson Williams to off all these morons while Marv Albert commentates!

As for answer B, I just can’t see that either. How hard is it to get along with people…it’s not like we’re asking athletes to negotiate the unconditional nuclear surrender of Pyongyang; just to shut their yaps and do their jobs. If I bitched every day about my pay and how much quan I was getting, I’d be fired before week one was over…even if I was the best damn [insert job title] ever. You guys can take T.O., Bonds, Randy, Keyshawn, Lindros, and Kobe and enjoy the sports tabloids all you want.

I voted for C. I know what you’re thinking, “What about the integrity of the game!” Or, “What about the safety of the athletes?!?” Horseshit. Those concepts are as outdated as the amateur athlete the NCAA keeps shoving down our throats. It’s the athlete’s body, it’s their decision, and if they want to die at 40 to make $15 mils a year and be the best at their sport then more power to them. They’re trying to win and make themselves the best they can. How is that bad, because it’s unhealthy? Cry me a river…and all you fuckers who smoke and binge drink every weekend are doing wonders for your own health, so stop acting like you care about someone else’s. As for the integrity part, America doesn’t have integrity…never has. George Washington owned slaves, Ty Cobb beat a man with no hands and was a famed racist, Bill Clinton committed perjury, and W started a war because he was bored on a Tuesday. Hell, even America itself swindled the most valued land in the world, Manhattan, from the Native Americans for a handful of beads. Get off your soapbox and stick integrity up your ass. Sports are all about winning and doing whatever you can to do such. Deal with it.

Oh, and if you don’t like what I have to say, please comment and give me your two cents…I’d love the hear an intelligent rebuttal from those out there who voted for A.

I really suck lately

Man I cannot win the Rice/Houston rivalry game to save my ass. Last night I made my 3rd run on it, losing a heartbreaker 25-28 to the mighty Cougars.

I'm playing default AA, as I generally tend to lean on the side of winning while I progress my way to winning every rivalry trophy in the game. I enjoy good games, but honestly I don't care to play every single one of these games more than once, unless the battle goes online for whatever reasons. Well this time I managed a 14-7 halftime lead behind some beautiful option-running by QB Joel Armstrong, as I had over 160 yards rushing against a much more formidable Houston DL.

Houston was every bit of the cheese experienced in the East Room online, as every 3rd down was a chuck-it-deep jump ball situation & short yardage situations were HB Directs or HB Off-Tackles...just disgusting stuff (not that I blame them, my defense sucks). Now albeit, I knew they were coming, but a 4-4 mad robber is a bit futile when there's only one in the front 8 that has a rating over 70 or so - it can be a touch rough. Anyway, Armstrong goes down at the end of the 2nd quarter until the 4th, and my backup QB doesn't miss too much a beat thanks to a 76 speed rating - heading the rushing attack that produced 107 yards for FB Andrew Cates and 132 for 'A' back Marcus Rucker. In the end, Houston was running out the clock and the shotgun off-tackle busted a 4-4 blitz to the tune of 53 yards to go up 28-17, but I returned the kick 101 yards with Marcus Battle and converted the 2-point conversion - just couldn't jump on the onsides kick. I shut 'em down using my 3 timeouts, and launched a prayer with just 0:06 left that was completed for a gain of 62 yards...it just fell about 19 yards too short.

In other news you likely don't care about (hey, it's a blog - suck it up...it's not all t'n-a here), I accepted an Alabama team in the LoD League, a league put together of many of the best NCAA players on the net. Kind of neat, invite only and based on straight play, my man Jett put this league together and has put a lot of work into it throughout his first 2 seasons. I'm not exactly looking forward to balling with 'Bama, as last night I had to scrap together a defensive victory in the Iron Bowl to pull out a 28-17 victory. I managed to return 2 defensive TD's this game w/ the latter coming with 0:20 remaining in my own red zone, but that speaks for itself and my inability to move the ball with QB Brodie Croyle & HB Kenneth Darby. Croyle managed to throw 5 picks (although like 3 of 'em were my fault - you get cocky sometimes) and Darby only managed around 70 yards rushing, so I either need to change my playbook up a bit or hit the lab with these guys or something - I'm apparently playing Iowa & Colorado tonight in an effort to make up my games for the first 3 weeks.

I mean, for a B+ team - I ain't seeing it, but by god I'll see what I can do with 'em. This runs my league total up to 2 as I'm back in the fray at DaONE with my Buckeyes, but I plan to launch my own league at Maddenmania starting probably next week as well - I guess 3 should be enough for me.

R. Kelly & The Sims

On R. Kelly's new album "TP.3 Reloaded", there's a 5 chapter song entitled "Trapped in the Closet" in which our favorite pissin' machine wakes up next to a girl with a foggy memory. After quickly throwing on his clothes in an attempt to get out of the house, the ladies husband comes home and one of the more diabolical story lines takes place this side of Melrose Place.

Oh, and it's all set to some guy's (with presumably a LOT of spare time) re-enactment using the Sims 2 video game - you just have to see this to appreciate it...actually has me wanting to hear the rumored continuation on the next Kelly album.

Chapter ONE

Chapter TWO

Chapter THREE

Chapter FOUR

Chapter FIVE

Madden Online

"______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
_______________________." ~ bironm

That would be where I normally come on here and gloat after a big victory in something over either Boz or Swade, but I'm feeling pretty sympathetic right now for my angry buddy for some reason. I love the guy to death, so I'm respecting him and not saying which and what game it was in - just seems like the appropriate thing to do tonight.

I just hope Swade gets back from vacation in Florida soon and picks up the new Madden so I can play against him as well.

All bullshit aside, I still don't enjoy this year's Madden all that much as I'm an NCAA guy and I refuse to invest the time necessary into Madden to get good at it. For the most part I got lucky against our aforementioned once-a-month blogger, as honestly it could've been the other way around quite easily. I think I like the vision cone in concept, but I honestly feel that maybe I'm just not able to control it as well as I should be able to (or would get eventually if I had patience.) The blitz's come amazingly fast and hit before any human being I know can react in some instances, and even then finding an open WR often times leads to a shotty throw to where the DB's get an amazing jump on the ball to make up the room between your wide-openess and his lack of covering. In a way I wish NCAA did that, sure would put to rest the deep ball problems in the East Room. In the end I'm just still not a huge Madden guy.

Have you seen the new Madden site though? It's just sick, so sick in fact it makes me want to go back to school and learn how to make that shit up myself. The whole pisser is naturally that NCAA's website sucks in comparion - but whaddya gonna do. Hopefully all the games in the EA Sports lineup jive together again like they have the last 2 years - we'll see.

Well, I'm out like a boner in sweat pants...speaking of which ~

The Madden Curse

C'mon, someone had to write about it this year - it's discussed yearly and any credible reporting agency already used up their Madden Curse story last year.

FM's coverage > ESPN's

Ok, so Ray Lewis didn't necessarily have a season befitting of a past Madden cover athlete. He still nearly matched his previous year's numbers in tackles, assisted on a career high 46 and managed to force a fumble. I guess by defensive standards that's alright, but a big deficiency in his game last year was the lack of a single interception after recording 6 in 2003 - oh, and the Ravens didn't make the playoffs. Wait - sweet jesus, that's gotta qualify...the curse lives! I can blog with confidence now!

After the dropification of my own justification on the continuation of the Madden situation of last year (word to the -tion's), now would be where I provide the background information (oh!) like a journalist would - except I'm on a blog, I like to curse & making up shit is far more exciting then providing truth when I can't get the truth to be what I want it to be. But at any rate, let's review pre-Madden covers to post over the past 5 years.

Madden 2001 - RB Eddie George, Titans

Before: One of the games budding stars, George had become a fixture in the Pro Bowl by making his 3rd consecutive game. In 5 professional seasons George had ran for 6,874 yards at 3.9 ypc and 42 TD's. The Titans were a seemingly permanent fixture in the playoff picture and represented the AFC in the Super Bowl the year before.

After: George went on to record his first non-1,000 yard season as an NFL RB, and has since in 4 seasons ran for only 3,567 yards on 3.2 ypc and 26 TD's. Not bad by anyone's measure, however prior to the curse, Eddie was widely considered one of if not the elite running back in the NFL at that time.

Madden 2002 - QB Daunte Culpepper, Vikings

Before: Culpepper threw for 3,937 yards and 33 TD's as a rookie (well, 2nd year), led the Vikings to the NFC Championship game and was widely considered as one of the leagues rising stars.

After: Daunte had a bit of a rough 2 years following, injuring his knee in 2001 forcing him to miss 5 games, and then in 2002 he threw a league-high 23 interceptions in dipping his QB rating some 23 points from his first year at the helm. Of course, now he's a stud QB over the last 2 years and showed so even without WR Randy Moss last season - but the curse really has no defined terms, only to alter your career for the worst after appearing on the cover. Course, it says nothing regarding raising your career back up again afterwards.

Madden 2003 - RB Marshall Faulk, Rams

Before: Marshall was changing the game year by year, and at a point was considered the best football player in the NFL. He had successfully completed 4 consecutive years of gaining over 2,000 total yards from scrimmage, scoring 47 times in the last 2 seasons alone. He won a Super Bowl, & the Rams were yearly Super Bowl favorites.

After: Plagued by an ankle injury, Faulk was limited to only 10 games in 2002 and has since been unable to reach the 1,000 yard plateau in rushing. His 3 years prior to the cover were 6,765 total yards & 59 TD's, rushing for over 1,000 in each season. His 3 years after are quite different, gaining 3,382 total yards & 25 TD's. It's saddening to see that his yardage numbers are cut nearly perfectly in half, and in the 2004 NFL Draft the Rams took RB Stephen Jackson out of Oregon State in the first round.

Madden 2004 - QB Michael Vick, Falcons

Before: Basically labeled as a human highlight film by just about everyone under the football watching public eye, Vick dazzled the NFL in 2002 in throwing for 2,936 yards with an 81.6 rating, 16 TD's and his interception numbers being only half of that. Most importantly, Vick rushed for 777 yards and scored 8 TD's himself via his legs, adding a brand new dimension to the NFL that had merely only been talked about in a few other mobile QB's.

After: And I mean after, as the day following the release of Madden 2004, Vick broke his leg in a preseason game. He did manage to return at the end of the season, starting 4 of the 5 games and throwing for 585 yards while rushing for 255. The Falcons went 3-1 under Vick in the final 4 games, but it was too late as the Falcons leader couldn't get them into the promised land in so few games.

...and I already went over Ray in 2005 -

So basically Donovan, what's up man? Whatcha thinking? I realize my Ray Lewis thing is a stretch, but you gotta believe picking off 6 passes including one to the house in 2003 and then not getting a single one in 2004 is a seriously significant dropoff. To boot, Lewis didn't record as many tackles last season despite 3-4 sackmaster Peter Boulware missing the season due to injury. However, the Ravens missing the playoffs I think is the integral part of the equation as they had a great team...

So would you volunteer to be on the cover?

So what can a...

...27 year old with an engineering degree get a job doing in the sports world? I start my attempt at an article with that because honestly, I really don't have shit to contribute to the site. I mean, in actuality all my posts start out like that because I have that god-given ability to turn simple musings into novels - note I don't label them "best-selling", but nonetheless I can write on about it forever...not that I ramble on or draw out sentences or stories longer than what they really actually should be. I mean if I did people would tell me, and I very seldom hear a complaint about my stories.

Anyway, ya, my wife hates her job, wants out of the small town we live in and I instantly take the opportunity to start scoping out jobs in my dream career organizations. At the moment, I've seen "Concessions Attendant" at Nationwide Arena in Columbus and what appears to be a groundskeeper crew position at Paul Brown - I'd have to say the latter sounds more entertaining, but I'm not even sure Bengal football could talk me into landscaping for the rest of my life.

Ok, I would landscape to say I work for the Bengals, and yes I did submit my resume for it. Fuck off.

Madden launches Tuesday, gotta say I'm tickled about that. Finally I'll be able to hang out at home and not answer 18,000 questions on AIM about it. I don't mind (much), and I want to help everyone out, but jesus it's crazy - especially with running the NCAA forum at the same time as reviewing Madden for the what appears to be a quadrupled number of interested people then were in NCAA pre-launch.

I did see Swade kinda ask what was the big deal with Maria Sharapova, and in my quest to find some quality pics I came across a nice image post on the forums of the maria-sharapova.org website. Check 'em out here - won't be disappointed.

...and did anyone see her at the ESPY's? I mean jesus tapdancing christ ~

I've begun trying to make heads and tails out of the NHL at this point, but I was having some serious problems figuring out who the hell was where - so I made a chart. Yes, I'm the fag that enjoys minor projects every once in a while to keep the skills sharp or at least say I used them. Anyway, if anything's wrong on the list, be sure and post and lemme know - this is good for at least 3 days till I get tired of keeping it. Download it here.

Oh and the people waiting on the fantasy football list - I haven't forgotten, just not a lot of time with NCAA and Madden dropping within close range of each other. Last year I didn't get Madden until release day, this year it came early and took my fantasy time away. I'll get that list put out next week, and I'll again take your donations (I've never gotten a donation) for my work (although I have gotten dinner out of it). As some of you know, I'm the biggest thing to hit the fantasy scene since John Holmes and his 13" cock, and my yearly draft lists end up spelling great results to even the most unknowledgeable fantasy football players.

Revelations

I think if EA fucks up one more NCAA Football game I just might break my streak of years owning the game at 12,476. Throwing a fly, in real life, to an uncovered receiver in practice has a completion percentage around 60%. Throw a defender or two in there and it drops to around 10%. How is it then that I can complete 80% of my bombs against quadruple coverage? Is this kind of simulation really that hard to understand?

I think as much shit as Teebs gives me for writing about more than video games and chicks, he still secretly touches himself when I use big words in my posts…I mean, polysyllabic bon mots in my colloquialisms.

I think I need to see a therapist to get rid of this wet dream I keep having where Notre Dame joins the Big Ten where they post a 0-12 record getting wood-shedded by in-state teams Indiana and Purdue. The only thing better than Penn State being mediocre in the Big 10 is if the Irish could be the same.

Speaking of wet dreams, I think Maria Sharapova is an 8 at best. Yeah, I said it. Seriously, what’s her appeal? Beyond the obvious tall, blonde, athletic, and rich thing...but she also has the same figure as my 110 pound brother. I’ll take some hips, tits, and Heather Mitts any day over Fräulein Maria.

I think hockey fans need to watch their step before jumping on the Sidney Crosby bandwagon. In the last 20 years, the only #1 overall picks under 6 feet tall who made even a modest impact their first few years in the league were…no one. Yet somehow he’s still a savior?

Speaking of The Savior, I think Terrell Owens needs a new nickname. Now that Reggie White has passed on, I think TO should be called The Reverend. Clearly his knowledge of religion is unparalleled for our times.

I think 2005 should be the year of the NCAA lawsuit. Follow the NIT and file for anything imaginable. Players getting paid, athletes skipping classes, you know…anything that helps Ohio State Football.

I think Glen Sather, GM for the New York hockey Rangers, is still asleep at the wheel. $2.5 mils per for Marek Malik and $3 mils per for Martin Straka? I wouldn’t sign Malik to defend my twinkie stash and Straka is getting $1 million for every broken leg he’s had. Well done Slats.

I think selling the naming rights of Gund Arena to Quicken Loans is going to curse the Cavs…They might as well just trade LeBron to the Knicks now.

I think Raffy Palmeiro is a complete dipshit. Athletes have been faking injuries for years just so they can get some rest and be “in a great position” for the postseason. Why didn’t Raffy pull a hammy the day after he got 3,000? Retire injured and “in a great position” for Cooperstown. Best of all, no one ever hears about the positive test. Maybe that porn-stache clouds his judgement.

Finally, I think Dusty Baker and Larry Brown should be required to sign marriage contracts instead of the contracts they currently sign. You know, until death do us part…

Angry as shit

As Chuck aka Biron can attest, I'm angry as shit lately. Why?

There probably is a multitude of reasons but I'm gonna try and break them down, possibly helping me vent a little and become more of the loving friend/husband/father/brother/pimp that I should be:

-I could be angry because its the dog days of summer, sure, I love my job but I've been dealing with and babysitting fellow employees from 5 PM to 2 AM since May every night and you know what? I'm getting to the point where I want to physically injure people that are stupid. Work is a stressor for everyone and there's no exception here, I just need to keep it in perspective.

-To more frivilous reasons, I'm angry because I just happened to glance at directv.com and the new NFL Package looks friggin amazing. Sure I have a 56" HDTV, I love INHD, in fact I just finished watching Beyond Warped with Bad Religion, awesome. I need this NFL Superfan package! 8 games simultaneous on the screen at once dammit!

Not only that, you get every NFL game cut without commercials to a condensed game at midnight Sunday night.
I have cable. I get Giants and Jets games. Nothing else usually because if one local team is on Fox/CBS, no other game can be on and is blocked out. Another benefit of living in NYC.

-Not to sound like John Rocker, but sitting on the subway day-after-day here next to some guy with blue hair and a 15 year old with 3 kids and noone speaking any English and a guy next to me with AIDS, well, its making me angry as shit. Wait, that sounded like John Rocker.

-The Padres have dropped such a dump in the past two months, it's throwing a major kink in my offseason plans to go to SD and see them in the playoffs. Sure they picked up Chuck Favorite Randa and traded Nevin but I challenge anyone to find a poorer lineup right now then the Padres. The other day the outfield was Dave Roberts, Eric Young and Brian Giles. Why not just start all leadoff men and play Whitey ball! No wonder they average less than 2 runs a game in the past month. How have they won 51 games at this point? It's a miracle.

-Reason # what are we up to now, 4? 5? Who knows. Anyways, www.geekrosters.com is nearing the end of its lifespan and I can't be happier. Although it may sound dramatic, the back-stabbing, the lies, deceit and two-facery (that a word?) between those seemingly interested in using my site for their roster files is beyond making me angry anymore. In fact, Chuck is highly involved with the #1 site that is taking a bloody shit all over mine. I don't care anymore at this point, I'm done in a month and that is it for me in the online world. Time for someone else to make me rosters and for me to actually play the games. Its been a great ride and I made some good buddies and met some awesome people doing it. In the end, I would say it was worth all the effort its been over the past 3 years.

Other than those stupid trivial reason to be mad, time to snap out of it, suck it up and keep chuggin along. I'm off to kick Chucks arse again in MVP.

I figure I may as well contribute something positive to the blog, here are some pennant cheats for you guys interested in all-time teams/mascot game crap. Enjoy.

Cheat: Unlock PennantsEnter these codes at the Pennant Collection screen.
1st and 15 Pennant; opponent gains 15 yards for first down: THANKS
2004 Alabama All-time team: ROLL TIDE
2004 All-Americans pennant: FUMBLE
Arkansas All-time team: WOOPIGSOOIE
Arkansas Mascot team: BEAR DOWN
Auburn All-time team: WAR EAGLE
Baylor ratings boost: SIC EM
Blink Pennant; ref spots ball short for opponent: FOR
Boing Pennant; opponent drops passes more: REGISTERING
Clemson All-time team: DEATH VALLEY
Colorado All-time team: GLORY
Crossed The Line card: TIBURON
Cuffed card: EA SPORTS
Florida All-time team: GREAT TO BE
FSU All-time team: UPRISING
Georgia All-time team: HUNKER DOWN
Georgia Tech Mascot team: RAMBLINWREC
Illinois ratings boost: OSKEE WOW
Iowa All-time team: On Iowa
Iowa State mascot team: RED AND GOLD
Kansas mascot team: ROCK CHALK
Kansas State All-time team: VICTORY
LSU All-time team: GEAUX TIGERS
Miami All-time team: GREAT TO BE
Michigan All-time team: GO BLUE
Michigan State mascot team: GO GREEN
Minnesota mascot team: RAH RAH RAH
Mississippi State All-time team: HAIL STATE
Miss Mascot team: HOTTY TOTTY
Mizzou mascot team: MIZZOU RAH
NC State mascot team: GO PACK
Nebraska All-time team: GO BIG RED
Notre Dame All-time team: GOLDEN DOMER
NU mascot team: GO CATS
Oklahoma All-time team: BOOMER
Ohio State All-time team: KILLER NUTS
Oklahoma All-time team: BOOMER
Ole Miss Mascot team: HOTTY TOTTY
Oregon All-time team: QUACK ATTACK
OSU All-time team: GO POKES
Penn State All-time team: WE ARE
Pittsburgh All-time team: LETS GO PITT
Purdue All-time team: BOILER UP
Quarterback Dud pennant: ELITE 11
South Carolina Mascot team: GO CAROLINA
Stiffed pennant: NCAA
Syracuse All-time team: ORANGE CRUSH
Take Your Time pennant: FOOTBALL
Tennessee All-time team: BIG ORANGE
Texas AM All-time team: GIG EM
Texas All-time team: HOOK EM
Texas Tech ratings boost: FIGHT
UCLA All-time team: MIGHTY
UGA All-time team: HUNKER DOWN
UK Mascot team: ON ON UK
UNC All-time team: RAH RAH
USC All-time team: FIGHT ON
UVA All-time team: WAHOOS
VT All-time team: TECH TRIUMPH
Wake Forest Mascot team: GO DEACS GO
Washington All-time team: BOW DOWN
What A Hit pennant: BLITZ
Wisconsin All-time team: U RAH RAH
WSU mascot team: ALL HAIL
WVU mascot team: HAIL WV

Disturbed track for Madden...

In a Warner Bros. promotion for the release of Madden '06, the Disturbed song "Ten Thousand Fists" is set to be unlocked once this link has received 250,000 hits. I'm visitor #2436, still need 247,564 people to click. Here's the message:

Starting today, you can get a chance to hear "Ten Thousand Fists", the title track from the new album, plus get three exclusive screenshots from EA Sports' Madden NFL '06 (in stores August 9th). Check out this new media player below - it will unlock the song and screenshots after it has been passed virally via email to 250,000 people. A counter on the player shows the current number of visitors to the player, so keep checking back every day to see how close you are to getting the song and the screenshots!

http://www.bandbuilder.com/disturbed_drm/

Impressions

Thought I'd take a few to post some general impressions to date. Overall, the game has a smooth feel to it like the last 2 Madden's have had, and it almost appears as if you're playing with the offensive capability of '04 along with the defensive ability of '05 - so actually a really good mix.

First know - I'm not that great at Madden, and it pains me to say so. I recorded roughly 8 online games last year, 2 offline games, some practice mode and a whole lot of trivia (loved that trivia option). In '04 I played a franchise some 30 games or so along with a few games of online, so I'm basically far from the judge on how the game is. That said, I played online last night and I was ready to use this thing as a coaster - I mean, I suck.

I ran the ball with moderate success, I mean I think I put down some 60+ yards/game in the 3 games I played against the 49ers, but I couldn't flat out pass for shit. Carson Palmer has a fairly small vision cone, and when the blitz would come in pretty quick I had a lot of problems progressing WR's. I'd always fixate my vision cone on a WR prior to the snap, and the MM guy I was playing would almost certainly shade that WR. By the time I'd look to where perhaps his assignment was or spot an open man, it was like I didn't have time to switch my cone to him cause by that time the rush had broken free and I was picking grass out of my helmet. I don't by any means think I hold onto the ball excessively, it was just really quick and will definitely take some practice to get used to.

It's a really cool addition and I'm guessing I'm not running it 100% correctly either. I'm yet to read the instructions what with me being a guy and all, so I'm sure I haven't quite found the best possible way to do it. Rich Eisen meets you at the beginning of the game to explain this feature to you, apparently next time I need to listen to what he has to say and actually perhaps get better at the game.

And the Bengals oughta be pretty good this year, lot of weapons on offense and Chris Henry certainly received some love. We think he's going to be pretty big in Cincinnati, and after my few days with the game I think he's going to be noticeable part of the offense in that as well.

Like I said running the ball was pretty good (actually I said it was "moderate" but I meant "good"). Rudi Johnson received a rating of 90 this year and rightfully so, and as such I was able to mount up behind my massive offensive line and move the ball. FB Jeremi Johnson is a tank this year and he reflects it on the field, seemingly always falling forward in short yardage situations and laying out some devastating blocks amongst the front 7 of the defense. However, unlike NCAA I wasn't able to ride this philosophy all the way to the end zone, as I think I only scored 2 TD's - a 76-yard PA pass to Johnson and an 82-yard pass to Warrick over the middle to where he hurdled the SS to sprint to the end zone. It sounds like shades of NCAA with the long passes, but believe me they were certainly honest and the pass to Johnson saw him beat his man by at least 4 steps - it wasn't even close.

Trying to think what else I have. Hmm...

I've done 2 years worth of drafting on Madden via the NCAA draft classes, posted the results in a thread here, and I'm going to do a few more projects related to that. I'm somewhat curious as to where Race For the Heisman players end up, I wanna know where Teddy Ginn gets drafted and I'm going to check on the Madden generated draft for ratings and anomalies. Right now, it appears as if there's quite a few "wtf" picks by the AI in the Madden, like the Falcons drafting a RB in the first round 2 years in a row or the Packers taking a LB to be buried 4 deep in that OLB trio. I think the true sims will again take control of the teams and draft for them, but overall with free agency and the draft I think teams look out for their better interests fairly well.